Back at Square One (BEN Drowned)

19

"Do you honestly think I haven't been trying to open up more? Are you suggesting that I haven't trusted you more than any other human being I've met over the last seven years?"

"Ben, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have said that. I just need to know why you're so afraid."

That didn't seem to reach him. He just grew angrier, his eyes grew redder and the whites grew blacker. I stood up as well, to which he backed against the TV and held his head.

"You really don't know what's been happening lately, do you. Do you really know me, or just think you do? Because if you did, you'd understand. You'd see that I've been suffering, Avery. This is all the same."

I thought about approaching him, but stopped myself. "...but at least not as much as before. Right? Aren't you at least a little better here than you were in the past? You were happy just a couple days ago!"

"And so you think this is what I wanted?!" He screamed. "To be trapped for years inside a fucking video game with nothing but a backwards song to keep me sane? To just be...tossed around from selfish asshole to selfish asshole, being subjected to some new kind of pain every year? Do you think I've been having fun here all this time?!"

"I-I thought you were okay! I thought you could stand to wait just a little bit longer, I thought that maybe, even if we never found a way to get you out, you would at least be happy here with me!"

"Well...you thought wrong."

I looked down at the floor in shame, fiddling with the hems of my sleeves. This wasn't supposed to happen. I thought it would help. Why is everything...

Something sunk in the pit of my stomach as I scrapped that question and came up with a new one.

"Ben...did you find a way to get out without me?"

His expression softened, and for a moment he looked almost sympathetic. "I was going to tell you. I thought I should just make sure it was going to work before even letting you know, but—"

"What."

"...what?"

"What is it. How are you going to leave?"

"Avery...that's not what I'm doing. I mean, kind of. Don't you get it?"

My head snapped up. "Wait, then what's going on? What are you doing?"

He sighed and stepped back towards the TV, and the static in my head grew louder. "I know I should say I'm sorry, but I'm really not at this point. If I'd only done it earlier, we could have ended all this on a good note."

"Ben, what are you going to do that's not leaving? How can you end things if..."

"Avery. I'm leaving you. I'm going to find someone else to help me, someone who doesn't know me. Someone who'll really help. Someone who'll really understand."

Something snapped at that, and my hands started shaking.

...so what do you think of that.

I took one step closer to him, then another.

Tell him.

"You can't leave."

The words slipped out before I could stop them. But he'll be unhappy if he doesn't.

No.

"I'm the only one who understands you."

I almost stumbled towards him until we were face-to-face, and then I shakily reached for his hand.