The Abandoned And Faithful

Chapter Five- Never Even There.

April 8th, 1994. 4:37 pm.

I wish everything would be okay. I wish that my father would come home. I wish that mother would stop drowning herself in alcohol and cigarettes. It rips my heart open to see that mother doensn't care about her health and that it is decreasing by the minute. My family can't be torn apart. 

I heard mother the other day talking about how she dislikes me and daddy so much. That she doesn't want us here anymore. Daddy probably listens to her. When he shouldn't. One night, I heard them fighting all night. Throwing stuff, yelling on the top of their lungs. I couldn't sleep. What made that fight stand out to me the most is that, father's voice could barely be heard. Only mother's voice was the loud one.

Praying every night doesn't work. I pray for my family. Wishing everything will be alright. And we would be together just like in the hospital on the first day of my life. I pray for my mother's health. Hoping she can stop her addiction and become healthy again. But it's like you aren't listening god. Just hear me on one thing. Please make this family a real family again. Because right now, there's a big wall between our family and a happy family. And you are the only way to bust down that wall. Thank you.

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Suddenly, rushing up the stairs could be heard. I quickly slide my journal under my mattress and hide under my blankets. The footsteps moved down the hallway, into mother's room right next to me. She slammed the door and sat on her bed. I heard her every move because the wall between my room and hers was like thin paper.

Her cellphone flipped open and she dialed a number. "Hello? Vickie?" Her voice sounded more raspy and scratchy than unusual. I toned in more to her conversation by sticking my ear against the wall. 

"Did I tell you what this kid has done yesterday?" A short pause was in the air and she coughed from her terrible lungs. "She got beat up at school by some kid. She didn't even stand up for herself. I can't believe it. Also, Johnny is out on a trip this week. Perfect time to leave." This time it was a long pause. Aunt Vickie must be talking a lot back.

"I don't even know why I had this child. Tonight, I'm packing my bags and leaving. Leave her alone with her father." My ears couldn't take it anymore. I walked out of my room and opened mother's door. She didn't notice until she looked my way. 

"You're leaving mother?" Mother's face turned bright red and she glared at me.

"Were you listening to my conversation?" Her voice dug deep into my ears with anger.

"No, I could just hear from my-" She got up and walked over to me, pushing her phone against her chest. 

"I don't wanna hear it. You were spying on my conversation, weren't you?" Mother backed me up to the hallway wall, being right in my face. "Tell me the truth!" Her breathe smelt like liquor and her voice got louder towards me.

"I wanted to hear who you were talking to. I just wanted to say hi to whoever it-" I was interrupted by the back of her hand across my face. My head turned right and I fell to the ground. Her face looked down on me with an angry look. Tears ran down to my bent legs. "Aunt Vickie doesn't want to talk to you anyway."

Her back handed slap stung my left side of my face. I just held my hand there, looking up at her rushing around her room. Grabbing everything that she owned. And shoving it carelessly into a bag. It didn't take her long. Seconds later, I couldn't feel anything. My body collapsed to the side and I went into complete darkness.

Again, sleeping felt like weeks passed. I felt like I wasn't living right now. I could still think, but I couldn't wake up. My dreams and my brain kept telling me that this didn't happen. That mother was still on the other side of my wall and father was still here with us. But those ideas didn't last long because I knew deep inside that it all was true.

In my head, I heard a doorbell. Repeatedly ringing. Then suddenly, the door slammed open from downstairs. My brain was still in dreams but I heard everything around me. Heeled footsteps were coming closer and closer to me, running fast up the stairs. "Olivia!" My eyes opened to look up and see Mrs. Goldman standing over me, reaching down to help me up. "Olivia, are you okay?" I couldn't lie this time. To say I was okay when deep inside, I am confused, scared, and hurt.

"No." In my head I was reliving last night's scene. Tears filled my eyes again, thinking of what happened last night. She held my face, looking at the pink print on my cheek. "This is why you weren't at school for three days." Next thing I know, I was being carried by Mrs. Goldman down the stairs and out of the house. All I could think about is...why would mother do such a thing?