Do you ever feel like you want to be friendly but afraid of being rejected?
Do you ever feel like no one is trying to approach you?
Do you ever feel like you are not alone but you feel so alone? So close yet so far.
And yes, that’s me! And no one tries to approach me.
I don’t know, perhaps they just hate me for who I am or they just really hate my existence?
I don’t know, if I remember it all happened last year my anxiety attacks me.
I hate myself for doing it!
I hate myself for being immature and being anxious at all time that results me of being so unproductive.
I wish I’d die that day but I realized that, putting my life to death is not the solution.
So I just faced the consequences and trying to control and fix it.
“Mom, where is my phone?” I shouted.
(My mom was making our breakfast downstairs. She is the loveliest and a caring mother in the whole world. I salute her for having such a long patience in me and she patiently wait for a job opportunity, and thank God because finally! My mom got her new job.)
“Under your table” mom said.
“Oh! There it is, thanks Mom.
So I get my phone, turning it on hoping for someone to chat or text me but sadly there’s no one on my notification unlike last year, sigh.
I wish I could just return in the past,
My mom was preparing my lunchbox.
It’s just awkward, because of her sweetness she always treat me like a child.
I keep telling her that I am not a child anymore and I am already eighteen years old but even though my mom is like that, I am really thankful for having a mother like her.
So I just rolled my eyes and sipped my coffee.
“So mom, how’s your new job?”
Hoping my mom’s job is a good one.
“Like before, send papers there and there but it is totally fine and I do really like it. We must thank God for being always good to us and giving us an abundant blessing”
she really prayed for this job to come and we really thank God for the blessings.
“Ah okay mom, thank God you liked it. Let’s go mom we’re getting late.”
“Oh! I forgot! Let’s go.”
So, here I come going to school again. It was just normal nothing unusual happened.
They acted just like before, like nothing really happen.
But when I looked in their eyes, there is something different seems like they are talking about me like I don’t know, I just can’t described it.
By the way, we're in the 12th grade now in K-12 curriculum. Supposedly, we're in Second Year College now but unfortunately, they add two years because K-12 program have changed their outlook of a better life beyond high school education, with their hopes and aspirations for employment that can help improve the economy of the country.
This school year, I should be the one to approach them. I should be the one to say sorry or better just act like nothing ever happen last time? But, the way they act it seems nothing to them. Or maybe they just want to forget. Urgh! I don't know what to do!
Maybe, I should act like nothing happen if ever they questioned me about that time i should apologize but not now I am not yet ready to face them. I'm scared.
