Roses

What are those girls screaming for

Honestly, the weight of the two suitcases I dragged across the floor was nothing compared to the weight of leaving my friends and family behind. Constantly I had to remind myself that this was something that I wanted and had dreamt of for the last five years. To avoid making this harder than it already was I had said my goodbyes the night before and took myself to the airport. 

While I checked in my bags I thought about how my mom had looked so sad even though the word that had come out of her mouth sounded so happy. She and I had always had a special bond and she knew this was what I wanted to do, deep in my soul, so she supported it no matter what. She even convinced my dad it was a great idea even though he was very negative about it at first. He always considered the risks more than what was actually more likely to happen.

I fixed my hair tie around my hair which was slipping out and made my way to gate number F56 where the plane was taking off from in about 50 minutes. I placed my airpods in my ears and scrolled through Spotify. Trying to bring up my mood I pressed "shuffle" on a Spotify-playlist called 'Have a great day!'.

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With a bump, the plane hit the runway and I was officially in Toronto, Canada, my home for the next two years. People started getting off and I followed the stream to the baggage-claim, still with music playing in my ears. 

As soon as I took my first breath of Canadian air I shut my eyes and memories of my grandmother came flashing through my head. Every summer I used to come here with my brother and visit her for a month. That was until three years ago when she passed away to cancer. She and I had then discussed for a few years, how I could move in with her after I graduated high school and we would spend every afternoon painting on her balcony and buy my favorite bread for breakfast. Although, now that I graduated she was not here to fulfill this dream with me. All that was left of her was her apartment, which she had left me with the hopes of me living there, even if it meant living there without her.

I grabbed a cab and about thirty-five minutes later I stood, with all my bags and looked up towards the top of the high building I faced. Twenty floors up later I stuck the key into the keyhole and turned it. I heard the click but something inside me was afraid to press down the door handle. What I would meet inside would look exactly the same as it did the last time I was here but it would not be the same, not at all. No one had the strength to get rid of the furniture when she died so it had stayed exactly the same for the past years.

Slowly I pushed the door handle down and instantly the distinct scent of grandma filled my nostrils and suddenly my eyes began to tear up. I did not expect it to be this hard but I guess three years was not enough for me to not get emotional by a single realization of her passing. I dragged my bags inside and closed the door behind me, overviewing the room. I told myself that I would make new, amazing, memories here that would make up for the sadness I felt right now. Hopefully, that would become true.

It was already 3.15pm and I had to get groceries before the store closed at 6 pm so I put my bags inside the bedroom, grabbed a towel from the closet and went into the bathroom. A showered always helped me to clear my thoughts and get like a mini clean start, also I felt disgusting after spending hours on the plane.

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After spending so much time here during my childhood I knew the quickest way to the store was to cut across Queen's park,  past Starbucks and then a minute or two down the street. I brought the hood up on my hoodie and put my black sunglasses on as I started walking through the park. I had not made an effort to put on makeup before going out and my lack of sleep from the night before started to show under my eyes. It was a beautiful day in the city and I could feel the happiness arise all through my body as I looked around on the people around me. Some had a picknick with there family or loved ones, some worked out and some played football on the grass. Birds were skipping around picking for food in the ground.

 As I got closer to Starbucks I figured I would get a coffee while shopping for groceries but for some reason, the entire Starbucks entrance was surrounded by people. I moved closer and realized it was mostly teenage girls who made an unnaturally annoying noise, something mixed between screaming, talking and crying. As I started to give up on getting that coffee, since trying to get through a herd of those teenage girls did not seem like an amusing idea, suddenly their screams got even higher and they seemed to push into the middle. Somewhere in the middle, I could distinguish a person moving towards the car parked right in front of the cafe. As soon as the car door closed and the car drove off the crowd dissociated and I could get through to the entrance. I was kind of baffled by what just had happened but decided I just was happy whoever they were there for left so I could get my coffee without punching my way through like Rocky.

Tomorrow I would go around searching for work since I would not have the money to live here without it. I would probably go anywhere and everywhere since the only thing that mattered was the money, at least right now.