Trinity

Chapter 4

Time passed in a blur after Aunt Ann's death. I wasn't allowed out much by Ciel in fear of causing further damage to my hearing. It really wasn't that big of a deal but he was oddly persistent. I hadn't seen him act like this in years.
I recalled the slightly shaking words he said to me. "You cannot overexert yourself it is foolish being so reckless about an injury, especially one so close to a previously life altering one."
Without even thinking I commented on his worry. "Why suddenly care? You never did when we were younger and that never changed."
A expression I hadn't seen before, one that I thought I should've, crossed his face. A mix of conflict and guilt was it? I curiously continued to stare up into Ciel's face until he responded in a stone cold voice, "D-don't tell me I don't care. I've always cared. I-i've always looked out for you! I...I have always looked out for both of you!"
I have sensed something different, something going on within my older brother. I can't place it, but these words, these shaky and pain filled words I hadn't expected to hear told me that something really was wrong.
I had thought them over and over for the days following, unsure of whether I should really just forget them or not. Not surprisingly those words nagged my mind. How could those words be so strong? Why are they?
After my days spent resting with the constant thoughts I had decided to talk to Ciel. I don't know what I would've said or how I'd bring up those words. But they were powerful words that suggested something unknown and hidden. I was prepared to confront him and find the truth. Only when I got to his office I had learned that he left to London with the servants, excluding Gr—ur Tanaka. Rather rude of him to leave without at least a goodbye. But at least now I'll be able to move around the mansion.
This new mansion of Ciel's was like a shell of our old one. It had the exact same structure but besides that it was all hollow. I may be able to recognize certain rooms and place memories to them but I knew they weren't right. The only thing really intact was the family grave yard off to the side and down a small hill. He kept the servants away from it and avoided ever letting myself go.
Usually the only time I can go is when he's gone. I sneak into his study and I take the key that unlocks the gates of the yard. Normally when the servants are around I am careful to not let them see me head to the graves. I don't like the pitying looks and I don't want the possibility of them slipping it out to Ciel. Tanaka's a different story, but that's for another time.
As I grab the key from the office, one that was almost exactly like fathers, I start to reminisce. Coloring in the our own 'paperwork' in the office with dad, hiding in here for games of hide and seek accidentally spilling fathers tea on his desk, being read stories. We had so many happy memories in the mansion that this one is now just an imitation of.
Walking through the hallways, the one I'd run around laughing and playing tag with my older brothers, going to the big staircase at the front door, the one where we would run to great our father coming home, and outside to the gardens, where we would play with Aunt Ann and Lizzy. To think that all these moments would lead to the graveyard so fast.
I inserted the key into the large skeleton like gate and carefully swung it open. They weren't that far, the graves that read the names of my parents and lost brother were fairly close up.
It still pains me a bit to look at them. But I can't just abandon them. I try to hold up a smile as I started to talk to them. "Hi guys, it's been awhile hasn't it?" I know I won't get an answer but I like to imagine their responses. I like to imagine the three welcoming my visit warmly.
Pretending like I've received a response I continued on. "You guys must know by now that Aunt Ann is up there with you now...I hope she isn't causing too much trouble," I laugh trying to swallow the lump in my throat, "I really miss her too, but it's a relief to think of you all up their keeping each other company. Being alone really sucks. I know I may have Ciel but..." I practically choked out that part attempting to keep that lump in my throat from turning on the faucet in my eyes, "everything's different now and I just wish I knew why. You guys know what I mean?!"
No response. Nothing to be surprised about...I know that. I know that they are for sure dead and gone...But...
"Why is there still a part of me hoping for a response?" I ask myself allowed as I finally let a salty tear fall.
I don't usually let myself cry because I have to stay strong like my big brother. I have to keep a strong stance and grow up, but I can't. That's not me. I'm weak no matter how much either of my brothers would argue. Is this my reason for crying at this point or am I still not over everything? Will I ever be over anything?
"Rosier," a calming voice came from behind me from a man I didn't even notice approach.
Tanaka? Of course he knows I was here. I looked up at him with puffy newly tear stained face from my spot. I was curled up on the graves, a position I seemed to almost always end up here.
The old man crouched down to my level and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, a warm yet seemly pained smile on his lips. "It's okay, they are still here watching over us."
"I-i miss them. I want them back," I paused to take a breath, "I want them back so bad! I want a response!!"
A hint of glossy water started to appear in Tanaka's eyes. "I do too. But I'm afraid that's..." he stopped deciding not to finish and excused himself to the house saying he'll be back with some tea for us.
I just sat there hollowly staring at their graves. It's been a few years but I know I'm still too screwed up. Sometimes grief just doesn't go away...at least for awhile. But I know it's quite likely that I'm always going to feel this pain looking upon their graves. I can't even remember what happened, but my subconscious seemed to respond terribly...
"I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling this pain of missing you, but I know that I'll always love you...Mom, Dad, and....Astre."

Note: So hey sorry it took so long to update this. I think this chapter turned out to be pretty good(much better then those horrible previous ones(I had to force myself to get them done because I just couldn't think of much)) I was hoping to make this longer, but this is just meant to be like an in between thing between the arcs. So in this chapter 'Ciel' is away in London with the other servants for the curry arc/whatever you call it. I'm really looking forward for the next arc(book of circus twist going on) because I have way more in store then the Jack the Ripper one. I honestly only just did that for the sake of a crappy introduction and such. But I won't keep you any longer(it's like 1 in the morning and I have school and a whole essay to write due later today). I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and that you will excuse my spelling errors! I didn't have time to check it over much so it'll probably be shit sorry.