Don't be alone

Chapter Two|Another empty bottle

My mum was a bit off with me, when I got home. Like normal, I just did what I normally did, go to my room and cry until I fell asleep, I watched myself live in regret and I swear this is this is the best life can get, I hid behind my door I kept locked, but the walls weren't thick enough to keep the nosies of the angry voices that once soothes me to sleep. And I lie tonight I underneath the caven roof, and I cried, tonight, wondering what I can do. And I try tonight remembering who I once knew but they've died inside, another empty bottle takes a life.

This world can be so cruel I live my life as a broken tool and I believe I'm unable to fix this broken machine. What's the use to through myself at love? If in the end it never seems enough to get through all of life's broken dreams?

I watched my mother live in regret heard my father cry in an empty bed and I swear this is the best life can gets.

And again I lie, tonight underneath this caving roof, I cry tonight, wonder what I can do, and I try tonight but I'm out of memories that I once knew and I die inside, another empty bottle takes a life.

And every little bit, ever little bit of me wants to see that light, but every single night another bit of me dies inside. I'm trapped in my mind, but I feel more alive, I feel more alive  in my own dreams. And I'm wondering what's beyond the sky's, can I see the light if I fall asleep ? Because I feel more alive in my own dreams. So tonight I lie lifting up though my own roof, sad eyes tonight, there was nothing more that I could do, I wish I died tonight, a daughter that they hardly knew and I'm lost in time,  so another empty bottle could take my life.

It was the end of the line, I never felt fine. I always came home with a smile on my face because I had straight A's I ran inside the door and said "Mum guess what!" and all I ever heard was "girl shut the fuck up".

I ran into the kitchen and saw my mum puking blood, and she finally looked up and said "Girl I've had enough" then she started crying and shaking, falling too the floor, foaming at the mouth while she's scratching at my arms. And I was screaming in her saying "what the hell is going on?!"

Her eyes where shutting and in a second she was gone. I didn't feel her pulse and I hugged and her and I hoped she heard me say "I love you" even though I kinda chocked. The tears bursting through, control was put the door. And still to this I see my mother on the floor, then I pulled together, mum is waking up, I knew should would come back if I only prayed enough. I looked her in the eyes, they were rolling back into her skull, "I swear to god I hate you" and that is all she wrote. I stare in disbelief. She's really didn't raise me, but how could she hate me, she's the one that made me.

Mum I may be a little crazy, but you're the one that raised me, and you're the reason that my suicide never even happened. I got up all chokes it, but my mother on my shoulders, I threw her in the tub with the cold water flowing.

And when it hit her skin, she awoke once again, but then I turned it off and then her mouth would form again. I turned it back on, I did this for an hour, she died 35 times in only just an hour. I resurrected her life now I'm scarred for life. Little poor kid trying to play god. I'm doing the best I can, my sister by my side, I asked her what had happened, She said "sis she asked my to supply some pills, so for mama that's  what I did"

She swore to me that she didn't know how many was inside. My overdoses mother, with closed eyes and still to this day part of me is gone inside. She was put on a section 8, no roof over our heads, no food on our plates.

Ready to make the call, or were Gunna lose it all, we took her to the hospital, rushed home and packed it all, but nothing ever changed and I swear that I was scared, if they took it all we swore we'd be prepaid. Then we hugged it out, got the wet corpse, through her in the car, and speed to the hospital, she got taken to the IC, with seconds on the lifeline, then they pumped her stomach and said that she'd be fine.

We did it sis, we saved our mother's life, a couple days go by. We were about to pick her up. I was so happy I saved her life, I'd been my parents parent. I heard them in the driveway, but before I opened the door, my mamas bursting in. She pushed me in the corner, I thought I helped her live, so mama why you mad. I thought you would be thankful, she smacked me in the face and says "Girl I fucking hate you"Then she walked away and with her wishing I never saved her .