My Stories

My mother

My mom is amazing. Most 14-year-old girls get embarrassed by their parents, I do too. It's part of life.

 My mom and I are different though.  She notices everything, she can tell when I'm faking a smile. I do that a lot since I started high school, it's easier than explaining my problems to people. Sometimes she will hug me for no reason because she knows I'm upset about something. When she hugs me it just makes me break down, It's like her arms crack your heart and mind open. I will cry in her arms for hours before I even want to stop. We're open to each other. She rarely lies to me because she knows I will keep her secrets. She tells me which of my friends she hates, she always tries to put that in a nice way but it never really works.  She can read me like an open book. I can't even read one word of her sometimes. 

She keeps her deep feelings closed away from me. She rarely cries and it's so painful to see her cry. My mother is a strong woman who just wants happiness for me and my brother. We sit in silence sometimes and just listen to the sounds around us. We laugh together like we're best friends and she teases me about EVERYTHING.

 I don't see my mother cry often, but I know I will see a world of pain hurdle at her soon. My grandparents are very old and their time is coming shortly. My mother's father is the most generous man I've ever met and I love him so much. My mom doesn't always get along with her mother, earlier this year she almost died. My mom had faith her mother could make it through so many surgical procedures, even as frail as she is. I know my mom is really close to her dad and when he goes she will not be able to hold herself together. 

My mother is a strong, brave, thoughtful, harsh, kind, and generous woman.

She deserves so much more than what she has. Her son never talks to her, he ignores her like she's a piece of shit. SHe gives and gives and gives. She doesn't work anymore, so she can raise my brother and I. Now he's 18 and I'm at boarding school, my brother will leave the house soon for college and she won't have anything to do. On the contrary, most of her "Stay at home mom" job was actually volunteering. She makes dinner often and works hard on dishes for the homeless.

She doesn't see me often anymore. I'm home every 6 weeks maybe longer. We never call each other anymore, and I hate not needing her. Because when I need to cry I have no one. I never want to burden my friends with all that bullshit. They don't need it and they don't want it. My mom will sit there with me. She took care of me when I cried before and after my surgery. The compression band was cutting circulation to my foot and now I have nerve damage. I didn't eat much and I sat in front of the TV. She wouldn't let me do anything else. I NEED her, so much. She held my hand when I got my IV and every shot ever.

I never admit how much I miss her, I just try to work through it. 4 days til' i see her again! I think this time I may cry when I see her. She wanted me to leave the house, not because she doesn't like me but because she wanted me to blossom into the amazing woman she wants me to be.

Hi mom, 

                I miss you a lot. Every night I pray today won't be your last. Accidents happen too often and if I never got to see you again I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Please forgive me for being a bitch to you sometimes. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, does it? Momma teaches me how to make food like you, you're so good. Teach me to be happy like you and work hard. Teach me to not always put other's before me, because my happiness is important too. I am important too. Thank you or teaching me this. Thank you for staying with me.

                    Love,

                       Lu Bell