body shape

I blame try guys.

For getting me thinking about body shape and physical insecurities I might have.

At first I was like I am not that insecure about physical attributes I have, (I have always been more insecure about how I am perceived by friends and family) but the more I thought the more I found out.

I have all ways have been chubby and hate showing my stomach unless I was stretching then I looked less chubby. In elementary it was a big deal but now in high school not much. Well more like that is what I forced my self to believe.

In the beginning of high school I starting getting a shape, not being a blob. My natural shape was the hourglass figure. That is where my insecurity started because here I am with the ideal woman body shape currently, the one people starve them self to get, been hospitalized to get, die to get, and I drink sodas, eat microwavable meals, and don't even work out for this type of body.

I feel unworthy of this body type.

I don't care about fashion, celebs or even how I am supposed to act. In short, here I am with a body type people die for and I don't even care what society thinks of me. I only care for friends and family.

Why did I get stuck with this body type I would be fine with any other but this... this I don't want.

I know I should be grateful for what I have but I would rather I have a different body type and someone else who cares about what society think have this body type. They would be happy with it not starve themselves for it. And of would be fine because I can deal with what society thinks of me more then some others.

Still I won't destroy my body but I won't consciously keep my body shape up.

I love my personality and the effect I have on my friends if that is giving them my accent or them not remembering how to say remember with out the weird N I put in. I love them and myself they way we are, us in our weird wonderful ways. 

But that does not change the fact that I don't want this body.