I had been dreading Monday for the entire weekend. Well, more than I usually do.
I begged my parents to let me stay home, but they weren't having it. I yanked my bag onto my shoulder, and got into my car. I didn't feel like walking today.
The sky was light when I got to school, and everyone could see my sleeplessness in all of its glory. I felt strangely self conscious when I walked into the cafeteria, and my feeling of dread came to a climax when I saw Nancy and Steve.
Nancy and Steve, cuddled up on the cafeteria bench like they were gonna freeze to death. Tommy and Carol sat across from them, smiling. It was like I'd entered another timeline, one where I didn't exist, where balance didn't exist.
I plopped down next to Nancy, and the conversation halted. Steve kicked Tommy's leg under the table, and Tommy smiled painfully. "Hi, Lola," he greeted me through gritted teeth.
I raised a hand in greeting and turned to Nancy. "How was the rest of the party?" "Good," she answered. I looked around awkwardly, avoiding the question that was almost jumping out of my mouth.
"Are you guys like a thing now?" I asked, sharper than I meant. "Uh, yeah," Steve said slowly. "Oh," I said, and I turned to look out the windows. "Lola, I'm sorry—" "You're sorry?" I cut Nancy off, my irritation rising to the surface of my skin.
"I wanted to call you, I did, but—" "But what? You were too busy hooking up with Steve Harrington?" She swallowed, hard, and looked at me nervously. "You hooked up with Steve Harrington? Are you kidding me?"
"You've known him for four days. You've known me for ten years!" "I'm sorry, Lola, it's just—" "No! Of all people, you get with him? He called me an easy target, Nancy! He's friends with them!" I gestured to Tommy and Carol. "They torment me every day!"
At this point, everyone in the room was staring at us. "I wanted this." "Have fun with the rich kids, Nancy. Sorry I wasn't enough for you." I got up from the table, and they called after me.
"Lola, please," Steve said. I raised my middle finger and put it behind me, not bothering to look back. I heard running steps behind me, and I picked up my pace to avoid who I knew it was.
"Lola," Steve panted as I rounded a corner. I stopped. "We've got to stop talking like this," he joked, but his smile fell when he realized I wasn't laughing. "Look, I'm really sorry. For real. If I'd have known it would hurt you this much, I wouldn't have done it." "Don't lie."
Steve sighed. "I want to try and be friends. I've been wanting that. I'm sorry." "I have your clothes at my house." I turned and kept walking, and luckily, this time, he knew not to follow me.
__
I ate lunch outside, alone, with only a half-empty pack of cigarettes to accompany me. I lit one, sitting next to the trash can, leaning up against the brick wall. "Those things kill, you know," someone said. I looked up where a kid with dirty blond hair and a denim jacket was looking at me curiously.
"Yeah, I know," I retorted sharply. I tried to place him with a name, and one finally clicked into place. "Johnathan," I said out loud. "Johnathan Byers." He cocked his head. "Uh, yeah." "People call you stuff."
I wasn't sure why I was talking to him. I wasn't necessarily the socializing type. "Believe me, I know," he laughed bitterly. I offered him a cigarette. "Thanks," he sighed.
I noticed he looked more tired than he usually did. "Are you okay?" He raised his eyebrow. "You haven't heard?" he asked, confused. "I thought it would've gotten around by now." "I really don't know what you're talking about."
"My brother went missing last night."
I froze. "Will?" Johnathan nodded sadly. "Johnathan," I began. "I'm so sorry—" "Don't." He held up his hand. "I just—I know what it's like to lose a brother," I said slowly. He nodded slightly, and stood up. "Thanks." "For sure. If you need anything, you know where to find me."
It's not like Johnathan and I were best friends or anything, but him, Nancy, and I pretty much grew up around each other because of Will, Mike, and my brother's friendship.
I sat there, my back against the cold brick wall, and waited until my cigarette dwindled down to nothing. No teachers looked at me; they pretty much let us do whatever we want.
I was focusing on the toe of my shoe when someone nudged it, causing me to look up. "Do you wanna come sit with us?" Steve asked, his hands deep in his pockets.
"Not really, no," I said coolly, and he crouched down to be level with me. "Lola, I'm sorry. Me and Nancy didn't mean to hurt you. I wouldn't have done it if I knew it'd make you this upset."
"Yes, you would've." "No." "Don't lie."
"Look, I'm just not in the mood to be around Tweedledee and Tweedledum while you and Nancy sit in each other's laps." Someone went by, calling Steve's name. "Steve, Steve, Steve. Thought you were better than this." They shot me a dirty look. I flipped them off.
"Fine. Wallow here in your self-pity then. Or go join the other burnouts, for all I care," he snapped, gesturing to the table hazed with smoke and slow rock music.
"Get away from me," I hissed, my teeth gritted. He stomped away, a few people looking at me in disappointment.
I grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder. Some people whistled mockingly as I walked past them, into the parking lot. I slammed into my car, not caring about the consequences. I wanted to go home. I didn't want to be here, surrounded by people who hated me, my only friend entranced by a bipolar rich boy with zero manners.
