Random Thoughts!

UGH!

I was just trying to work on one of my other stories and my brother comes over to me asking something,  I don't think I was listening to him at all. I asked him to shut up and go away but he didn't he kept pestering me until I cracked and screamed at him to go away. My head was pounding the whole time he was talking and it was getting worse the more he talked and when it got a little too uncomfortable to handle I screamed at him saying " I have tried to go to sleep for hours and I can't! Your pestering is making me have another headache from you! I want to be left alone and you not to speak to me! I hate that your annoying me on purpose and I can't hear what your saying without my head pounding, so SHUT UP! *deep breath* "
Zachary walks away whispering something I couldn't hear but I knew he was talking.

I need to talk to only one person right now to get me to calm down, but I don't think they want to talk to me. I know that I'm not going to get any sleep until I say what I need to say to someone and it might not help me at all. I think this the more I think about it and the death grip on my throat gets tighter at each thought, but I can't help it. It's not like I like the feeling but still it makes me feel like I did or said something wrong, again. I always freaking do something wrong. I don't know why but it feels like I feel guilty a bout something and regreting saying anything at all. So right now yes I feel like *hit! I can't do anything without think of one person or maybe 2 at this point. I just want to fix whatever is wrong with me, but honestly I don't know what is and isn't wrong with me anymore nowadays. I do things that I normally would, I am getting higher grades in school, I can't focus on one thing without focusing on a person I care about, and I can't stop thinking all of this is what is making me go insane but maybe at the same time it's not. Maybe it's the universe saying that I found who I am and want to be, so I am trying to stick with it. I don't know how much longer I can take the feeling of I don't know how to explain exactly how I feel, but I know one person who can describe it by just looking at my face and I know another person can tell how I feeling because of the words I say. Knowing that I have to really important people in my life right now that care about me deeply as I care for them is the only reason I have not gone blind to what I know and gone insane already.