Christmas Love

The Blues

Lena-

It was going to be my first Christmas alone since Gretchen and I broke up. I can't believe she cheated on me, and finding out two weeks before we were to be married. Everyone tried to tell me she was know good, but being me I wanted to prove them all wrong and that I knew what was best for me, but I think that the  love I felt for her clouded my better judgment. In another two months it will be Christmas and I have know one to share it with. Getting into my cold and lonely bed, I hear my cell phone go off. Hello, I said. Hey Lena, it's Jenna. Hey Jenna what's up? I asked. Me and a few friends were planning on going away for the holiday's wanted to know whether you wanted to tag along? She asked. Tag along? I asked annoyed. Sorry you know what I mean, I know this would be your first Christmas without you know who, she said. Yeah I know, I said. So what about it? She asked. Let me get back to you on that okay Jenna, I said. Okay but don't take too long, Christmas will be here before you know it, she said. I won't, and thanks for asking, I said. Sure talk to you later, she said, before hanging up. 

Stef-

Sitting at my desk thinking about this weekend and the sleep over Brandon wanted to go to, this would be his first time away from home since he's been born. This was going to be hard, but I have to let him grow up some time. Hey Stef, what are you still doing here I thought you were on your way home? Lydia asked, she's one of the officers I work with here at the station. Nope not yet, just writing down a few things I need to pick up at the store on my way, I said. Oh okay, have a good weekend, she said. You too, I said , as I watched her leave. Losing my train of thought thinking about how I will be spending my weekend and  know one to spend it with as I grab my belongings  and making my way out the door. 

While standing in the grocery line with the few items that I had gotten and going through my purse for my wallet, I came across a sheet of paper that Brandon must have put in there with a list of things he wanted for Christmas. When MIke and I first got married, we talked about having a big family, but that is before I realized that I wasn't who I said I was, not even realizing it until just before Brandon was born. Brandon was two years old, before Mike wanted to try an have another child, but I always came up with every excuse in the book to put it off.  

Flash back

Stef don't you want to have another kid, we always said we wanted to have a big family remember? He asked. Yes I remember Mike, I said. So, what you changed your mind, do you not want that anymore? He asked. It's not that I don't want more kids Mike, it's just not the right time, I just got promoted to sargeant, I just want to give it a little more time that's all, I said. Before you said you wanted a few years between each kid, but Brandon is two, and about time the next kid comes along he would be three, so what's the deal Stef? He asked. Nothing Mike, can we talk about this later please? I asked. Sure Stef, whatever you want, I'm going to go out for a couple of hours, don't wait up, he said, before walking out the house slamming the door shut.

Flash back ends

It's not that I wanted to hurt Mike, but another two years into our marriage I decided this just wasn't for me, and I asked him for a divorce.

Flashback

What do you mean you want a divorce? He asked. I just feel like this isn't working out Mike, I think you deserve someone better than me, I said. What? But I love you Stef, did I do something wrong? He asked. No Mike not you, it's me, I said. What do you mean it's you, are you seeing someone else Stef? He asked. No nothing like that Mike, I said. Then what is it, you don't love me anymore? He asked before tears started to stream down his cheek. Mike I do love you, I said. But you're not in love with me are you Stef? He asked. With nothing left to say with my head down, I heard him walk out the house. 

Flash back ends

Placing my bag in my trunk and walking around to the drivers side, I just sit in my car and start to cry. Mike was my bestfriend since we were both teenagers and the last thing I ever planned on doing was breaking his heart. Thinking about it, Mike was probably my last chance for any so-called happiness, what woman is going to want a single mother who lived most her life straight.