Sideways

Chapter 23

"Not that I'm complaining, or anything," Burt began, studying Kurt with curious eyes. "But what are you so happy about?"

Kurt smiled up at his dad. "No reason."

Burt did not look convinced, as he wiped his hands on his thighs. "You've got a bruised everything and you're sitting there smiling like you found a million dollars lying outside on the doorstep. What gives?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, still smiling. "Dad," he said. "If I found a million dollars outside on the doorstep I would hand it over to the police."

When Kurt was growing up, he had never really had any friends. At school, there were a couple of kids he talked to sometimes, but outside school, there wasn't anyone he could hang out with. Because of this, his dad was his best friend, the one that was always there. His dad probably knew him better than anyone else in the world. Which is why Burt sat down on the couch next to his son and hit the mute button on the TV remote.

Kurt looked around in protest. "I was watching tha—"

"You can watch TV any old day," Burt informed him. "Seeing you smiling like that is something that can't be seen any old day."

Kurt looked up at his dad, smiling at him and then he smiled, too.

"So, what's happened?" Burt asked.

Kurt sighed and sat up straight. "Well—"

But Burt cut him off mid-sentence, frowning very slightly. "This has to do with that Blaine kid, doesn't it?"

Kurt's mouth developed into a small 'o' shape and his blue eyes widened. Did his dad know everything? "How did you..?" Kurt asked, trailing off at the end.

"Because I know you," Burt replied. "Look, Kurt, you can't let him keep leading you on like this. He's got a girlfriend, even if he does care about you. Fair enough if he still wants to be friends, but—"

"He doesn't have a girlfriend," Kurt shook his head. It was true, in a way. Quinn was only his pretend girlfriend. It didn't mean anything and even if they couldn't tell anybody, Blaine was making him happy.

"He doesn't?"

"They broke up and um," Kurt stuttered. He hadn't told anyone this yet and he probably wouldn't for a long time. "We're sort of.. Together."

"Sort of together?" Burt looked sceptical.

Kurt nodded. "Look, dad, he's not ready to come out. He's not. He has a lot to deal with, what with his friends and his status and his dad—especially his dad. I can't force him out of the closet just because I want him to admit to the world that he likes me." Loves me, Kurt thought, silently. "I'm okay with keeping it a secret. He'll come around, I know he will. He's getting so much better at it and—"

"Look, Kurt," Burt said, tiredly. "I'm happy that you're happy, don't get me wrong and he's a good kid, but I just.. I think you deserve more, you know? I think you deserve someone who's not afraid, who's as brave and as confident as you are."

Kurt sighed. "Dad," he said. "It took me time to get to where I am today and I'm really only just finding myself now. Blaine's only at the beginning, he still has a long way to go. And I like him, dad, I really like him. Maybe I do deserve more, but I don't want more. I just want Blaine. That's all I want dad just t--to be with Blaine. "

Kurt didn't want to tell his dad that he loved him, but he almost did. Yes, he had told him before that he might be in love with him, but now it all felt that much more real. Blaine was telling him he loved him every so often. He looked a little awkward while doing it, but the sentiment was still there and Kurt hadn't said it back yet, because despite the fact that he knew Blaine was very much into him, he couldn't shake the feeling that they weren't all the way out of the woods yet. Blaine still had a lot going on and who knew what he would do? If Kurt gave him everything, his heart, those three words, then he would have all of him and Kurt would have been happy giving Blaine his all if things hadn't been the way they were. He would say it back some day, but today was not that day.