A Royal Story

Chapter 29

We were organizing the wedding and let me say that in 1 day and a half I had already programmed a lot but the bigger part was to come, who to invite, what to eat, the cake, all those samples of it to try out, the flowers and of course THE DRESS. 

I was so overwhelmed, I needed Amal but she wasn't there she was living her best life far from me for a week, she really choose the good time to go away. 

"Miss Porter, we have all the white roses you asked, how do you want them?" the royal wedding planner asked.

"We want them in like a wall but mix white with pinkish roses for the wall, and I want my bouquet to be all with white roses. There must be roses at every beginning of seating rows where the ceremony will be held. Make sure you have enough bouquets for all my bridesmaids and ask them what kind of color they like more between pinkish and red." I said as she wrote down all my directions, I walked to the front door to go try samples for the menu, and I would meet Harry there.

The car ride was my moment to rest for a bit, as I said earlier I was overwhelmed, Harry had all his royal duties to attend to and I was kind of feeling lonely in all this preparation. 

I was laying back, watching London passing by out the window, I felt like I needed a break, just for one second a break from everything from this life for a second. 

I love Harry, I am happy, but I had doubts in my heads, why? I don't know, tho my heart is in love, my head is making me crazy, overthinking. Overthinking, the worst thing ever, the thing that can bring you down, and it's all because of yourself, overthinking is the worst and that's what was happening to me.

I was overthinking about the wedding, my future duties, having to raise a family without having a husband around, I mean, Harry is present but sometimes he has to do things that I can't attend to. What is going to happen when I'll say "I do"? I had too many thoughts in my head, when I snapped back to reality I was having a panic attack, Terence the chauffeur had stopped and was looking back at me.

"Are you okay Miss?" he asked a worried look on his face. I couldn't answer him, I was feeling terrible I couldn't breathe, he took out a paper bag out of the glove box in the front of the car and gave it to me, I started to slow the pace of my breathing, I was finally calming down and he had gone out to buy me a bottle of water, just then my phone started buzzing.

Harry calling...

I didn't know what to do, I was paralyzed, just then my finger pushed the green button on my screen. 

"Hello? Ella? Ella? Hello? Can you hear me?" he asked through the phone.

"Hello, hi." was all I said, all my mouth managed to blur out. 

"Are you okay hunn?" he asked a bit of worry in his voice. 

"N-No I'm not okay!" I said as I started to cry hysterically. Terence was back and was already driving off again.

"Ella what's wrong tell me." he asked with a pleading tone.

"I can't do it, not on my own! I need you Harry, I'm overwhelmed I can't do it alone." I said crying out like a baby. I continued to talk until I had said all I had in my heart.

"I- I understand baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I promise to be more present, you're not alone, I am here but you have to understand that I have duties but for this day on to our wedding I will clear my schedule for you so I can be with you and help you as the good future husband I am going to be for you. I promise, baby forgive me please, I will be there, I am here, I am all yours so please come I am waiting for you and I am waiting for you with a big big hug."  he said, which made me calm down and feel better, feel loved and feel really important, all I could think about was this hug he was talking about.

For the rest of the ride we stayed on the phone together and talked, he made me feel so much better, he made me feel secure, once I arrived to the location of the food testing, he was outside waiting for me, paparazzis were there taking pictures of him but still he was there waiting for me, not caring about anything but me. 

When the car pulled over Terence stayed in the car while Harry opened my door, as soon as I stepped out he hugged me tightly in front of all the paparazzis, but I didn't care and he didn't seem to care either, it was just the both of us in our bubble, I was feeling all the love he had for me. Now I was confident in everything, no more overthinking, no more wasting my time with bad thoughts. 

Checkmate, I won over my brain and my bad thoughts. 

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"Don't ever let your overthinking tell you what to think or what to do, most of the time you're the one hurting yourself with thoughts of things that will probably never happen, see the life in color not in black and white, stand up, go out and prove your overthinking wrong, wether it's because you're afraid of something, somebody or a moment. Overthinking ruins your life. Go out and live it to the fullest you're waisting your time overthinking." - C.M.

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Lots of love ❤ 

Ceph xx