Three Dumb Guys

//chapter:one// jonas

       There we were; lying on our backs, staring at the ceiling. Piles of pizza boxes and empty cans of Coke Zero sat around us, the weird scent of unwashed dishes still seeming to hang around, even after I sparyed the apartment for about five minutes with Febreeze. That stuff is shit, man.

       But what else would you expect from us? Three guys living in an apartment together was bound to end up gross and/or messy. And considering it's summer and we'd be spending a lot more time in here, it was obviously going to be the exact opposite of clean. 

       "Bros," Mark muttered the ever so cliche word used by college boys and douche bags all over the world. "I'm so fucking bored."

       I sighed. "Same." I grumbled.

       We did barely anything so far this summer. Besides probably accomplishing the record for the most pizza boxes in one apartment, we haven't really done much. Oliver has already finished his summer reading (what a fucking nerd), Mark has already hooked up with a few girls and I finished both seasons of Orange is the New Black, so what was there to do?

       Oliver shifted so his arm was under his head, like a pillow. "How long have we been lying here?" He asked in monotone.

       Mark shrugged. "I don't know, but my back is soon going to fucking break." He hauled himself into a sitting position and sighed, slumping over. "This summer is shit."

       "Dude, it's only July 2nd. There's still a lot of time left," I told him.

       He rolled his eyes. "Well, this summer is going to be shit." 

       "You're shit." I said as I hauled myself up with a groan, stumbling my way across the room and into the kitchen, where dirty dishes seemed to be growing extra parts. "We have to clean this place. I swear I just saw a fork and a spoon have sex. I expect to see a small spork soon," I called.

       "Yeah, we can do that later." Matt called back; I could practically hear the laziness in his voice. "But for now, get me a beer." 

       "Me too." Oliver called.

       I waved my hand. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever my ladies want, they get." I joked as I walked back. I handed both of them their lovely adult drinks and took my seat once again between the two. 

       Oliver took a long sip of his beer. "So what do you guys want to do for now?" He asked.

       Mark shrugged. "Wanna get shitfaced and watch weird anime shows on Netflix?" He suggested.

       I turned on the TV. "So, a typical Friday night?" I said.

       Mark rolled his eyes. "Shut the fuck up Jonas and log into Netflix, you useless dick."

***

       I threw another beer can to my left, where a whole new mountain of garbage began to build up. We had been doing a drunk marathon of Pokemon for the past new hours and I was starting believe what Mark said about this summer going to be nothing but shit.

       And then it happened; Oliver said the words nobody in this apartment ever wanted to hear.

       "We're out of beer." He slurred. 

       Mark punched the piles of beer cans. "I hate you all!" He screamed and jumped onto his feet, stepping on a plastic fork and cursing under his breath.  He threw his body onto the empty chip bags. "Why is the world out to get me?"