The North Pack (editing)

4 - The New Beginning (edited)

I came to in the same place where I had fallen asleep - on the floor of the bathroom. The incessant knocking on the door seemed the culprit for my awakening and I groaned in response, wiping sleep from my eyes. 

      "What?" The knocking finally ceased.

      "It's time for breakfast," Jax said, muffled through the wood of the door.

      I picked myself up from the floor and opened the door. His face was stony as ever and I briefly wondered if this robot ever even needed food. As soon as he had mentioned breakfast I had felt my stomach rumble. I hadn't eaten in what felt like years but the idea of meeting the rest of this Pack made hunger give way to nausea.

      "Could you bring something up?" I asked.

      He sighed and leaned against his hand on the doorframe. "If you could just come down for... 15 minutes. That's all."

      "Please?" I pressed.

      Jax's flat palm curled into a fist. "I understand this is difficult for you but I'll be there. We are not as scary as you may have heard."

      I didn't know how to tell him that his presence was nothing close to comforting. "Look, I'm still tired, it's just not something I want to deal with right now."

      He sighed again. "I'll make you whatever you want."

      I want to go home.

      "Fine. Okay." Whatever. Maybe on another day I would've fought him over it, stood my ground, but there was nothing left in me to burn. He smiled with his eyes and I looked away. 

      Jax lead me through the pack house in silence until we stopped at Tudor arched doors. I took a breath. Inside, the hall was white; white walls, white tiles. The only colour interrupting the wash of ivory were the long, mahogany tables and benches. The pack members already seated there quickly hushed when it became apparent just who had walked into the dining hall. Their eyes on me felt like lasers. I wrapped my arms around my stomach.

      At the end of the middle row was a larger seat than the rest, carved out of stone instead of wood and, just to its right sat a smaller version of it.  "It's my father's seat." Jax's eyes were on the imposing chair. "It will be mine soon, we will sit there together."

      "Has there ever been an Alpha female?" I imagined a woman sitting in that big chair and I already knew the answer.

      "No. Of course not."

      I didn't reply as we took our seats, the hunger of the last two days finally catching up to me. As Jax disappeared somewhere to grab our food, I found myself studying my surroundings. Conversation had started up again and the Northern wolves' initial interest in me seemed to die down. It was strange to think that I would be eating here every day, that this was my new home, that the people chatting away around me would soon become my packmates. It felt wrong and it felt like betrayal.

      I thought about my parents, my brother... Callum. Part of me wanted to scream, to run and run and run but it didn't matter what I wanted. Everything was futile. I should have felt angry and venomous but I just felt tired. 

      "Are pancakes okay?" I looked up to see Jax with two plates in his hands, an open expression on his face.

      I nodded. There were blueberries on the pancake. I ate it like I was starved, and I guess I was. It was good food, although cardboard would have tasted like a miracle in my state, and I cleared the plate in minutes. Jax looked up from his half-finished plate with surprise.