Long Term Suicide

Chapter Two

Sam's POV

        There is this house on my street, it's this huge and beautiful home. I've always envied the people who lived there because to me it seemed like they had the perfect life. They lived in an incredible house with a perfect, gated garden that was full of flowers. 

        Whenever they where outside, they would be laughing and smiling, playing outside games with eachother. There where two kids, a girl and a boy who were my age and went to my school. I never talked to them but I knew who they where.

        They were the Smiths, rich and popular. Their parents were the stereotypical parents on TV who were okay with everything and were always very friendly. 

        That's why they were okay with their two kids throwing a party everytime they went out of town. 

        When I say party, I mean one of those parties that EVERYONE important goes to and has all of the  alcohol and shit. Apparently they threw the best, most exciting parties in town. I wouldn't know because I was never invited to one. 

        I would watch them though. I lived right across the street so it was hard to miss the blasting music or the bright lights. 

        I know that sounds sad for someone to just watch a party happen but it was actually pretty entertaining. It was surprising how many people would make fools of themselves. 

        Sometimes I would get hit with the loneliness or the fact that if I had friends I could go to a party like that. Those were the times that sucked and I hated watching the party from outside my house. 

        I was sitting outside one night, watching one of the Smith twin's amazing parties, having a nice smoke when I got company. 

        I was sitting on the hood of my beat up old car when I noticed a figure walkig towards me on the sidewalk. I could tell it was a male, most likely a teenager because of the way he walked, with his shoulders hunched like he wasn't so sure about the world. He had his hood up, hands in his pocket while looking down. It was dark, except for the street lamp at the end of the block and the lights from the party but I couldn't really see him. 

        I watched him as he got closer, he walked slowly. As he got nearer I wondered what he was doing out here at night. It was almost mid night in the middle of October, it was a little chilly out to be walking around, none the less in the dark.    

        I breathed out a cloud of smoke right before he reached me. "Mind if I join you?" the stranger asked, his voice deep but plain, without any kind of emotion in them. "Not at all." I replied. It had been a long times since I had a smoke with anyone. He propped himself next to me, shifting his body to pull out his own pack of cigrettes. 

        "Do you have a lighter?" I nodded my head while I handed him mine. The fire lit up his face for a couple of seconds as he started his cigrette. From what I could tell he had pale skin with some freckles spaced out on his face with pink lips and some color of eyes that I couldn't tell. The stranger defiently was attractive. 

        "Thanks." He handed me back my lighter and let out a sigh as he breathed out the smoke. I knew he was closing his eyes. That was the best part of smoking, the part when you take your first breathe and then let the cloud of smoke leaver your body. It was almost as if the bad things were leaving with it. 

        It was so refreshing. 

        "So what are you doing out here?" he asked me. "I'm actually just watching the party across the street." I sighed, I sounded lame. He chuckled a little bit. "Wouldn't you rather go to the party then sit here and watch it?"

        "No, I mean, I'm not a big fan of parties. Too many people and energy flying around the room." 

        I watched as he nodded his head in agreement. There was something about him, something I couldn't place. "And it can be entertaining to watch some drunk idiots make a fool of themselves."

        "I bet!" He laughed and put his cigrette in his mouth. "What are you doing out here?" I asked, curious of the strange boy next to me. "I just needed a little fresh air, you know?"

        "I understand perfectly." 

        "Yeah." We stayed silent after that, just sitting next to eacher, the sleeve of his sweatshirt barely touching mine. I wondered about him, who he was, where he was from, what his life is like, what his past was like.

        But then he spoke, breaking the never ending silence between us. "Have you ever just messed up so bad but there is nothing to do about it? And because of it your whole life is ruined and changed for the worse? You just end up losing everything and becoming something so lost that you know you can never get anything of that back?" 

        I nodded my head before I spoke, I could tell this was more than just messing up with a girlfriend. This was deeper, a whole lot more personal. "It's like your in a hole, a hole of guilt, shame, brokeness and sadness. They are all around you. You think you are digging your way out and that you are almost out, to the surface filled with joy and peace but you aren't. Instead you are digging the other way, further into the darkness of the guilt. There is no excape. What done is done." 

        "Yeah, that's exactly it." 

        "It sucks." He laughed at my remark, "To put it simply it does." I smiled. I was never afraid of him when he was sitting by me. I don't know how to explain it but everything about him just calmed me. I knew he would never hurt me. 

        And he was only a stranger. 

        "What's your name?" 

        "Sam." I put my cigrette in my mouth before I shook his hand, his hand was hard but gentle with the shake. "I'm Nathan. It's nice to meet you!"

        "It's nice to meet you too, exspecially in the middle of the night."

        "That is very true! How are you doing?" I hadn't been asked that in a long time, funny how a stranger would ask me that but my own mom wouldn't. "I'm doing okay I guess, I've been better and I've been worse. What about you?"

        "The exact same here. I hope life gets better for you." That's when I let out a laugh, Nathan was surprised by this. I could tell by the way he jumped a little when I did. "Are you okay?"

        "Yes I am," I began once I stopped my laughing. "It's just that a lot of people in my life have told me that everything "is going to get better" or that "it's going to be okay in the end" but I'm still here, years later with my shitty life. Nothing has gotten better and I don't believe it ever will. I just think it's funny how people keep telling me that. It's like they lie because they know the truth; things don't get better. Some problems in our lives might end but that doesn't mean that new ones wont's take over. It's like a never ending cycle."

        "Whoa." was all Nathan said to me at first but after a minute of back ground party music, he spoke up again. "You actually get it. You are the only one who actually understands it." 

        "I guess I do."  

        "And the sad thing is that you do understand it."

        "Oh yes, not many people do. The world is too...much of a paradise for others while for a few it's like being locked in a prison."

        "Are you always this like deep, understanding person, Sam?"

        "Not really but I have my moments." I smiled a little. I wanted to know what Nathan had experienced in his past life but I knew it wasn't my place to ask. Instead, I spent the next hour or so, smoking and talking with him about life in general and how much it sucks. 

                                        (｡◕‿◕｡)