Maybe It Is Suppose to Be This Way

Two

August 20th, 2010

Kellins POV.

                                      I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the crowd today. I think it was the biggest one yet. We were in California for our tour and I imagined California would be a big crowd but fuck did I underestimate it. I was pretty nervous but once Vic and I finished set with "King For a Day" I was feeling pumped and redeemed. 

                                    I asked Vic to come get some food with me and Jesse afterwards, and likewise, he brought Jaime with him.  I guess the rest of the guys wanted to stay in for the night. I was fine with that, because Mike and Justin were too rowdy anyways. 

                                     " Vic pass the fuckin' breadsticks man." I demanded. He gave me a dirty look and we both laughed it off. These breadsticks were the best I'd ever had. I'd probably had 5 before the actual meal. "Maybe you should slow down before you end up on "My 600 pound life", he retorted. We all laughed and I couldn't help but grab yet another delicious stick of bread before adding," My metabolism is faster than you in bed." Jesse nudged my shoulder and chimed in with, "How would you know?" He wiggled his eyebrows seductively with a sly smirk. "Nah its no secret everyone knows Vic doesn't last long." We all shared a quick laugh before Vic decided to redeem himself in this conversation. "I'll have you know I can fuck for hours without getting off. Its all about self-control gentlemen." 

                                  "Yeah I'm sure Kellin can put you to the test", Jesse said. I chuckled and patted Vic's arm from across the table. "Oh I already have", I jokingly stated.  We all laughed before the food finally got around to our table and we eagerly grabbed our silverware to dig in. 

                                  We ate in silence because the food was so fuckin' good. I had a creamy basil fettuccine Alfredo and boy it was like Jesus Christ himself was on my plate. Of course I couldn't finish it because my fat ass ate the entirety of breadsticks in the restaurant before hand. But nevertheless, we all enjoyed our meals and headed to our tour buses afterwards. 

                                   Jesse and I walked through the door of the tour bus and was greeted by the guys. Gabe and  Justin were playing black ops, per usual. "Hey, Vic got here before you two fucks did. I'm pretty sure he's asleep though." Jack explained, walking out from the back of the bus where our beds were. "Why's Vic here?" I asked. I wasn't upset. More excited than anything 'cause I always had fun around him. "I don't know, said he had some shit to show you." Jack replied. "Um Okay." I replied questioningly. 

                                 I made my way to the back of the bus where my bunk-room was. When I got there, Vic was laying in my bed looking at his phone. He quickly looked up at me and smiled. "Look at this."  He patted the spot next to him and I plopped down on the bed next to him, leaning in to look at whatever was on his phone. He scrolled through twitter of a hundred retweets of the same picture: Jack and Justin kissing. I chuckled, confused about what the point of it was. "Look at the comments", he suggested. He clicked on just one post and scrolled through the comments, all of which were relatively the same. 

"Omg if only @kellinquinn and @piercethevic would do this"

"if I saw kellin and vic do this I'd cry"

"Why did this picture bring back my love for sws tho" 

"I wanna write another fan fiction oml" 

"Kellin, Vic, pls. pls do us all a favor and kiss" 

" If Kellin and Vic kiss my dreams will be fulfilled"

                                   "Oh my god", I laughed. Vic laughed with me and and nudged my shoulder. "Hey, we should do it!" I turned to look at him and smiled. "Vic, if there's one dude on this earth I would be comfortable kissing on stage, it'd be you." He seemed to smile like it meant something to him and I got this weird feeling in my chest. It was like I thought he was cute or something, which was impossible because I'm straight and I don't swing that way.  I pushed the thought aside and decided to cut the awkwardness with a question. "So when do we do it?" 

                                        "I was thinking tomorrow at the end of our set," He replied. He lied down in my bed and sighed a little. " Do you ever feel like you're drowning?" The question took me off guard and I gave him a weird look. I pushed myself to the foot of the bed and leaned my back against the wall so that I was facing him while he was laying down. "Uh.." I started off. "I just feel so alone. In my personal life. I wanted to know if you ever felt the same", he added. We sat in silence for a bit while thoughts ran through my mind. Yes, I'd always felt alone in everything I did. " I mean I know you have Katelynne and I'm sure she takes away a lot of that feeling for you, but like, do you ever feel that way? Even just a little bit?" He continued. I took a deep breath and sighed, then locked eyes with him. " A relationship doesn't always mean you're happy. I like her a lot but, there's just something off about the whole thing. She's in love with me but I have virtually no deep feelings for her... I don't know. I do feel alone. A lot actually. I do feel like I'm drowning. The only thing keeping me alive right now is the few moments I actually get a breath of air." He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. " I know. I can see it in you. Everyone thinks you're this happy-go-lucky guy but, I always wondered what was really going on in your head." 

                                    I felt this warmth in my chest. I felt glad that someone had noticed I was in pain and I felt glad it was my best friend. I trusted him more than anyone and I knew he understood exactly how I felt. I knew Vic had gone through a lot of shit in his life. His girlfriend died of cancer last year and I knew it took a huge toll on him. I knew he felt guilty for "not loving her better". But I knew their relationship. They fell out of love by the end of the relationship but they still loved each other. They were best friends. But, neither one of them could admit they fell out of love. Vic's reasoning for not leaving was because he didn't want to hurt her and destroy their friendship. Then, when she got cancer it was like his whole world turned to dust. He became distant and stopped eating or sleeping. He was hurt tremendously. 

                                  "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you", he said, breaking me out of my thoughts. " I know, I'm here for you too Vic."