About Time To Fall In Love Again

No Place to Return

I left the man who loved me the most. It had been years since Jon and I broke up. How did it happen? I was at fault. I ended our three years relationship just to be with a popular guy in social media. That guy was a vlogger, influencer and he was totally hot. He seemed to be the ideal man for me.

I was a graduating student taking my bachelor degree in social work when I met Gio in one of the outreach program of the agency where I was doing my internship. He was nice and we became friends in an instant because we almost have the same interest in arts and in children. We hang out often since he always visited the agency. Gio was doing a fund raising project to help neglected and abandoned children which I found attractive to someone like him. I fell into his charm and that time I became confused of my feelings for Jon.

Jon was a great person. He might not be a perfect boyfriend but he always prioritized my happiness over his. Days passed by and things between me and Jon were in the brink of collapsing. I started to distance myself from him, I ignored his calls and I lied to him all the time. He kept understanding me until the day I told him to stop. I was so guilty that I was stabbing him from the back. Jon told me that he would be better but I told him that I fell in love with someone else. I knew I hurt him so bad when I said that and I knew that I was being heartless with the fact that I cheated on him. I secretly dated Gio while Jon and I were still together for a two months before I finally ended things between me and Jon.

A week after Jon and I broke up, he told me that he had already forgiven me so I didn't need to worry and to feel sorry that I hurt him. He was willing to forget what I did just to win me back. Some part of me wanted to work things out with Jon but I thought it was just because of guilt. Little did I know that it was love.

Since I dumped Jon we never saw each other again. He went back to their province right after our graduation. I was happy with Gio. I met his friends and family. I thought he was the one but one day I just woke up missing Jon. Our memories together flooded back in my thoughts. I felt a pang in my chest knowing that I hurt him so bad. I cried in my room until Gio came over. He asked me to tell him what was my problem and what made me cry. Knowing that he would comfort me, I told him that I was missing Jon. After that I did not expect what he did. He cursed at me and called me names and he accused me of cheating on him. I explained to him that I was not and I was just feeling guilty but he did not listen to me. He ended our one year relationship. I was heartbroken and I tried to reach out to him and to clear things but he did not listen. I thought I was going to be insane when I learned that a week after we broke up he started to date his co-vlogger.

I lost confidence in myself and I thought that it was my karma for hurting Jon. I flew to States to start anew. I applied for a job there and because of my good credentials, I was hired in a stable position where I could support myself and have a little luxury. I focused on my job and I refrained myself from dating.

******

It was one rainy evening during the second anniversary of being hired as a clinical social worker when I decided to celebrate on my own after work. Two years had passed and I was about to be promoted in higher position soon so there was more reason to celebrate. I chose to eat in a Filipino Restaurant since I was missing my family and the country's foods. I ordered my favorite adobo with rice and another bowl of pork sinigang. There were few customers since it was almost late to eat dinner.

"Freya?" Called the man behind me.

I was frozen in my seat after I heard that voice again. Shame and guilt devoured me once again. I could not bring myself to turn around and face him that moment. When he thought that I didn't hear him, he went in front of me. He was still the same man from my past. My tears were about to betray me when he smiled at me and when he sat in the my table. We were facing each other while thinking who would start the conversation again.