100 Futures: Tales of Possibility

.05

     2016

     When I got home from school my parents were waiting for me. They were really calm and started asking me questions with a slightly pinched niceness. Turns out they were monitoring my computer activities, which were slightly disturbing I suppose. Still as they lost their sweet voices and started very calmly shouting, I picked up my copy of 1984 and held it out against them like I would a bible against vampires.  The point is if they weren't so fixated the questionable content I've been checking out, just to kill the boredom,  they might notice the entrepreneurship info I'v been studying.  Since my school grades are garbage because who gives a junk about Shakespeare or geometry, and when they start to drone on about why such boring subjects are so interesting my eyes glaze over and I get the hundred yard stare of a combat veteran they think I'm on drugs, so they want to cut me off from the internet and my phone cold turkey. They have no idea the world of hurt such a move would cause us all.  I would start acting like one of those monkeys in the zoo flinging my poop at them, and they don't move so if they are serious they should practice their ducking abilities.  Luckily I've convinced them to let me home school instead. All I had to do was tell them that my school was full of bullies, drugs, and people having sex, all of which are true, not that any of those things ever really entered into my life.  I was always just trying not to jam a pencil in my eye to stop the boredom, or secretly listening to podcasts by running a headphone up through my sleeve and resting my head on the sound. No one bullies me because I will stab them, always holding a pencil after all, I don't do drugs because now that weed is legal its lame just like drunk adults, and girls are magnetically unattracted to me, I wonder if they think its because I'll stab them too? Anyway, what I'm interested in is starting a business, being my own boss. My dad hated school and is always saying what a waste of time high school was, yet he is always on me to do better. Kind of sending mixed signals there pops.  He thinks teenagers should get a job so they learn firsthand what they life is, thanks for giving me that to look forward to. So I showed them my working business plan, which is rather rough, but its just a kickstarter project. They were feeling bad for coming down so hard on me so they schmoozed it up talking about how they like the fonts and my video, but they countered with me getting my GED and a part-time job, possibly to include per hour work around the house.  Deal, I can listen to Entrepreneur Weekly podcasts while I get paid. And now all I want a pencil for is drawing.  They are still not so secretly hoping I will go to college someday.

2023

That first Kickstarter project bombed, but as I learned from all the books on business I was reading, a good failure is light years ahead of a standardized test. I learned a lot, and my next project was my giant "take this job and shove it" to the school system. While cleaning the kid's bathroom, I came across some crusted toe nail clipping left by my dirty astronaut brother. His foot hygiene nearly got me to quit the homeschool agreement and go back to school, instead I got an idea. That was the launch of Sasquatch Feet LLC. Basically it was foot care kit for men. This was not a collection of skimpy ladies pedicure delicate pink junk. It came with a damn scrub brush, some heavy duty clippers, and other manly tools with large handles for easier use. I interviewed some foot doctors about the best way to take care of the male foot, and compiled a how to book, with lots of pictures because guys can't be bothered to read. The pictures included nasty shots of what happens when feet are not cared for, and bacteria shots, and so on. We also did a companion how-to video that was done like a Home Depot video. But the genius and to this day what I believe to be the source of the success of the business was the videos. The first campaign and the video we used for the Kickstarter was of a bigfoot stomping through the woods with his monster feet, then coming inside and trying to get in bed with his girl. He tracks all kinds of fungus and tops it off by gashing her leg with his knarly toenails. She throws him our foot kit and he turns into a guy with clean feet and lots of bed action.