carnations. chensung

f i v e

chenle woke up in the an unfamiliar surrounding of bleached white colours and beeping noises. he was lying uncomfortably in a hospital bed for some reason. he couldn't remember what he was doing here or what happened. the last thing he remembered was lying on the floor of his bedroom surrounded by carnations, not just small petals this time but while flowers and stalks. he remembered crying out for help but the flowers choked his cries and tears fell onto the carpet and carnations below, struggling to breathe he remembered renjun bursting into the room and trying to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that he'd get help and that everything was going to go back to normal.

chenle remembered that the carnations had become too much and his lungs had filled with flowers, his airway closed with carnations his life ending for love.
his life ending for... who was he in love with again? chenle couldn't remember who he had loved so much after the operation.
right now he was in a state of confusion and along with being worried and scared, he began to tear up until a familiar face entered through the curtain surrounding his bed.
'renjun!' he half shouted, his voice croaky.
'chenle!' renjun ran over and hugged the younger as tightly as he could manage. 'are you okay?' renjun pulled back and scanned the pale complexion chenle wore with worried eyes.
'what happened?' chenle croaked again, his eyes furrowing in confusion.
'nothing, everything is okay now.' renjun smiled reassuringly but it didn't convince chenle.
'tell me the truth...' chenle whispered this time, his eyes searching for some kind of answer in renjun's teary brown eyes.

'you know that you had hanahaki right?' chenle nodded. 'you were choking so i brought you to the hospital because i didn't want you to die.'
'what do you me-' chenle was slightly angry but he was cut off by renjun throwing his hands up and speaking.
'i know you're going to hate me for it but i didn't want to see you suffer like that! i didn't want to loose my best and only friend!' renjun wailed, tears steaming down his cheeks.
chenle nodded understandably and hugged renjun tightly. renjun choked back tears and petals but it was no use and the flowers rose from his lungs and fell into his hands. renjun tried to play it off as being his sobs but chenle knew the sound oh too well.
'renjun do you...?' chenle's eyebrows raised on his forehead.
renjun looked up from his hands, a single petal floating from his grasp and onto chenle's bleached white hospital bed, tears stained his pale cheeks, his brown eyes swimming in fear and tears. he nodded.

'oh renjun.' chenle whispered as his hand made its way to cover his gaping mouth. his best friend was dying.
'i'm fine.' renjun tried to smile as reassuringly as possible but it was fooling nobody, especially chenle.
'renjun you need help!' chenle croaked, his voice still not fully recovered from the life saving operation. 'i don't want to lose you as much as you didn't want to lose me, i don't want to lose my best friend just because he's too stubborn to admit that he needs help.' chenle pleaded with his friend causing him to cough once again, small petals escaping his mouth.
'i'm fine chenle, i'm sure it will go away soon.' renjun waved chenle off, shaking his head and gathering the petals that had fallen onto the hospital floor.
chenle pulled back his bed sheets and slid his bare feet onto the cold floor, it sent a shiver down his back and made the hair on his arms stand up.
chenle knelt down in front of his best friend and helped him with the petals. he laid his hand on renjun's as he picked up the final petal. chenle looked into renjun worried eyes and renjun could see that same worry mimicked in chenle's eyes.

'who do you love renjun.' chenle whispered, his face inches away from renjun.
renjun coughed again and again, spluttering and crying. this time there wasn't only small petals but a whole flower head and stalk. it was getting worse.
chenle held renjun's hand tighter to somewhat reassure him. renjun looked into the youngers eyes and smiled a little.
'who do you love renjun.' chenle repeated softly. he needed to know.
'i love y-'

'chenle!' renjun was interrupted by a tall, lanky, brown haired boy rushing into the space. a look of worry and despair was evident on his pale complexion and in his dark brown eyes. he was panting after sprinting from the school they all went to, all the way to the hospital downtown.
'who are you?' chenle asked rising to his feet, confusion his only emotion at that moment. he had forgotten about renjun, who sat teary eyes on the hospital bed at chenle's feet.
'it's me chenle... it's jisung...' he was broken. it felt like his whole world had come crashing down today. everything had turned into a nightmare.

'have we met before?' chenle scanned jisung for any signs of familiarity but his brain couldn't come up with any type of recognition.
'we met at that party at halloween, don't you remember?' jisung smiled a little in anticipation, hoping the boy he was in love with would remember him a little.
'no, i don't remember that...' chenle trailed off. he could remember being alone the entire time until renjun came over, drunk.
'i spoke yesterday in the hallway before first class, please say you remember me.' jisung whispered the last part, hoping and praying that the brown haired boy would remember him.
'i... i... i don't remember, i've never seen you before, i'd remember you. but i don't, i'm sorry.' chenle sighed.
jisungs eyes began to well up with tears. chenle didn't remember him.
jisung coughed as he cried, flower petals crawling up his throat. renjun, who was still sitting on the floor, coughed up petals at that second too. chenle was beyond confused. why was the boy he had just met coughing up petals? who did his best friend love? why couldn't he remember who he was in love with? chenle began to cry which caused the two boys to feel extremely sad for the boy they both shared the same feelings for. renjun and jisung coughed up petals and chenle sat down and cried into his hands in frustration.
chenle didn't know who to hug or comfort, who to love and who to help. who to save.

jisung's feelings became too much and he soon became overwhelmed with emotions that he couldn't bear to stay in that hospital room anymore.
'i'm sorry.' he whispered before running out through the curtain and down the hallway, through the main reception and down the street to the one place he found comfort; home.
he ran home, his lungs and body aching with strangling flower petals and breathlessness. jisung flung open the front door and ran to his room where he slammed the door and threw himself down and under the covers where he cried until he shook and coughed up carnations until he couldn't breathe.

he was going to die and the only cure he had, couldn't even remember who he was.

meanwhile, renjun lay in a pile of stalks, petals and flowers on the blinding white floor of the hospital.
it was weird that he was in a hospital, the place to be cured, but he felt his only cure was the boy sitting in tears in the end of the hospital bed in front of him. the only cure was his best friends love. the only cure was chenle.

but chenle couldn't even cure himself.

༻❁༺

just to maybe clarify; chenle couldn't cure himself from his sadness and confusion.

thank you for 200+ reads and sorry for being so inactive :(
i had writers block ugh

~ nimmy