Isn't it lovely?

Crushing weight

(NOTE: There are thoughts of suicide in this chapter, just warning you. If you need help for real, please get it. Poor Megatron here will get help, so please do so too. You are not alone ❤️ I love you too much!)

The smell of fresh energon drew him into the lounge, where cubes upon cubes of the substance were set out for the crew's convenience. He took his ration and immediately began walking away before anyone could strike up a conversation.

"Hey Megsy! Where ya going?"

An all too familiar voice pierced his audio receptors and he growled, still walking away. The sound of light pedesteps approached him and Rodimus appeared at his side, struggling to match his longer strides.

"How's my co-captain doing this fine morning?" Rodimus said cheerfully, unaware that Megatron was not in the mood.

"Terrible. Leave me alone." Megatron snarled, walking faster to get away from him. His leg pistons squealed in protest after such a long time without use, forcing him to slow down. Rodimus quickly caught up and was a thorn in his side until he reached his berthroom.

"Aww! C'mon now! You're starting to sound like the old Megatron!"

That was it. Rodimus had taken it too far. All that anger boiled up inside of Megatron and he grit his denta. He crushed the cube of energon in his hand and whipped around to face Rodimus, grabbing him by the shoulders and leaning dangerously close to his face.

"I am not the old Megatron. Don't you dare say that to me after all I've done... You don't understand anything about me, do you?" He said with a sharp tone.

Rodimus was scared out of his wits by now. He swallowed nervously and shook his head slowly. "N-no.... I don't... I'm s-sorry..."

"That's right.... now get out of my sight before I.... I..." Megatron froze, realizing how much he sounded like his former, horrible self. He used to say that to Starscream all the time. He snarled, tears building in his optics as he threw Rodimus aside. "Just get the hell away from me!" He slammed the door to his habsuite, leaving a baffled and frightened Rodimus sitting in the hallway.

"What is up with him today?" Rodimus mumbled, getting up and brushing himself off. He walked away down the hallway, not noticing the sobbing coming from Megatron's habsuite.

Megatron usually never cried, especially like this. It's like the dam had finally been broken after years of wear and tear. No, centuries of wear and tear. The tears kept flowing and Megatron couldn't stop.

He sat with his back against his berth and held his head in his hands, pulling his knees close to his chest.

"Why must this be so hard?" He growled, banging his head against his knees. "I'm pathetic... worthless... I can't even talk right anymore! I'm just a shell of my former self...."

He lifted his head and wiped his optics, glancing around the dark room that was his berthroom. He was alone... all alone in this god forsaken world... Hell, who would even care if he just suddenly disappeared? No one would. No one would even bat an eye in his direction, nor would they care if he just went missing one day.

He saw a dagger laying on his table from when he was messing with it and narrowed his optics. He reached up for it and held it shakily in his hand. "All I have to do is one... swift.. cut..." he murmured, tracing the important cables and circuits running along his neck and into his head. "Just.... one..." his voice cracked and his hand trembled even more, almost dropping the dagger on the floor.

He froze when he heard someone at the door, his optics widening when he realized that they would see him like this.

"Megatron? Are you alright? You didn't come to your session today..." Rung's gentle voice could be heard from outside the door.

Megatron couldn't speak, he couldn't move. He was frozen in place, his hands trembling while holding the dagger. He only stared at it, realizing how close he'd been to killing himself. How could he be like that? How could he get so low that the only thought was suicide?

"Megatron? I'm coming in."

Dammit. He had forgotten to lock the door in his blind rage earlier. He curled up into a ball and hid his face from view. The dagger lay at his pedes, gleaming in the dim light that had just turned on from Rung opening the door.

Rung opened the door and gasped in horror at what he saw before him. "Megatron!" He exclaimed, running over to him and knocking the dagger away.

Today was the day that he almost took his own life again. How long would it be before he actually did it?

(I got so sad writing this 😭)