Goodbye for now.

Dear Ryan,

Dear Ryan, 

I saw you always, but I never really see you. Not until she mentioned you at least. Not until she talked about your smile, or the way you nervously run your fingers through your hair. When she said those things, I felt it in my chest. I shouldn't be jealous. You aren't mine, and I never asked you to be. Not until she sat here in front of me saying the things I'd never known I'd always thought. And so now, even though you don't know it, she's yours and I can't ask for you back because how do you ask for something that was never yours, to begin with. I hate when this happens, the timing is always wrong for boys like you. It's too late for me, but maybe it's not too late for you. But even then, what you want is irrelevant because your name fell from her lips first and there is nothing I can do. I can't sit here waiting for something that can never be mine. So maybe if I had truly cared to pay attention to the outlines of your features, or really listened when you called my name, I could've been first. But now it's too late and here we are and nothing can ever be different but I don't know if it can stay the same. 

Goodbye for now, 

Sam