Find Me Again // phan

Two

    Dan was miserable at home just as much as he was at school, if not more. Because at home, there were no classes or teachers to distract him from thoughts of Phil, and the self loathing he had on himself. The only thing he had was homework, but that didn't last too long, and he usually ended uo sitting in the dark of his room until midnight, reliving every happy moment him and Phil had ever experienced. It was the worst.

  And to make things worse, his parents were home. They were usually gone away on some sort of business trip, and Dan had the house to himself, but now they had decided to come back home for a while. They were always a bit nosy when it came to Dan's life, since they weren't around often, and this didn't make things any more bearable. They constantly asked him why he kept himself shut up in the room, and barely ate with them, and he tried his best to just brush them off, but that didn't slow them down.

  Dan was curently splayed out across his bed, staring up at the ceiling absentmindedly, when his mum knocked on his closed door. He looked over at it and sighed. "Come in."

  She walked in hesitantly, carrying a cup of what looked like tea, and Dan smiled slightly at her, because that's what she used to do when he was younger. Ask him about his day after making him a cup of tea.

  Dan sat up, leaning up against his headboard and scooting over so that his mum could sit down. She set the cup on the table beside her and sat next to him.

  "How was your day, love?" She asked him softly, and he smiled again.

  "Horribly uneventful, actually." He replied. He knew she didn't believe him, but she didn't say anything about it. That's how she was, she wouldn't pressure him into talking, she'd just wait until he wanted to. "I have to tell you something."

  "Go ahead, you can tell me anything." 

  Dan sighed. "Okay, well I don't know if you guys know this or not, but I'm not completely...straight." He started, and was surprised to hear his mother start laughing.

  "Oh, sweetie," She said, "we knew from the beginning."

  "You knew the whole time? How come you never told me?"

  "We didn't want to make you uncomfortable." She said, rubbing his shoulder gently. "Now. That can't be all that's on your mind. What's up with you?"

  Dan paused again, picking at the blanket underneath him. He really didn't want to confess everything he'd done, especially not to his mother of all people, but there was really no one else. "There was this guy." Pause. Sigh. "I really, really like him. I think I might love him."

  "Oh, well that's not so bad, sweetie. You don't to be so worried about it."

  "I haven't finished." He said, laughing at her enthusiasm. "There was a guy. We were...we were dating for a while, maybe a month or two. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, really."

  He paused again, smiling slightly at all the memories running through his head, good ones of course. "He kinda showed up one day, and pretty much changed everything. He changed me, in a good way. He's so.....eccentric, I guess you could say. He's always smiling and laughing, at the weirdest moments. He's really sweet, too, probably the nicest person you'll ever meet." His smile grew wider. "And he's really sexy."

  "That's always a good thing." His mum said, and Dan laughed again. "So why are you all sad and gloomy, if he's so 'kind and sexy'?"

  Dan looked up at the ceiling. His semi good mood was completely gone now.

  "Cause I fucked everything up." He sighed.

  "Daniel." His mum said warningly.

  "Sorry." Dan replied, smiling weakly at her. "I messed everything up. Me and him, we were good togther, happy, mostly. And then I screwed it all up cause I'm a horrible person who has no right to ever be loved again like Phil loved me, I was just being so damn-"

  "Daniel!"

  "Sorry!" He said again. "I cheated on him."

  There was silence between them, and Dan didn't look over at his mum because he really didn't want to see what she was thinking. She was most likely disappointed in him, hell, he was disappointed in himself. But it would be a lot worse if it was coming from his parents.

  After what seemed like the longest time, Dan heard his mum take a deep breath. "Well, you really did fuck things up then."

  "Mum!" He exclaimed, in mock disdain, and she laughed at him, slapping his arm playfully.

  "I'm an adult, I do what I want." She said. "Now, back to you. Why'd you do it, if you love him so  much?"

  "I don't know." He said, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, at himself and at everything else too. "I wasn't really into the whole 'love' thing at the time, and me and him were kind of sorta fighting, I just wasn't thinking too straight I guess."

  "I bet you weren't." She said. "How'd he find out, did someone tell him?"

  Dan twisted his fingers together, licking his lips before answering. "He walked in on us." He said quietly, and winced when he heard his mum gasp lighlty.

  "That's just horrible." She said, and Dan could only nod in agreement.

  "God, I hate myself so much for it, too." He groaned, burying his face into his hands. "And now he hates me."

 

  "I'm sure he doesn't hate you, love." She said, rubbing his back gently. "There's a difference between being angry and hating someone."

  "Mum, he won't even look at me."

 

  "He's just trying to work it all out, Dan. Trust me, if you just go up and talk to him, work everything out, I'm sure everything will be fine between you two."

  "I wish it were that easy." Dan sighed. "I can't just go up and talk to him, after he caught me being man handled by another guy."

  His mum paused. "Wait." She said. "So you, uh....you're the bottom in-"

  "Oh my god." Dan moaned. "Now is really not the time to discuss my.....preferences."

  "Sorry, just a curious mother." She replied. "But seriously, if you were in his shoes, would you honestly hate him? Like really hate him, or would you just be very mad."

  Dan didn't reply, as he thought about it. Truth be told, he most likely wouldn't completely hate Phil, if he had done the same thing. It would probably just be a very deep seated anger at the fact that he had done it, but not hate. And this gave Dan just the smallest bit of hope, that maybe he had a chance.

  "I guess you might be right." He said. "But I still wanna give him some space, just so he can cool off, sort of."

 

  His mother smiled at him, and pulled him into an unexpected hug. "I really hope things work out for your, Daniel."

  "Yeah, me too." He said, hugging her back tightly. He might always complain about her being a bit too nosy, but he did appreciate the things she did for him.

  After a few more minutes of mindless conversation about school and whatnot, she eventually left, and Dan was once again left alone. And, as per usual, his thoughts drifted over to Phil. But now, they weren't so depressing and heart breaking. Now, they were sort of hopeful, and Dan was actually smiling.

  He was going to try with Phil. No matter what he had to do, or what the consequences. He was going to try.

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  a/n: For some reason, I really didn't like this chapter. I don't know, I just don't likebthe way it's written. Oh well....

  Also, I don't know when I'll be able to update this next, because I'm going to be on a bus for the next two days, with no Wi-Fi. FEEL MY PAIN.

  But all that aside, what'd you think? Hope it was okay enough. Peace :3