Three Dumb Guys

//chapter:two// mark

       I can't believe I'm doing this.

       It could have to do with that fact that I had too much alcohol, but it could also be because I'm a fucking idiot.

       I started off slow and removed my sweater. I wasn't exactly excited to do this but I was going to do it anyways. Perfect example of guy logic right there. 

       Arn't I getting too old for this shit?

       "Come on then." Jonas urged, trying to hold back his laughter.

I scowled as I removed my shirt. "Eat a bag of dicks." I spat at him. 

       "Being hostile won't help you," He reminded me. "Besides, you could always just not do the dare. That is an option."

       I glared at Jonas. "I'm not a pussy," I hissed, unzipping my jeans and stepping out of them. 

       Oliver looked more nervous than I felt. "Can't you get arrested for being naked in public?" He asked. "Public nudity is illegal, yeah? What are you going to do if you get caught?"

       "Shut the fuck up," I growled the same time Jonas cried, "We're not going to get caught!"

       Even though my brain was screaming at me no, I quickly removed my underwear. The chilly early summer air quickly pinched at my exposed member; it was not a feeling I exactly liked. But I have to admit that I did feel oddly... free. I could practically feel my balls flying up towards my body.

       I instantly cupped my open-for-buisness cucumber and tried to surpress my blush (REAL MEN DON'T BLUSH) because even though my hose is mainly covered, my whole ass was in full view of the two dumb asses behind me.

       I closed my eyes and sighed to myself. "I'm keeping my socks on!" I stuttered, trying my hardest not to sound embarrassed. I refuse to give Jonas that pleasure. 

       I heared Jonas cackling and Oliver sigh, but I couldn't bring myself to turn around to face them.

       "Okay," Jonas chuckled after a few moments, which felt like fucking hours. "Start running."

       I flipped him off and began to jog down the street, sticking close to the side walk. My junk was bouncing more than usual and I did not like it. I was just so fucking happy nobody was outside right now. 

       And I guess it could be worse, yeah? At least there isn't any snow or it's not raining. If the weather was slightly different, I could be in seriously trouble right now. My mini me could be frozen right now. Only to be released again many years later from the ice like Captain America. 

       Hey, I guess this isn't so bad. It's just like I'm going for a run, just with the simple added fact that I am naked. It's not that big of a deal- oh shit.

       I stopped mid step and stared. And she stared right back, eyes wide and her mouth falling slightly open. 

       I could hear the two idiots screaming with laughter behind me, Jonas' loud and Oliver's more nervous, like he was about to start crying. And although I've been doing it for years, I couldn't keep back my blush and it came out bright and red.

       She walked down the lawn and into the street, stopping seven feet away from me. Now that she was closer, I could see her; she had blonde hair that stopped at her shoulders, and she was kind of short. She was slightly cubby and she wore a nice little dress, sporting a red solo cup in her hand and a purse hanging off her shoulder. I just prayed she was drunk and would forget about this in the morning. She was too cute to remember me like this; I'd come back when I was hot and ready.

       She took a sip of her drink. "Well," She spoke up. "What do we have here?"

        I am going to murder Jonas.

       I stumbled as I walked a bit closer. "I can explain-" I started. 

       But she shook her head. "Don't," She replied. "I like to think of all the possibilities for this." She put her hand on her hip and frowned like she was thinking. "You're a nudist doing your annual run at night because you don't feel safe during the day and I just so happened to have caught you. Was I close?"

        I let out a nervous laugh. "Not exactly... But I promise, I'm not crazy."

        "Explain then," She said, folding her arms.

        I sighed, gripping onto my grapes and vine a bit tighter. "It's a long story..." I said. This situation is way too awkward for my liking. This was definitely not what I imagined my college life to be like.

        The blonde girl sat herself down in front of me, her purse flopping onto the ground, looking up and shrugging. "I've got time." She said, placing her cup on the ground beside her and placing her hands in her lap.

        I quickly adjusted my hands so she couldn't see any of my fruit, saving that for later. "It's just a dare game me and my friends used to do in high school that we decided to play and right now my stupid fucking friends are down the street right now laughing their asses off while I'm freezing off mine." I spit out.

        She shook her head. "Those uncircumsized assholes!" She cried.

        I nodded. "I know. And here I am walking around with my ballsack in full view for pretty girls like you to laugh over and it sucks!"

        The girl stood up and smacked my bare chest playfully. "Awh, you think I'm pretty?" She gushed. 

        And I blushed again. Me. No girl has ever made me blush this much- or ever, for that matter. And I was so done with this conversation. I was naked, for Christ sake! It was time for me to go. This dare is over.

       "Yeah, I think I'm going to go now..." I said slowly, nodding towards my 'friends'.

       The girl visably jumped. "Wait!" She cried and began to search through her purse while I stood waiting. She hauled out a red marker and bent down, beginning to write something on my lower stomach.

       I squirmed beneath the marker. "What are you doing?" I asked.

       She shrugged. "Writing my number." She said simply. "My name's Elliot, by the way." She informed me as she straightened up again, stuffing the marker back into her purse.

       "Mark," I replied.

       Elliot nodded. "I'd shake your hand but..." She raised her eyebrow as she made a quick glance at my downtown area. 

       She picked up her drink and took a sip, turning away. "Bye-bye, jogging nudist." 

       I began to quickly run back towards my idiot friends, sending them glares the whole way down that I was hoping were showing the level of hatred I was feeling for them right now. I did get a chick's number though... score.

       "Nice ass!" I heard Elliot yell back to me. 

       And that's when the boys lost it.

       I quickly walked towards them, picking up my underwear and my pants. I punched Jonas as hard as I could after I was finished, a squeal slipping from his lips rather than this god awful laugh.

       Jonas nodded. "That's one hundred points for you." 

       Oliver shook his head. "That was so funny!" He laughed, doubling over in laughter. 

       I scowled. "Shut up, you raging dildo." I spat. "Now it's your dare." I informed him.

       Oliver quickly sobered up, his laughter subsiding. "Okay." He said. You could hear the nervousness, even though he was obviously trying to hide it.

       "I dare you to..." I grinned. "Walk through the McDonalds drive thru dressed like a princess."