Sideways

Chapter 21

"No," Kurt said, with a shake of his head. "No, you're not."

Blaine stared at him for a couple of heartbeats, his lips parted. "Um," he uttered. "Yes, I am."

Blaine watched as Kurt shook his head again. He was taking deeper breaths and looking around the room as if he had no idea where he was.

"Why?"

"Why? Why what?"

"Why the sudden change? Why now?" Kurt clarified. "Why are you telling me?"

"Um, I thought about what you said, about her being pregnant not meaning we had to stay together forever. I can't be with her," Blaine informed him. "And as for why I'm telling you, I thought you would want to know."

"Be-because we're friends?" Kurt offered.

Blaine shook his head. He was bad at expressing his feelings, he hadn't done it much throughout his life. He cleared his throat and sat up straight, then looked Kurt right in those azure eyes.

"I don't want to be your friend, Kurt," Blaine told him. "And I know I've been an idiot and I've made terrible decisions and I haven't been sure about what I was doing, or where I'm going, but I've been completely sure about one thing throughout this whole thing," he said.

"What?" Kurt asked and his voice came out timidly.

Blaine took a deep breath, then exhaled for a long time. His heart was racing and he felt like he might fall over, but he had to do this.

"You," he uttered and his voice came out uneven and a little broken. "You and how I feel about you. In the beginning, I was scared, because I had never felt like this about anyone—not about Quinn, or anyone else. So, yeah, I was scared, probably more scared than I've ever been, so I shoved it away—or I tried to shove it away. I didn't want to feel what I was feeling, because that's not who I'm supposed to be," he paused, then corrected himself. "That's not who they think I'm supposed to be, I mean. But I'm done pushing my feelings away. I can't go on being with her when you're all I think about."

Kurt was staring at him, blue eyes wide and glistening. Blaine watched as he parted his lips to form words, but none came, he simply let out a shaky breath. His lips were that pale, fleshy pink nearest the inside of his mouth, but every other part of them were a vibrant shade of rose, as if he had bitten them repeatedly.

Blaine didn't stop himself when he leaned across to place a gentle kiss on Kurt's lips, gasping a little as Blaine's mouth closed down over his and then he was kissing him with more passion and Blaine felt what he always felt when he was close to Kurt; He felt some kind of blue electricity soaring through his veins and he knew this was right, that everything about Kurt was right.

Blaine pressed the palm of his hand down on Kurt's shoulder and pushed him gently backwards, but Kurt winced and pulled away.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry," Blaine breathed. "I—I forgot. Shit. Are you okay?"

Kurt was clutching his stomach, his eyes closed. "Yeah," he choked out. "It's not your fault, don't worry."

Blaine cursed himself. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Kurt again. He was about to apologise, but Kurt began talking.

"So, you're really leaving her?" he asked, letting go of his stomach. "I mean, have you thought this through?"

Oh, he had thought it through all right, it was all he could think about. Quinn meant nothing to him, it was sad, but true. He could not envision a life with her, he couldn't even envision another week with her. Hell, he didn't care, he'd visit the baby, still be its dad, but that didn't mean he had to be with Quinn.