Warrior

CHAPTER SEVEN

BUCKY'S POV

After Steve, Tony and Clint eventually leave, and Dion returns to his own apartment, I finally begin to feel myself relax with just Nat. Everyone keeps wanting me to talk and eat and everything but Nat just holds my hand and assures me it's okay to be like this. I'm grateful she's not pushing me.
We're currently watching a movie but I'm not sure what it is, I'm not even paying any attention to it. I know it's a comedy because Nat is in fits of laughter a lot and it's the cutest thing in the world. I've heard her laugh but nothing like the ones she's letting loose at the moment. Her nose scrunches up and wrinkles form around her eyes in little smile lines. She laughs until she's gasping for air and has to wipe a couple tears from her face. I can't help the smile form on my face by watching her watch the movie.
The movie ends and she puts on a movie, some cheesy romantic movie. Never would I have ever thought she'd be into romantic movies but it seems that there is more to this green eyed, red headed Russian girl than I thought.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her shiver slightly, so I get up from the couch and grab a large fluffy blanket, then I stand awkwardly by the couch, unsure what to say or do.
"I uh... would you like to cuddle... with me?" The last part is barely above a whisper and my knuckles are white from gripping the blanket so hard out of nerves.
"I'd love to." Nat beams at me.
With that, I sit by the arm of the chair and let out a tiny smile as she cuddles into my side and I pull the blanket over us both. Pain flares up through my chest and ribs but I say nothing because it's not that bad, and I have the most gorgeous girl in the world cuddled up to me.
"How are you feeling?" Natasha asks me once the movie is over. I actually quite enjoyed it, though I don't know the name of it.
I stare at Nat for a couple seconds to think.
"I'm actually feeling okay." I smile and it's genuine, they always are with her. It's hard to fake a smile while looking at Nat because it feels like she knows whether or not it's real or not. "My body hurts, quite a bit actually," Nat looks a bit guilty about that but before she can say anything about it, I continue talking because I'm on a roll. "But I feel all warm and giddy on the inside. I feel physical pain, yes but I don't know. Being with you, it makes me feel good. Better."
"I feel the same way." Nat once again takes my hand. I thought it was weird at first but I've come to love the gesture from her. I'm a love sick puppy and I'm okay admitting that to myself. "Clint is fun to be around, he's a bit of a weirdo but he's cool. I believe he likes me but I don't feel that way about him, I feel that way with you."
"Would you like to go on a date with me? I'm not sure when but soon." No clue where that idea came from but I love the idea of the two of us going on a date. "Just you and me and maybe some food, though I'm not eating much these days."
"I'd love to go on a date with you, James." She plants a kiss on my cheek, causing me to go bright red. I have to turn my face away a bit to try getting the heat in my cheeks under control but I simply can't. "Another movie?"
"Yeah, can you put on Die Hard?" I ask, grinning from ear to ear when she rolls her eyes but nods. I love that movie. It's one of my favourites, I watch it on Christmas day every year, though sometimes I have to have it with no volume and subtitles but not anymore.
Nat gets up to go change the movie, and whilst she's doing that, I adjust myself so my back is to the back of the couch. When she comes back, I lift the blanket and smile as she snuggles up with her back against my chest and the top of her head under my chin comfortably.
Eventually, Nat falls asleep but I can't. I'm so happy and content like this but there's just this feeling deep down that I just can't shake. It's been there for years but it's only gotten worse since I ended up in hospital. Like if I start letting myself be happy, I'll royally screw up. I want it to go away but it just won't. It won't let me be happy with the girl I'm crushing on.
Very carefully, I get myself off of the couch, being sure not to wake Natasha and make sure the blanket stays on her.
I head to the bathroom and lock the door. The bathroom is simple with a separate bath and shower, a toilet and one sink with a medicine cabinet. It's all clean and and ugly colour but as long as it does the job, I couldn't care less about what it looks like.
I turn on the cold water tap and let it run for a bit before splashing my face. I was hoping that would make me feel better but it doesn't at all. With a hefty sigh, I turn the tap off and sit down on the toilet - with my pants up - and my head in my hands.
I have no idea how long I just sit on the toilet, mostly just staring blankly at the tiled floor.
Every night since I left the hospital, my normally okay nightmares have gotten a little worse. Maybe that's why I can't sleep tonight. Because deep down I'm worried it'll happen with Nat right there.
At some point in the night, I had moved to the floor and had fallen asleep. What a great way to spend the first night in a new home! On the floor of the bathroom while there's a beautiful girl sleeping in the lounge.
I wake up sweaty, clammy and full of aches and pain. Sleeping on the floor did not help my bruised ribs.
I must've called out because I hear Nat's worried voice calling out for me on the other side of the door.
I ease my body off the floor and open the door to see a very worried red head on the other side.
"Are you okay? It sounded like you were screaming bloody murder." Nat studies me with her green eyes. I open my mouth to talk but nothing comes out. I just can't seem to talk, just like yesterday, so I frown at the floor and rub my hands against my jeans. "Please don't tell me you slept in here?"
I just frown deeper and move to go splash my face with water again but my hands are shaking. I don't remember my dream but I have a gut feeling I know what it was about.
"Hey, it's okay," Nat places a hand on my lower back and rubs circles. "There's no school today, maybe we could hang out for a little while before our date, if you still want to go on it."
"I still want to take you out to dinner." I assure her with a tiny smile, glad my throat hurts a bit. Nat smiles and lightly kisses my cheek which causes me to blush. "Do you mind if I don't talk much at the moment?"
"Take your time." I've never felt more relieved to hear those words. Talking just seems like too much right this moment.