𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓.

don't lie, you're not supposed to lie

"don't cry jimin, you're not supposed to cry,"

you know, from the beginning it was my fault that I had grown too trusting. 

I never failed to hear those whispers in the hallways; spiteful that I was so "perfect". 

I grew to hate that word—"perfect".

I could never understand why anyone felt that way about me, I had tried so hard to blend in and appear as personality-deprived as possible, but that didn't stop the vulnerability from shining through.

I craved so badly just to be normal.. just to fit in with something. my parents thought it was so strange that I didn't want to be the center of attention everywhere I went. 

I didn't think I had much to show off, especially after all those eyes stripped me of so many things.

I missed min yoongi. so fucking much, and I knew it was even more strange.

can you miss a friend this much..?

he kept me safe, all those years while he kept coming back to visit; not for me, but for someone else.

I didn't care, but one night I finally told my parents about being gay.

"are you seriously telling me right now, that my son is truly such a disgusting form of the anti-Christ?!"

"how dare you do this to us! you, you.. monster! you absolute mongrel! get out of my house, this instant!" 

the only phrase to describe it would be "shit happened".

that was the night that, beyond the bruises, I heard the first voice.

"don't worry jiminie, jaesung is here to keep you safe."

  🍒  

"don't cry, you're not supposed to."

"then don't lie to me!"

"I was only playing a role, chim, it's not like I felt anything."

"so, what? you treating him the same way you treated me when you told me you loved me is just you playing some sort of fucking game?"

"I promise, I only love you, chim,"

"then were you just playing a role when you kissed them? when you fucked them on my own couch? in my fucking house? moaning their name? do you have any idea what 'I love you' means? what about the commitment behind it?"

"w-what?"

"you never kissed me anymore, you never tried to love me, you only built up excuses because I wasn't enough to satisfy you. character or not, that was still you, min yoongi. people who play characters are just too much of pussies to admit how shitty they are."

"but—"

"you still cheated. you used me, it doesn't matter whether or not you promised to never do such a thing. you never cared, did you?"

"I did, I swear, jimin, please!"

"shut the fuck up, min. if you ever cared, if I were ever enough, you wouldn't have had to play a character role. I know those moans were not fake, nor was the constant flirting. you lied."

"why can't you believe me when I say I love you?"

"do you honestly expect me to believe such a thing when you're off doing all of those things? if you loved me, you would've asked me if I was okay with it. fuck, you wouldn't even have to because obviously I would never be! you don't care about who I am at all!" 

"you have no proof."

"what? so we're just going to ignore the fact that I was always the one that made and effort to apologize and chase after you after I was the hurt one? after you did something wrong? how I put so much effort into expressing my feelings, and you just completely ignored it and went back to repeating the same things?"

"I'm just a flirt, okay? I can't help myself! I promise I love you and only you!"

"yeah, I was a flirt, too. that's until I fell head-over-heels for you, and you become my only priority. you don't love me, and you never did. I'd be all that's on your mind when you feel flirtatious, if that shit were true."

"it is true, babe!"

"call me that one more time and I'll choke you. I'm not your slut, min yoongi. I'm not your slut that calls you 'baby', and you aren't mine. too many people have called you that while with me."

"chim, please.."

"you hurt me, yoongs. you really, really did."