My Past Was Meant To Be Hidden

Putting the pieces together

I quit the gang, dad was refusing because I knew to much but Peter and Brian argued back, mainly peter, I'm back working the library, it helps me relax and forget about the real world, rosey, she knows something has happened but won't press the subject, she's just happy I'm back and no putting my weight back on, it's been a month, I've catches up loads I'm at the same level as everyone else, mainly because I only focused on my studies, and technically ignoring everything else, drake he won't stop apologising, he says sorry everyday, he even comes to the library to talk but it's mainly just him talking, still no one knows what fully happened, Jonah and Bellamy no the most but I can't tell them the rest, I mean they will look at me differently, like I'm a disgrace.

"Ella?" Rosey spoke, I looked up and smiled

"Yeah rosey?"

"I'm going out, could you look after the place for a bit please?" I nodded

"Of course, rosey I keep telling you I don't mind so you don't need to ask" she hugged me

"I know, but I feel bad for leaving all the responsibility to you, even if it's only a few hours" I chuckled

"It's fine, no go before your late" she kissed my head and left, just as drake walked in, I sighed as he sat next to me

"I'm sorry"

"I know"

"Then why are you still like this?

"Like what?"

"Being cold towards me"

"Because it's taking a while to forgive you drake"

"But I'm seriously sorry, I would do anything for you Ella" it was silent until he exploded

"For god same Ella I fucking love you!" My jaw dropped, he looked at me with so much emotion swirling in his eyes, I closed my mouth and spoke

"No drake, you can't love me" he glared at me

"Why can't I?"

"Because i-I'm broken, you can't be with someone like me, if I told you everything you wouldn't want me, you would look at me like I'm a ... Disgrace, dirty, gross!" He scrunched his face together and looked at me confused

"No Ella, I wouldn't think of you like that!"

"How can you be sure drake, how could I be sure?" I knew I was crying but I focused on his replay

"Nothing could change the way I feel about you, nothing!" I fake laughed

"Yeah there would"

"No their wouldn't! For fucksake!

"You don't love me!"

"Yes I do!"

"No!

"Yes!"

"Just go away drake!"

"No I'm never leaving you Ella!"

"Go!"

"No not until you realise I love you!"

"You can't love me, no one can love me drake, no one loves someone who's been raped, there broken, disgusting, I'm broken and disgusting, I hate myself for not fighting back enough, for not fighting the drug they gave me, I hate myself!" He started at me with wide eyes

"H-he r-rapped you?" I collapsed on the floor, all the weight I've been carrying just got lifted and I felt like I was going to float like a balloon, but I collapsed the other way, drake ran to me and pulled me into his lap,