I have no idea anymore <deleted_user>.
What the hell happened man, theres no connection anymore. Where did we get off the tracks? And how far back are the damn tracks?
Im so sad about this collapse. I cant get it off my mind, I just keep diving deeper and deeper into it.
I feel so alone, so very alone. Its like I have no friends. I cant even call you guys that. Thats what truly saddens me. I feel like none of us even like each other at all. We are only here because its the only option. What to do man, what to do.
I thought the same way he did.
Before his tongue spoke.
<deleted_user> this is so out of nowhere
Its not, we didn't fix shit
We can only pretend for so long.
The ship is still floating when in reality it's been at rock bottom.
CONVERSATION CORRUPTED
RESTART? (y/n)
ARE YOU SURE? (y/n)
NO RESTART.
1108
I woke up. I did not want to wake up, but once again it was another day, another day of nothing but the goddess herself, misery.
"School is pointless."
I say lying to myself. It is not that school is pointless but the very idea of me trying was. What the hell am I thinking, we have a test today my brain has no use for being filled by complete nonsense.
The screen turns on.
"Damn thing is broken."
I think about fixing it.
And then, I left.
School was fine. Nothing to write home about. I think I have friends, at least just one, even then he is confused.
"Hello."
I say to him
"Hey."
He says back
His silence spoke many volumes. Volumes I could never comprehend.
And then, we left.
How happy am I?
What is the extent of my happiness?
Was I ever happy?
I look outside the window and then check the time:
2:10 PM
It is almost time to go.
And then, I left.
***
4:18 PM
The screen was on
And then I remembered the program I had created. My last ditch effort at happiness. I go to turn on my computer.
And then, someone called.
CODE: N.S.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
And then I answered.
"Hey!"
"Hello, why'd you call?"
"Can I not call? Are you so busy?"
"No, you know I never am."
"Of course, which is why I called."
"..."
"So did you see the picture?"
"..."
"Hello?"
"Hey yea, sorry."
"Are you okay?"
"..."
"..."
"No."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Hey uh, I'm actually busy with something so I'll talk to you later."
I hung up.
I look at the screen and it's off.
I look back at my computer.
My hand feels ten times as heavy now.
I choose not to turn on my computer.
It's pointless.
***
I wake up.
I went back to sleep.
Alarm goes off.
I still sleep.
A whole day passes, and I have not gotten out of bed.
Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
Die
Die
Die
Die
Die
Die
Die
Die
Die
I did not.
She knocked on the door, I didn't answer but she proceeded to come in, letting in the cold of her air.
I love the idea of you.
She gently lays next to me, brushing up against me, making me more cold. I turned to look at her.
I love the idea of you.
We stare for what seems like hours, and her hand then begins to move towards my lower region.
I don't want to do this.
She makes her way to my shorts and removes them.
This is what love is, right?
Then, my underwear.
I love the idea of you.
My hands then make their way to her neck.
I love the idea of you.
I looked her in the eyes and saw nothing but my own demise.
I love the idea of you.
My lust had taken over.
I will tear you apart.
I rolled on top of her.
I needed you.
My hands now fully around her neck. I then began to strangle her, her eyes full of disbelief. Then, she knew what she had to do. With all her power, her hands had then made it unto my neck. Unknowingly, I singed a contract. My soul for her lust, and in return I would be given the illusion of love and the self-destructive nature that would consume me with it.
Everything went back to normal.
I released my hands and my head made my way to her chest. I was crying. I could feel her cold eyes glare at me, she runs her fingers through my hair and whispers to me everything will be okay, when we both know I love the idea of her.
I lay down in bed.
The screen was on. But, it was time for all of this to end. I close my eyes and sink into the abyss.
DELETION IN PROGRESS...
