My First Heart Break

Heart Break

        Heartbreak is something I've felt only a few times in my life. The first time my heart was broken by a boy(which was also my guy best friend) was in 9th grade. Boy oh boy, did I not think that my (ex) girl best friend, who in fact knew how I felt about him. Would go out with him behind my back for a full week before telling me. You would not even believe that the day she told me was freaking valentines day. I had gotten her and my guy best friend valentines day gifts and everything. I remember the day so vividly. 

The 4:00 bell just had rang for dismissal and I speed walk out of my class to go and meet up with my girl best friend. As I draw in closer I can tell that she's nervous for some reason and I brush it off as I go to hug her. I ask her basic question since I still had 10 minutes until the busses take off. She answers but still seems off. So I ask her "what's wrong you seem weird.", the look on her face made me think something happened. So I urge her on to tell me what's wrong. She breaths in and proceeded to speak, "me and _____ are going out". I can still feel the air in my lungs disappear in that moment, I just stare at her and then I get back to my senses and say with a fake face, "OMG that's great you guys would be so cute. It's 4:06 I got to get going but I'll text you later.",as I'm saying this I'm walking down the corridor to the bus lane. 

What sucks the most about this is that he rides my bus and I'm one of the last people to get on the bus. The bus driver doesn't care were you sit and the only seat available is one in front of him. There was a friend of my sitting to the left of me across the aisle. Keep in mind I'm still shocked at what my best friend just told me. I sit and put my headphones in and turn the volume up so I can't hear people around me. 

My friend sitting to the left of me dropped a chocolate wrapper on my lap, I lift my head and turn to her with teary eyes. She looks at me shocked and thinks that what made me sad was her dropping the trash on me and I say no it's not that. She ask what's wrong so I tell her to pass me her phone and I'll type what happened because he is still behind me. At this point my hands are shaking, my breathing becomes irregular, and we're just entering my neighborhood. She reads what I typed looks up at me and then behind me. She also knows my feelings toward him. 

I just look ahead of me as if nothing's wrong and that my heart isn't being crushed minute by minute as we are heading to our bus stop. The tears are flowing freely now and I just want to get off this bus as it's suffocating me. Finally the bus leads to a stop and I'm the first out of my seat towards the bus doors. I get off the bus and just speed walk as fast as I can to my home when I'm far enough from eyesight of the bus stop I just crumble to the grownd and start bawling my eyes out. I sit there for a few seconds until I hear voices coming towards me and I get up and take off running to my house as I'm running all the chocolate, candy, and food I had today starts to come up. I'm at the stairs of my house when I throw up. I keep going, I open the house door and run towards the restroom to throw up the contents that I didn't earlier. This grabs the attention of my mom. I'm in the restroom on my knees crying my heart out as I'm leaning by the tub. My mom just waits patiently as I'm trying to collect the pieces of my heart that I still have together. I look up at my mom and say, "Why does it hurt here,(my finger points to my heart) it hurts so much ma."

My mother looks at me with hurt eyes. I can only imagine how horrible I looked. I lean my back on the side of the bathtub as I try to regain my breathing. at this moment I feel so broken, so empty, and betrayed. 

That was how I had my first heart break and why I no longer trust my feelings.