Kasauti Pyaar Ki (On Hold)

12~Blocked

(From now I will give two updates a day 😃)
Prerna's POV:
I had switched off my Whatsapp as his messages were giving me pain, I want him to forget me but deep down my heart, I knew he wanted me to come back. Alone between the four walls, all I could think was this emptiness that he had given me. What type of connection he has made with my heart that I can understand him so well. Since childhood, my only friend was him only, my Parth, but I shifted with my family and we lost contact.

My family had moved here to Mumbai and we had no contact since then, after that, when so many years had passed and I had built a wall around my heart and had distanced myself from people, I only got three real friends, Saanchi, Pragya and Eisha who of course aren't like Parth/Anurag but still I call them my best buddies. They are also doctors, we are together since grade 6, after that, I got Parth back but he became Anurag and I became Dimple from Prerna, he is more than a friend to me, and I knew today he is about to propose me today.

But I just feel bad for doing this, I m responsible for this accident, I feel so guilty, I know he wanted to propose me because after the operation after I had informed Cabir and when I was leaving from Anurag's room, I realized I have his phone, I was going back to keep it when his phone beeped and there was a message on WhatsApp from Cabir and I read it from notification toolbar. It said:

"Bhaiya, we are on the way, in case you wake up before that, I just wanted to say you were going to propose Dimple today, did you propose? What did she say? Did she agree? Reply soon."

I just didn't want him to propose me, not when I m the reason for his accident. I would've been getting messages from him the whole night as I was worried for him and couldn't sleep, I can sense it that he also was awake, I was up till 3:00 am. I kept ignoring but I knew that the next morning it will happen again. Whole night, dark tears were falling from my eyes, forgot to remove the makeup. When morning arrived, there was no one at home besides me, best time for me to go and watch Anurag's show.

I switched on the TV but he wasn't there. So stupid of me, he needs bed rest, why will he be performing? I went back to my room and laid back in the bed and as I switched on the wifi of my phone, my phone beeped without stopping.

A~ "Mujhe ignore karnay ka koi faida nahi, ignore Kiya bhi to tumhare dil Dimag mein to main hounga hi na? Apnay Dil Dimag ko tum kaise ignore karogi?"
(A~ "ignoring me won't work, even if u ignore so I will be there in your heart and mind, right? How will u ignore them?")

A~"it's not fair yaar, you're not talking to me just because I look like Anurag 😑"

A~ "Twinkle twinkle Little star, please don't go very far, you're a Firefly I will close you in a jar, and imprison the jar in my car 😚"

A~ "kaatay chahay jitnay paro'n se hawaon ko khud se na bach payega tu, o naadan parinday Ghar aaja 😞"

A~ "Meri ye baat aankhein khol ke parh lo ke jis din humne pehli baar baat ki thi na, us din meri aggression, mera gussa, meri irritation or mera self obsessed behavior sacha tha, lekin aaj haina meri dosti, mere Dil ka tumharay Dil se rishta, humara rishta or humara saath guzara hua waqt sacha hai 😏"

(A~ "Read this carefully that when the first time we talked, at that time my aggression, my anger, my irritation and my self obsessed behavior was true but today my friendship, your and my heart connection, our connection and the times we spent together is true 😏")

A~ "itehaas gawah hai ke jab jab hum kisi ke dil mein aya hai, sirf hum hi hum chhaya hai 😊"

A~ "agar tumne mujhe apna wakt Diya hai na to Maine bhi diya hai, vo guzra hua wakt hum dono ko kabhi wapis nahi milega lekin yaadein? Vo to Hain na Dil mein ab tak? Ya phir vo bhi nahi hain 😥"
(A~ if u have given me your time then I have also given u my time, the time that's also spent, we can't get it back but memories? They're still there in the heart, aren't they? Or are they also not there 😥")

A~ "mujhe achhi tarha pata hai tum jaagi Hui ho, notification toolbar se messages parh rahi ho or jan bhooj kar reply nahi kar rahi ho, lekin koi baat nahi, aakhir kab tak rahegi ye ignorance main bhi dekh loonga, kuchh nh bol rahi ho, ek waqt tha jab bari pakau thi tum 😖"
(A~ " I know very well that you're awake, you're reading messages from the notification toolbar and you're not replying intentionally, but no problem, I will also see that till when you will keep ignoring, you're not saying anything, there used to be a time when you almost used to fry my brain 😖")

A~"jab Dil Kiya Dil jorr liya, jab Dil Kiya Dil torr Diya, kahan gayi vo gyaani Dimple? Bye, na karo baat 😞"
(A~ "when u wanted, u tied your heart with mine and when u wanted, u broke my heart, where did that lecturer Dimple go? Bye, don't talk 😞")

End of messages he sent through out the night.

Heart got torn apart, tears dried, I became lifeless, but hands weren't ready to write back to him. Crying uncontrollably was all I could do. I was sinking into depression, sinking into my own thoughts.

All morning, I couldn't eat anything, stomach didn't cooperate. Mouth was dry, mind had stopped working, my world had crushed in front of my eyes. I love him. Morning passed, now it was evening, I again started getting his messages.

A~ *voice message.. he was singing*

Chalo jaane do..
Ab chodo bhi
Chalo jaane do..
Ab chodo bhi

Itna bhi kya gussa karna
kuch apni kaho..
kuch meri suno..
Yun chup chup rehkar
Dil hi dil me kya kudhana..

Chalo jaane do..
Ab chodo bhi
Chalo jaane do..
Ab chodo bhi

Itna bhi kya gussa karna
kuch apni kaho..
kuch meri suno..
Yun chup chup rehkar
Dil hi dil me kya kudhana..

Chalo jaane do
Ab.. chodo bhi

I just wanted to write that I love you, I can't be away from you, but I couldn't, my hands were shaking, I was not feeling well. Another voice message too came.

A~ *he was singing*

Tum hi mujhse rooth gaye to
Kisse baat karu me..
Jee utta hun tumse milke
Tum jo ho to hu me

Mujhase iss pal ho muh phere
Phir bhi ho tum mere
Dekho nahi accha hota hai itna chidhna

Chalo jaane do..
Ab chodo bhi
Chalo jaane do..
Ab chodo bhi

I too wanted to give him a message, actually sing back to him which will give him a message and the message was:

I am so lonely broken angel
I am so lonely listen to my heart
The one and only broken angel
Come and save me before I fall apart

Of course I didn't send him this.. I didn't replied, he won't stop messaging me, my love will increase and one day I will become a psychopath who will be on antidepressants so I had no other option, I was crying loudly as my hands went on the three dots on the right top corner on WhatsApp in his chat, as the options were revealed, I blocked him. I felt so dead inside, forgive me for this Anurag, my Parth, but you'll have to forget me now, you should hate me so that you can forget me easily. I fell limp on the bed and slept in an uncomfortable position. Morning has become dark just like night, I hate myself and my life.