Guilty Pleasure Friends

Face Your Feelings

Tsurugi's eyes fluttered open, and for a moment he couldn't remember a thing. All he saw was a white ceiling, bright lamps, and an equally white wall ahead of him. Everything was blurry. On one side something gave off rhythmic beeps. The smell of disinfectant was heavy in the air, so intense he could almost taste it.

Where was he? His thoughts moved sluggishly, as if wrapped in fog... no, in cotton. The view and sounds and smell said hospital. Why was he in a hospital again? Had something happened to him? An accident, maybe... No. No, he remembered something. Little by little...

He recalled the text from Mahiru, giving a location and calling for help. Then he had gone to Yumi and Jun, and finally to Touma. Touma had sent everyone from C3 who could be spared and laid out a carefully detailed plan. They had reached the building, barged in. The rest of it had been battle...

...and then?

Tsurugi furrowed his brow and tried to concentrate, but after entering the battle everything was patchy. He vaguely remembered a pain, a dizziness. Being cut off from his friends, fighting alone. Then the ground. Mahiru had been there, he believed, and maybe Kuro too. Somehow he couldn't shake the feeling that something had happened to Kuro. Had there been an ambulance? It seemed like there had, but he couldn't remember if they had come for him or Kuro or both.

Had he been injured in the fight? That wouldn't be the first time. But how bad had his injury been to make him end up here? He couldn't even remember the last time that had happened to him. Middle school? No... when had it been?

Tsurugi pushed, and the cotton in his head shifted a little. Something else had happened earlier, he could feel it. Something important. Mikuni... He clearly remembered Mikuni's voice. Saying something, something important. He knew it had been important. But now that he lay here he couldn't remember what it was. All he remembered was lying on the ground feeling like he was going to die while familiar voices shouted at him and each other.

Had Mikuni even been there? Had it been a dream? A hallucination?

And what had happened after that?

"Oh, Tsurugi-san, you're awake."

A form bent over him, blurry but still familiar. He recognized this hat, this wavy blond hair. And the voice, that voice was something he could recognize anywhere, at any time.

"Ku..." His speech came out blurry, his lips refusing to bend to his will. "Kuni...chan?"

"Good morning, Tsurugi-san." Tsurugi couldn't be sure in his current state, but he thought he heard a smile in Mikuni's tone. "You've slept for some time, I was almost ready to hope you were finally dead." The blurry form shifted closer, and Tsurugi could dimly make out Mikuni's features. "How are we feeling?"

"Kuni-chan..." Tsurugi said again, trying and failing to focus his drowsy eyes on Mikuni's face as they glazed over again. "What... happened?"

Mikuni shifted again, then he sat back in what was evidently a chair that Tsurugi hadn't noticed before. "A lot of things," he said lightly. "I guess I could say you've been rescued."

Tsurugi tried to piece together his memories, but they stubbornly remained patchy. "Res...cued...?"

"Oh yes, your body was this close to giving up the ghost. But the doctors took care of you, and now you should be all fine. Well, fine for the time being." Mikuni's face slowly grew clearer in front of his eyes, although Tsurugi still couldn't make sense of his expression. "You still won't be able to fight again. And it's a good thing you won't have to."

Tsurugi closed his eyes and opened them again. Mikuni's words didn't fully make sense. Some parts he understood. He had been weak, dizzy, then in pain, and then he had woken up here. But the last few sentences...

If he couldn't fight anymore, what of Touma? What would he say? And what did Mikuni mean, he wouldn't have to anymore? Not that Touma had given up on this project and decided to love him as an ordinary son, for who he was. Even his drowsy, sleep-addled mind could tell that much.

"Don't be silly, Kuni-chan," he said in a clearer voice but with a lot of effort. "Of course I have to keep fighting. I–"

"No, you can't," Mikuni cut him off, "because if you did, you would quite simply die."

Tsurugi blinked. Little by little the full extent of Mikuni's words began to dawn on him.

"But... if I have to fight..." he stuttered out. "Tai-chan, he..." He'll kick me out. He will reject me. Even in this state he couldn't say these words out loud.

Tears shot into his eyes, tears of pain and panic. The numbness of the medication began to fade. His mind grew clearer and clearer. Touma wouldn't want him anymore, he knew. Touma would refuse him. The first person to have shown him kindness and love like a parent, like family... and now it was over. Because his stupid weak body couldn't keep up with the things he needed to do.

He was abandoned again. No family. Nothing.

What had he been saved for? Why had he survived? He should have been dead. It would have been better to die. Better than waking up with the knowledge that his only family wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore. Better than waking up and having nowhere left to go.

"Actually," Mikuni said, snapping him out of his thoughts, "Touma-sensei doesn't know what happened to you yet."

Tsurugi swallowed and sniffled. "What?"

"The story we sold him was that your friends lost you in the fight and you've been nowhere to be found since." Mikuni smirked. "Remember? We stole you away to the hospital behind his back."

Tsurugi furrowed his brow, trying to recall. So Mikuni really had been there. And the thing the others had been arguing and debating about... so it was this? A scheme... Mikuni's, most likely. Mikuni had come in and suggested a ridiculous plan and managed to convince his friends to join him in the end.

What was he supposed to think of that? He should be happy... but this was Mikuni. Mikuni, who had made it all too clear that he wanted nothing more to do with him unless he deserted Touma. And he had still been taken away from Touma and hidden from him for now. Maybe temporarily that was fine. But how should they hide his lasting damages when he returned? Mikuni wasn't planning to take him away from Touma completely... was he?

Was he?

Tsurugi's head shot up, and immediately he sank back into the pillow as a splitting headache shot through his skull. His mind was more or less clear now, except for the memory gap. His body, however, refused to collaborate. Even if he wanted to do something about his situation, it had to wait.

Besides, what exactly did he want to do, anyway? Run out of the hospital and back to Touma? And then? Pretend to be fine and risk dying the next time he had to put a strain on his body? Tell him the truth and face the consequences?

No matter how he thought about it, every option was riddled with pain and despair.

"Kuni-chan..." he asked, not meeting his eye. "What are you going to do with me?"

Mikuni's shadow fell over his face again. "What do you mean?"

"Will you keep me away from Tai-chan?" Tsurugi tried to put on a fake dramatic voice and failed, his real emotions seeping through at every corner. "Will you keep me imprisoned in this hospital room forever? Will you kidnap me after I'm released and lock me up so I can never see my family again?"

"No."

Fingers brushed lightly against his cheek, and Mikuni leaned close, his warm breath caressing Tsurugi's lips. "I'm going to keep you safe," he said softly, tenderly, and Tsurugi's chest constricted with memories of the last time he had used this tone, happy days long lost. "I'll hide you away until you recognize your own worth and stop depending on the man who ruined you. I won't kidnap you." He leaned even closer, almost close enough to kiss, if Tsurugi had dared. "Run away with me, Tsurugi-san. You deserve better than this."

Tsurugi's heart stirred. Confused, drowsy and medicine-addled, he wanted to cry. Why was he faced with a choice like this again? He had already made up his mind, long ago. He would stay with Touma. He had chosen to stay with Touma, even if it killed him. So why? Why was Mikuni here again, baiting him with the one thing he had longed for so desperately ever since he had lost it?

"You're trying to seduce me, Kuni-chan," he said, struggling to mask his messed-up emotions with a fake smile. "I didn't know you had missed me that much."

Mikuni blinked a little, then he smirked. "They do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder," he said, sitting back in his chair. "And I thought that maybe now that your situation changed, we might give this another go."

"I've chosen Tai-chan over you before, you know."

"Maybe so. But you don't have to choose between me and him this time." Mikuni crossed his legs. "You choose between life and death, Tsurugi-san. Between happiness without Touma-sensei and your own destruction."

Tsurugi said nothing. He didn't feel like he needed to explain. Mikuni knew how he felt. Mikuni knew that he was seriously considering giving up on life. For so long it had felt like his will to live was tied entirely to Touma. Without him there was simply nothing to keep him going anymore.

"How good that you don't have to decide yet," Mikuni said after a moment's silence, rising from his chair. "For now all you have to do is lie around here in this hospital bed, be a good boy, and wait till you're released. And I get to enjoy the view of you lying here powerless and incapacitated for a little longer." He smiled innocently. "Should I bring you anything? Books? Snacks? Flowers? A get-well-soon card?"

A new family? Tsurugi added in his head.

"Your lasting absence would be nice," he said out loud. "Or perhaps a black eye or two on your face."

"Oh, but they suit you so much better." Mikuni made a face at him. "Still, I'll see what can be done."

"A bruise will do too, you know."

"Don't ask too much. I'm not like you, I actually have to try hard to get injured."

The corners of Tsurugi's mouth twitched. For the first time since waking up something like amusement tugged at him through the confusion and hopelessness and despair. "Hm, so how do you explain the subway tunnel three years ago?"

Mikuni scoffed. "I was bluffing, naturally. I couldn't keep stealing all of your glory forever."

"Keep telling yourself that, Kuni-chan."

"Hurry up and die."

Mikuni made an unmistakable gesture, and Tsurugi returned it. Then he stepped out of the hospital room and closed the door behind him.

Tsurugi was left alone, wishing for nothing more than the forgetfulness of sleep to escape from the loneliness and dread of the days to come.

---

Mikuni leaned his back against the door, closing his eyes and using the moment of solitude to compose himself and readjust his mask of lightheartedness and mischief. That, he thought, had been unsettling. Much more so than he thought. He had almost given in, almost let slip the emotions that he still refused to admit to anyone, even himself. For a few moments he had been this close to falling back into the very person he had vowed to leave behind for the rest of his life.

Kamiya Tsurugi was dangerous. Not as a fighter, not anymore. Yet even that very fact made him all the more dangerous, the way he lay there defenseless, emotional and frighteningly honest. He was a temptation, a lure. A trap Mikuni had been seconds away from walking into.

He had made that mistake before. He wouldn't do it again. Whatever had happened between them lay in the past now. They were finished. The only reason why he brought it up again now was to lure Tsurugi into coming with him.

Don't lie to yourself. You do care, don't you?

The voice was somewhere inside his head, hidden deep where he couldn't grasp it and crush it in its roots. Mikuni scoffed. Perhaps he did care about Tsurugi, a little bit, but no longer in that way. He knew where Tsurugi's priorities lay. No, more than that... he knew where is ideals lay. Ideals he could never agree with. Not back then, not now, not ever.

"Don't get the wrong idea, Tsurugi-san," he muttered under his breath. "I don't want you back. The only reason I'm doing all this for you is to teach Touma-sensei a lesson."

---

Licht kicked a pebble across the path, giving a frustrated huff.

He and Hyde had barely interacted today. They were always together, bickering, talking, both doing their own thing but enjoying each other's presence, or at least that was how it had been for the past few months. He had fully expected it to be the same today. After all, why should things change? Nothing had changed anything between them so far. Why should things suddenly be different because of one stupid kiss?

And yet Hyde had barely spoken to him. He had sat in the same place as always, but he had shown up to class very late, only barely bursting in on time and immediately busying himself with his schoolbooks. Between classes he had either pretended to be distracted or chatted with others, and at lunch he had dashed off shouting something about friends from another class he couldn't wait to meet. Licht hadn't seen him all break. He hadn't been with the Servamps, and where else he had gone off to Licht couldn't tell. He would have gone to look for him, but he had been hungry.

It wasn't until after class that Licht finally managed to get a chance to confront Hyde. He had tried to call him out and – admittedly rather rudely – invite him to go back to the dorms together, but the stupid hedgehog had blabbered something about a drama club meeting and off he went. Only afterwards had Licht found out that the drama club didn't have any meetings today. And now he didn't have the faintest idea where the hell to look for him.

He kicked another pebble. Why now? Was the stupid hedgehog making a scene over the kiss? If he had hated it, he should just say so. And honestly, knowing how prone the guy was to complaining and throwing fits, Licht didn't doubt that he would have. So that meant he hadn't hated it. But then why the sudden weirdness?

Had he not hated the kiss itself, but had it made him hate Licht all of a sudden?

Licht tried to remember if he had ever seen Hyde express real hatred towards anyone before, but his mind drew a blank. The closest thing he had witnessed was their constant bickering after they first met, and even that had always seemed more like a game, more than half pretend. Hyde had called him names all the time, and he had picked fights, but he had also clung to him for the fun of it and become more annoying the more Licht tried to push him away. But barely talking to him and making up excuses to get away from him? That was new.

He just wished he could find the stupid guy and ask him what was up. He had even tried to call and text him several times, but to no avail; his calls aren't getting through, and his messages were left unread. Licht stomped his foot. This coward. What was he doing, suddenly avoiding him like this? If he had a problem, he should just man up and say it!

He wondered if Hyde was still at school somewhere. Maybe he really had gone to the drama club room despite the lack of a meeting, he mused. Or to some other place Licht didn't know about. If he turned around and went to look for him now, would he find him?

Only one way to find out.

Spinning around on his heel, he marched back towards the school with a newfound determination. If this idiot was anywhere near the school grounds, no matter how long it took, he would find him.

And when he did, that idiot would be in for the scolding of his life.

---

Hyde didn't know what had driven him to swing himself on his bicycle and come here after school. He didn't like this place, and he was virtually certain that nothing short of a miracle would ever change his mind. And yet here he was. For what reason, he himself couldn't tell.

And yet here he was. Running away from his problems and feelings, standing in front of the hospital and trying to work up the courage to go in.

Who did he even want to visit, he wondered? Hugh? Kuro? He wasn't particularly close to either of them. They were on the same side, but he still hadn't forgiven them for the decision that had ended up breaking the Servamps apart. Especially not Kuro.

Should he just go home?

He could still turn back now, he thought. No one had seen him. Nobody knew he was here, and nobody was expecting him. Mahiru would probably show up to visit Kuro sooner or later, and Tetsu would check up on Hugh, possibly accompanied by Misono and maybe even Lily. But none of them were around right now. If he left this place and went to the movies or the arcade, no one would stop him.

And yet, if he did turn back now, he knew he would continue feeling a little off.

Taking a deep breath, inwardly cursing himself for the stupid idea that had brought him here, he locked his bicycle to a nearby streetlamp and entered the hospital. Maybe they wouldn't let him in, he thought. Maybe visiting hours hadn't started yet, or were already over. Hopefully. Then he could easily go wherever he wanted and not ask himself if he should have stayed.

And yet he was lucky, or unlucky, depending on the definition. Visiting hours had just begun, and they let him through, just like that. On an impulse he had asked for Kuro's room number. Hugh seemed to still be unconscious, and there was nothing he could do even if he visited him. Kuro, however, should be awake. Even if he didn't have the faintest idea what he should talk to him about.

Was it even okay, popping up like that, spontaneous and unannounced, without so much as a gift? Maybe he should go back, he thought, and at least buy a candy bar or a bag of potato chips or something. But if he did, he might return late. Kuro might already have other visitors. It was now or never.

So he swallowed, ignored the voice in his head that screamed and thrashed and frantically asked him what he thought he was doing, knocked, and opened the door into Kuro's room.

Kuro was awake. He didn't appear to be doing much of anything; his eyes moved down from the ceiling when the door opened, casually widening as he took in Hyde's form. Neither of them said anything.

Part of Hyde wanted to run away. Again.

"Hello, big brother," he said instead, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "So I heard you got yourself beat up?"

Kuro yawned. "Yup... what a pain." He gestured to his bandaged head. "And here I thought I was actually gonna die this time."

"Come on, big brother, you can't say that! Not that I care much," Hyde added quickly. "I still haven't forgiven you, even if we're allies. But what would Mahiru-kun think? He'd be so worried!"

A shadow fell over Kuro's face, and instantly Hyde realized he had made a mistake. "Well," he tried to follow up, "I mean–"

"Can't deal."

Hyde stopped short, caught off guard by the tone of exasperation in Kuro's voice. "What?"

"You call yourself an actor, and you can't even tell when people are kidding," Kuro said around a yawn. "So dense. Can't deal."

"Hey! With you I can never be sure if you're not secretly serious, big brother!"

Kuro blinked, shuffling under the covers and averting his gaze, fidgeting. "Like you've never joked about wanting to die," he mumbled almost defensively. "That's kinda a side effect of what we are."

Hyde said nothing. He wasn't sure what to respond. Kuro had a point, of course. They all had blood on their hands, countless stains they still felt long after water and time had washed them out. They all carried the guilt of having hurt others, innocents, over and over, so many times that at some point they had gone numb and stopped viewing their opponents as anything other than a job to be done. It was the only way to handle the images, the horrors, the regret and self-hatred that came with them. He didn't think there was anyone among them who hadn't made dark jokes, who had not at least idly wondered if they wouldn't be better off dead. He didn't think any of them had ever loved themselves much, or been happy with their lives.

But Kuro, of course, was a different case. Kuro had done more than the others. More and worse. No wonder he had this kind of attitude.

That wasn't a sympathetic thought, Hyde added quickly in his mind. He hoped that Kuro regretted his deeds bitterly. He deserved it. He deserved to regret them forever and ever, because that was how long their effects would last. For the rest of eternity.

And yet, Hyde thought, he was here now. Visiting him in the hospital, awkwardly standing at his bed and wondering what to say. Like an estranged family member visiting a relative they had fallen out with years ago, for no reason other than a strange sense of duty.

Not to make peace. Not yet. Just to talk.

"When are you getting released?" he asked, just to break the awkward silence. "Have they told you anything?"

Kuro shrugged, but his expression betrayed that he was glad of the change of subject. "Dunno," he said. "Probably not anytime soon. So I can stay in bed and skip school for at least a week or two." He stretched his arms. "The dream."

Hyde cracked a wry smile. "Mahiru-kun wouldn't like to hear that."

"Mahiru, Mahiru, Mahiru..." Kuro gazed at him with a twinkle of mischief, an expression Hyde hadn't seen directed at him in a long, long time. "You sure bring him up a lot. D'you have a crush on him or something?"

Hyde spluttered and gaped, genuinely torn between laughter and annoyance. "Big brother!" he burst out. "What even gives you that idea? Like I could ever fall for anyone else after the tragedy that was Ophe–"

"Oh, right. You like Angel-chan."

Hyde's mouth snapped shut. For a second he only stared at Kuro, blank-faced and wide-eyed, until finally his brain caught up with the entire situation.

"Wha– wha– wha– wait!" he spluttered, feeling his face turn redder and redder at lightning speed. "As if I could ever love that stupid angel when my poor broken heart is still yearning for– he– I–" His voice trailed off. His attempt to play it off with fake drama had failed miserably; even he could see that. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yeah, kinda," Kuro said without batting an eye, but Hyde had the slight feeling that he was enjoying this. "Don't worry, I don't think Angel-chan figured it out. Just everyone else."

"Big brother... This is a revenge for the time we all teased you about Mahiru-kun, isn't it?"

Kuro yawned. "Maybe."

"...Geez."

Hyde didn't know what else to respond with, and silence fell. Somehow the situation was awkward. They weren't friends, Hyde reminded himself; and yet here they were, having a friendly, playful conversation, poking fun at each other and being honest about personal issues. Any outsider would have thought they were good friends. If he had to make a comparison, they had almost sounded like... like back in the day. Middle school, before everything had gone to shambles.

No, he thought, not quite. Back then Kuro had been distant, reserved, always staying out of the group and minding his own business. There had been some sort of bond between the seven of them, he knew, but never any real friendship. At least not between Kuro and the others. Kuro had never relaxed around them the way he did now. He had rarely been playful or mischievous. And he had never seemed to have cared so much about their personal lives.

This Kuro was different from the one in middle school. He had changed. And Hyde had changed too. Maybe enough to talk through their disagreements and get over their falling-out–

He shook off the thought. No, impossible. However much Kuro had changed, that story still wasn't something he was willing to talk about. He still looked murderous when someone so much as alluded to it, let alone brought it up. Besides, it hadn't been a simple disagreement. This issue was too big to disappear from the world just by talking things out. Something life-changing would have to happen for Hyde to forgive him. Something impossible.

Still, after everything that had happened... Could it be possible that Kuro had changed his mind? Or at least thought of it, the way Hyde seemed to be doing right now?

"That story..."

Kuro's eyes flashed, and Hyde didn't know why he kept on speaking when he already had his answer. "Now that we're dealing with C3 and everything," he said anyway, "do you ever think about telling Mahiru-kun? About what happened... back then?"

"I do."

Kuro's answer was so blunt, so simple that for a moment Hyde was left speechless. "Wait," he said when he had processed the information. "You really do? But just a few days ago you were so–"

"I know," Kuro replied quietly. "But I've decided I can't keep hiding this from Mahiru forever. If I don't tell him... they will." Fear and hatred colored his voice, and Hyde shuddered, perfectly understanding him for a change. "So thinking simply, might as well tell him on my own terms."

Hyde blinked. Then a smirk crossed his face, and he started laughing.

"What?" Kuro mumbled, staring defensively towards the wall. "Did I say something funny? Can't deal."

"Oh, big brother..." Hyde smiled at him, almost fondly. "You used Mahiru-kun's catchphrase."

Kuro blinked, then he went pink, pulling the covers up to his nose. "What a pain," he mumbled. "It just fit."

"It's a strange phrase for you to use, nonetheless."

"Can't help it. That guy is contagious." Kuro rolled over onto his side. "Next thing I know I'm gonna try cleaning my room or something."

Hyde snorted; the unbidden image of Kuro in a housewifely apron, with his sleeves rolled up, had popped up in his head, armed with a vacuum cleaner and a feather duster to combat the dirt. "I don't think that'll happen anytime soon," he said, stifling a laugh.

Kuro returned his gaze with an amused glint in his eye. "Hopefully. I'm still allergic to housework."

They both smirked at each other, and suddenly that strange feeling was back, stronger than before. What was Hyde doing here? He wasn't supposed to be so buddy-buddy with Kuro of all people, and here he was, visiting him in the hospital and joking around with him! Was he forgetting all his principles?

He should probably pull the brakes before this went completely out of hand.

"Well," he said after an awkward silence, hastily backing away, "I guess I should probably leave before everyone else shows up. Bye-bye, big brother! Don't die of boredom without me!"

Before Kuro could respond he turned around and hurried towards the door. But just as his hand was about to curl around the doorknob Kuro's voice called him back.

"Hyde?"

He paused. The use of his name was rare, uncomfortable. And yet strangely personal.

"Yes?" he asked, turning around. "Forgot something, big brother?"

Kuro's face was unreadable. "Why did you come here?"

Hyde hesitated. Should he lie? Make a joke? No, there was no point. He couldn't think of anything, and even if he did, Kuro would see through him on the spot anyway.

So, cracking a wry smile, he said, "To run away from my problems."

Kuro still didn't bat an eye. If anything his expression was almost understanding. "'Kay."

Hyde didn't answer to that. He only turned back, opened the door and left the hospital room.

---

Thank goodness they had kept this place, just in case any of them ever needed a hideout.

Tsubaki took off his shoes, pulling the key out of the lock and closing the door behind him. His hand groped for the light switch on the wall. A dusty lamp went on. Yellow light filled a small apartment, really more of a single room with a bathroom and kitchen attached. Particles of dust floated in the light of the single lamp. There was electricity here, heating and internet connection, and Tsubaki knew that the kitchen drawers held an emergency stock of food and drinks here, but that was it. A couch to sleep on. Two blankets. The very bare necessities.

Thank goodness they had got ahold of this place, Tsubaki thought as he padded into the room. They had bought it under a fake identity back in the day, so it couldn't be traced back to Higan-sensei or any of them, an emergency hideout in case they didn't have anywhere else to go. Without it he would have been lost in the streets, soon to be found and arrested with everyone else. At least here he would be safe. And he wouldn't have to leave the apartment again anytime soon.

He stepped into the kitchen, opening the drawers. There were canned foods here and other things that didn't go bad quickly, mostly instant, he thought regretfully. The fridge was empty; but the freezer contained frozen vegetables and a few packs of ice cream.

Yes, he thought. He could stay in here for at least a week without rationing his food or needing to go outside and shop. There was enough for him here. Probably because it had been rationed for more than one person in the first place.

Tsubaki didn't dwell on that for too long. Instead he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower, letting hot water wash away the dirt of battle on his skin, trying not to think about anything. He simply focused on the trickle of the drops as they ran down his body.

Finally he was clean, and there was a towel ready on the stack of three or four towels piled next to the shower. He wouldn't need all those, he thought. But clothes, he might need a change of clothes. He couldn't wear his dirtied school uniform day and night.

Wrapping the towel around his waist, Tsubaki opened the small closet across from the couch. There were a few sets of underwear, and he found a black yukata that more or less fit his size. He could wear that for the time being and see about the rest later.

Now he just needed a meal and he would be perfectly happy. Maybe he could make himself some tea. And then a late dinner. Rice, maybe. Or he could use the vegetables from the freezer. Or both.

In the end, however, he only took a cup of instant ramen and filled it with the leftover hot water from the tea. No use putting in much energy. He didn't even like instant ramen that much. The cup was filling, but that was it.

He tried humming a tune, but it fell dead in the silence. Outside the window a lone car passed by. He wondered where it was going. Barely anyone ever drove down this street in the dead of night.

Part of him listened for footsteps, voices, any sign of life outside the door. He wondered if he should check his phone again. Maybe someone had escaped after all. Sakuya should have. Perhaps he–

He shook his head. Too late for that. He had resolved to continue without them all. It was better that way. They would be safe. And Sakuya... Sakuya was happier without him too. No more getting in trouble. No more conflicting loyalty. Tsubaki had always known how much he cared about Shirota Mahiru and the others. Now there was nothing standing between him and that friendship anymore. It was best to leave him alone.

So all Tsubaki could do was sit in here and hide until he had come up with a plan. Whenever that was. Whatever it was.

He yawned. A glance at the clock on the wall told him that it was close to three in the morning. He should probably sleep, he thought. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

Putting the empty ramen cup and used chopsticks on the kitchen counter, still wearing his yukata, he grabbed one of the blankets and curled up on the couch. It was warm enough and surprisingly comfortable. Or maybe he was just sleepy enough not to care.

This place was nice, he thought. He could easily stay here for a handful of days to weeks.

If only it wasn't so lonely.

---

Hyde had barely ventured to switch his phone back on when he was met with a flood of texts and missed calls.

He jolted, barely getting ready to read through them all when his phone rang again, nearly making him drop it. The call was from Licht. Of course it was. Just like all the other zillion texts and missed calls.

Part of him was happy. The other hesitated. What on earth did Licht keep texting and calling him for? So maybe he had been a little strange and avoidant today, sure. Maybe he had also quite flatly ditched him and run away. So what? Was that alone reason enough to try this hard to reach him? It would have been sufficient to wait for his return or try to confront him at school tomorrow... right?

Should he take the call? Should he ignore it?

He could easily keep running away, he knew. Avoid Licht for a little while longer, at least until he had figured out what to say and how to explain his sudden change in behavior.

But before he knew what he was doing, he had already pressed the answer button.

"Hello!" he shouted all-too-cheerily into the speaker, masking his insecurity. "Angel-chan, how nice to hear of you! How can I help you today?"

"Shit rat, where the fuck have you been?"

Hyde jolted, hastily holding the phone at arm's length as he toned down the volume on the speaker buttons. "Don't give me this bullshit!" Licht's voice shouted from the speakers. "You're lucky I can't kick your stupid ass where you are! Where have you been and what have you been doing? And why did you go hours without answering your fucking phone, you stupid hedgehog?"

Shrinking back, Hyde grinned apologetically at the phone, fully knowing Licht couldn't see his expression. "Hey now," he said, "Lichtan, it's not that much of a big deal..."

"Damn right it is." Licht's voice was quieter now but still just as harsh. "You think people don't get worried after the last time you disappared like this?"

Hyde gave a jolt. Licht was right, he realized. The last time he had vanished without a trace, declaring where he was going and never arriving there, not picking up his phone or responding to messages... they both knew all too well what had happened back then.

But... wait a minute.

"Angel-chan," he said, barely daring to believe his words, "did you just say you got worried about me?"

Licht's response was as blunt as it was immediate. "Problem?"

"Well... uh..." Hyde actually didn't know how to respond. "It's weird! You used to fling nothing but insults at me and now you're being nice! Why, Angel-chan, if I didn't know better I'd say it almost looks like you like m–"

"Hyde."

He stopped short. His heartbeat drummed faster and louder than usual, as if sensing that Licht was about to say something important based on the tone of his interruption alone. Part of him considered hanging up and switching his phone back off again. The larger part, however, stayed put and spoke. "Yes?"

"You've been avoiding me."

His heart almost stopped.

"Don't tell me it's not true," Licht went on, his voice still not betraying any emotion except that harsh, demanding inquisitiveness Hyde was starting to know so well. "You barely talked to me all day. At lunch you ran away and hid till the break was over. And after class you lied to me about a drama club meeting that didn't happen and didn't pick up your phone for hours." Even through the speaker Hyde could feel Licht's piercing gaze, cold and accusing. "You got a problem with me or something?"

What should he say?

Hyde could lie his way out, he knew. He could dismiss Licht's observations, saying he was just having an off day, or he could make up some convoluted reason for avoiding him. Or he could hang up and turn off his phone. A large part of him wanted to do just that. After all, what should he tell him? That he had feelings for Licht and didn't know if the kiss yesterday meant he felt the same way? That he didn't have the slightest idea how he was supposed to act or how he should deal with it all?

He wanted to back out. He wanted to escape.

But then what?

If he found some excuse, if he ended the call, if he ran away again, nothing would be solved. Tomorrow would find them in front of the exact same problem again. He couldn't run forever. Licht was never stupid enough to buy his lies a second time.

Kuro's voice flashed through his mind. I can't keep hiding this from Mahiru forever. After all this time he had decided to own up to everything and tell him the truth. Kuro, the very same Kuro who had been running away from everything for years and years on end.

If Kuro could do this... didn't that mean that he could too?

Didn't it mean that he should? Especially since, compared to Kuro's story, his own concerns were so trivial and unimportant?

How much longer was he planning to avoid things? How much longer was he planning to hide his true feelings until he had missed his chance?

He took a deep breath.

"The kiss," he said.

For a few heartbeats Licht was perfectly silent. The only sound was the rush of a car passing in the distance and disappearing down the street.

At last Licht's voice came from the speakers again, but it sounded strange, different from anything Hyde had heard since the day he met him. "Did you hate it?" he asked. "Then why didn't you say so?"

"No... no. That's not it, Lichtan." Hyde shook his head, his own thoughts and feelings becoming clearer and clearer in his mind as he spoke. "I just don't know how to go about it right now. Does it mean you were just messing around? Does it mean you have feelings for me? Should I act any different now? Should I act the same? I can't tell at all, stupid Angel-chan!" He huffed in familiar annoyance. "You had me all confused, geez!"

Licht was silent again. Then he finally spoke, and this time his voice sounded almost normal again. "That was your problem?" he asked. "Moron, just say so! I'm not psychic, stupid hedgehog."

Hyde couldn't help it; he gave a laugh. "Sorry, Lichtan. I panicked."

"Learn not to panic." Maybe Hyde was imagining it, but he thought there was a smirk in Licht's voice. "So, you have no problem if I kiss you again?"

Hyde almost dropped the phone. "What?"

His hands shook. His heart raced at a mile a minute. Was Licht aware what he had just said? No, that was the wrong question; Licht was always aware. He knew what he was saying. He knew what he was doing. But, but... did that mean... could it be?

"You make me feel... things," Licht said bluntly, and yet Hyde caught a slight awkwardness catching in his voice, a vulnerability that wasn't usually there. "I don't know if it's love or whatever. Just some kind of feeling." There was a rustle in the line, as if he had shifted his position. "I guess I need time to figure it out. Spend more time with you and shit, and watch my feelings. Maybe kiss you again."

Hyde was silent. His head spun.

"So," Licht said after a pause, "you mind if I do that with you?"

His voice was strangely soft, Hyde realized. Not shy, not hesitant, not embarrassed. Just gentler than usual, warmer, almost affectionate. No, not affectionate. Seductive might be nearer the mark, as if he was leaning into him and cupping his face, fixing his eyes with a firm gaze as his lips curled up into a warm but confident smirk.

Angel-chan, you charmer. I never knew you could become so forward when you think you like someone.

Of course Hyde couldn't say no to that. Of course he couldn't reject him, not when he had felt drawn to him for so long, not when this chance was already more than he had ever hoped to get from Licht. And especially not when he was being asked– no, swept off his feet like this.

"Why not," he said, suddenly grinning. "I could imagine worse than winning the heart of a gorgeous, stupid Angel-chan."

"Hey, don't act like I asked you out." In a flash Licht's voice was back to normal. "Nothing's sure yet."

"I know, geez! But–" He didn't know where that sentence came from. He didn't know why he thought it; and before he fully understood it he had already said it out loud. "But if you're not sure if you like me, I can make you sure."

"Are you trying to seduce me, hedgehog?"

"Of course! And then I'll dramatically break your heart, like in a play." Hyde struck a pose, his heart thudding against his ribcage, his voice barely managing to hide the relief at what had almost turned into an accidental love confession. "Wouldn't we make a dramatic couple? We would make audiences weep for ages and ages!"

"Fuck off." Licht made a sound somewhere between a scoff and a snort. "Happy endings are way better anyway. They're more angelic."

"Wha– That's what you mind about this joke?"

"Shut up, shit rat! Are you actually in for this or not?"

Hyde sobered up. Then, still jittery and shaky and all kinds of startled, he smiled at the phone.

"Like I could ever say no to such a perfect angel."

---

"And he still hasn't woken up?"

The nurse shook her head, her expression grave. "His body has suffered severe trauma," she said. "It can knock people out for quite some time, especially in combination with medication and painkillers, to say nothing of the aftereffects of the sleeping drug. He should wake up soon, but for now he's still out." She eyed them both, her gaze resting on Tetsu. "Do you still want to see him?"

They nodded without hesitation. "Sure," Tetsu said just as Misono replied, "Of course. That's why we came here."

"Okay," she said, sighing and leading the way through the corridors. "His family has already been here to visit," she said. "A... curious group, to say the least– ah, but I shouldn't gossip! You two are his friends, aren't you?"

"He is the friend," Misono said, pointing at Tetsu. "I mostly came here for emotional support."

The nurse cracked a half-amused smile. Misono blushed slightly, suddenly becoming aware of the sentimental implications in his matter-of-fact remark; but before he could protest Tetsu had already placed a hand on his shoulder. "That's not true," he said. "Hugh would've said that I'm his friend, so my friends are his friends too."

Misono said nothing. His eyes rested on Tetsu's face. He didn't seem quite as down as he had been last night. He still looked worried and anxious, but he was calmer now, less acutely terrified even though there were still no good news. Misono wondered if he still blamed himself for the injuries. If he did, it didn't show on his face.

The nurse led them to the door and let them inside. "Looks like he's still unconscious," she said as she turned back around. "But he could wake up at any moment now."

With that she closed the door, and Misono and Tetsu were left in the room alone.

Aside from Hugh, of course.

"Hugh?" Tetsu called softly, hurrying over to the bed and kneeling down by his friend's size like a tall knight tending to a small injured princeling. "Hugh, can you hear me?"

Hugh didn't respond. He didn't even stir or open his eyes; the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest was the only sign that he was alive at all.

"He's still out," Tetsu muttered, not leaving his spot. "I wonder if he's gonna wake up while we're here."

Misono stepped up to him. "I wonder," he said as his eyes lingered on Hugh's small form, taking in the countless casts and tapes and stitches, the frightening pallor of his skin. Only little color had returned to his face since last night. Truth be told, he had his doubts about Hugh waking up soon. And even if he did, Misono wouldn't want that. Mostly because he had no idea how the two of them should break the bad news to him.

For a few minutes neither of them said a word. Tetsu remained where he knelt, ignoring even the chair he had sat in last night. Misono let his gaze wander. The room still looked much the same as it had in the middle of the night, except that now daylight illuminated it instead of the bright, clinical white of the ceiling lamps. There was another bed here, but it was empty. Misono wondered if Hugh would eventually get a roommate. He also wondered if this room was far from where Lily had been back then. His intuition told him it had to be in the same area, but back then he had been too stressed and emotional to notice much.

His eyes lingered on the bedside table. A melon had been brought here, neatly packaged, as well as a book and several chocolate bars. Presumably from Hugh's family, Misono thought. His family...

"Do you know what the nurse meant earlier?" he asked into the silence. "About Hugh's family?"

Tetsu looked up, blinking as if roused from a dream. "Not really," he said, shaking his head. "Now that you say it, Hugh's never really said anything about his family before."

"I wonder what the nurse meant when she called them curious." Misono sat down in the chair, eyeing the gifts; all of them expensive items, he noted, and yet something felt off. "Come to think of it – where did they go so quickly? Visiting hours are far from over, and they are his family."

Tetsu shrugged. "Maybe they're very busy or something."

So busy that they cannot make time for their badly injured, unconscious relative? Misono thought. "Maybe," he said out loud. "Or maybe they couldn't bear the sight for long."

"Mhm."

Silence.

"Hey," Tetsu said after a long moment, gazing back down at Hugh's still-unmoving form, "you think they're gonna tell us if he can still use his legs anytime soon?"

Misono tensed; he didn't know, and he didn't want to answer. "I wonder," he said. "I have no experience in matters like this, but I presume it can take a few days until they know for sure."

Tetsu didn't reply to that; he only reached out to brush a strand of hair out of Hugh's face, his expression grave with worry and sadness. Misono didn't know what to say. He wanted to comfort him somehow. He wanted him to tell him he understood the feeling, this agony of waiting and not knowing the results, being able to do nothing except sit at his injured best friend's side and hope it would all be okay. But how should he phrase it? He couldn't think of any way to word it that didn't sound insensitive.

"Hugh is strong," was what he finally managed out. "If anyone can recover from this, it has to be him."

"Yeah."

"Besides, look at the past." Misono didn't know if he was about to say something very stupid, but he carried on anyway, driven by the debilitating need to say something. "Lily and Kuro both could have died, and they made it out just fine. Hugh will manage just the same."

Tetsu nodded, but he still looked unconvinced. "Mhm."

Another silence. Misono had run out of comforting things to say.

He felt so useless, sitting here in silence. Tetsu clearly needed someone to cheer him up, but that someone couldn't be Misono. Misono knew nothing about friendships. He had never learned how to support people, how to comfort them, how to be nice. And now here he was, watching Tetsu bend over his unconscious friend, his face drawn with worry, and he didn't know what to do. All he knew for sure was that he couldn't bear to see the look on his face. Not for one second longer.

"Tetsu."

He thought he had an idea of what he wanted to say. But when Tetsu stirred, glancing at him with those quiet, trusting eyes, the words that left his mouth were different from all he had prepared.

"I understand."

He didn't know where the words came from, but now that this first sentence was out, words began to flow faster and faster from the depths of his heart. "I have been in your situation," he said quietly, reaching for his hand, instinctively wrapping his fingers around it. "I know the feeling of waiting, of guilt and uncertainty. I... know how it is to stand next to the hospital bed of a dear friend, waiting for them to wake up." The image of Lily stirred in his mind, and he swallowed. "I know your worry," he said. "You aren't alone."

Tetsu's eyes rested on him, wide and filled with emotion, and for a moment Misono wondered if he had made a mistake.

Then Tetsu reached forward and pulled him into a tight hug.

"I know," he said, nuzzling his shoulder, and Misono could feel his back trembling under his hands as he returned the hug. "But I just... thanks for reminding me. For some reason it just made me feel a lot better." He squeezed Misono's back. "You really are amazing."

"Don't exaggerate," Misono muttered off to the side. "I only did what anyone would have done in this situation."

Tetsu shook his head. "You did the smart thing," he said. "The adult thing. You, Hugh... you're real adults already. I'm not like you guys. If I didn't have you... I dunno what I'd do."

"Idiot."

Tetsu jolted up. "What?"

"Sendagaya Tetsu, you blind-eyed fool," Misono said, glaring up at his face. "You are nowhere as stupid or immature as you think you are! Stop dismissing your own capabilities simply because you are different from Hugh or me!"

He didn't know where that had come from either. For some reason Tetsu's words had simply bugged him. Tetsu wasn't stupid. He was honest and straightforward and pragmatic, and that alone made him more of an adult in Misono's eyes than many other people he knew.

Besides, Misono thought, at least Tetsu was so simple and honest that he never stopped to ask himself what to say.

Tetsu didn't reply at once. Then a smile crossed his face, and he snuggled into Misono's shoulder once more. "You're too nice," he said warmly. "I don't really believe you, but... it feels really good."

Misono gave a small smile. "Should I tell you more kind things then?"

"It's okay. I feel better already." Tetsu tightened his hug. "Thanks, Misono. I love you so much."

Misono's mouth moved before his brain could. "I love you too, stupid."

"About time you admitted it," said a voice from the bed.

They both jolted apart as if electrocuted. Startled, they turned around, staring in shock at the origin of the voice.

Sure enough, there lay Hugh. Still pale and injured and barely able to move. But very much awake.