Goodbye for now.

Dear Ben,

Dear Ben,

Wow. You were my first crush. My first real, heart-stopping, nerve-wracking, crush. I've known you since we were little, but we were never that close. Not until recently, when I began to see you in a totally different light, tainted with hopes and wishes that would never come true. I was totally and completely mesmerized by you and I thought that maybe you were mesmerized by me too. I thought that any glance in my direction, any smile or wave, was a sign that we were meant to be. I told everyone. I swore that I wouldn't because the feeling of liking you made me feel young and dumb and stupid. But then the warm feeling when I thought of you would take over, and suddenly the words would pour out of my lips and tell the entire world because I just couldn't help it. Because I just liked you so much and I wanted everyone to know. I waited for you to see me, and I fantasized that maybe you already did. I made plans with you and tripped over my own two feet for you. When I heard other girls liked you, I wouldn't get jealous. I would get lonely and possessive and sad and I would cry. Because I just liked you so much I didn't know what to do with that. But then time passed and with each day you slipped farther away from my thoughts. Then someone else came along and so I shut down every last thought I ever had about you. I threw it away. I left you behind and went on with my life. But then that someone was only fleeting, and when they were gone I realized you never left. You were always still there and I just didn't listen. Because when I looked at your face I still felt a little step in my heart, and your smile still caught me by surprise. But now my feelings for you are tainted with the burden of time, and they are beginning to fade. And so now I'm here saying goodbye to you, but I know it's not really goodbye. Because you will always have a small piece of my heart. I can't help it. You were first.

Goodbye for now,

Sam