Frozen

Prologue

I've always found it weird how my bed is coldest when he's in it.

My blankets and my sheets and my pillows keep me warm enough to drift into a peaceful sleep when I'm by myself. Or, as peaceful as I get, at least.

But all it takes is that small creak my door makes as he pushes it open. The soft padding of his sock covered feet on my hard wood floors. The rustling of my covers as he climbs into bed with me.

And just like that, I'm freezing.

Just like that, I'm frozen.

I don't move, can't move. As his hot, sticky, alcohol infused breath comes faster and faster. Can't move as his hands go places a father's hands should not. Can't move as he positions himself and drives in.

It wasn't always that way.

The first few times, I moved.

I fought and kicked and bit and cried and screamed both in my head and out. But that only made it worse, more painful, so I stopped. Now I just stay frozen.

After he finished and settled himself curled around me possessively, almost as if in his sick mind he though of us as lovers, I waited. I waited until his breathing evened out and his arms slackened.

Then, I got up.

Because this time was different. This time, I was eighteen.I got changed. I silently collected clothes and toiletries and the stacks of money I had under my bed, and I packed. Then I went to the room across the hall from mine and I did the same for my little brother, who was watching me with a trusting gaze, though tears collected in his big five year old eyes.

"Are we leaving now, Bri?" he asked with that little boy lisp.

"Yeah, Bent, we're leaving now," I answered back in a whisper. I handed him a pair of jeans, a blue shirt, and little black converse and continued packing while he got changed, not yet old enough to be embarrassed about his older sister seeing him naked. I zipped up his train duffle bag and grabbed my own black suitcase and I took his hand. He looked at me with all the confidence in the world and I knew I could do this. For him.

We left the house silently after one last quick meal of ramen noodles.

As one last fuck you, I stole my dad's car.