it was about five in the morning and i had somehow successfully gotten home and taken a shower, all while not waking shawn or summer. i was mentally cursing myself, how fucking soft could i be? i had felt extremely down for almost three years, and for some reason this gave me more reason to be angry with myself.
"i had to cancel plans because of you, you could've told me you would be gone all day...and night", shawn simply stated as i adjusted the shirt i changed into, lying in bed next to him.
"sorry, i forgot you had plans with kaylee", i shouldn't have been smirking. but i felt ahead of him for once, as sinister as it sounded.
his body tensed, he honestly might as well have been sweating bullets. "what?"
"i saw the texts yesterday morning", i bit my tongue as i stared up at the ceiling.
he turned fully to look at the ceiling as well, "how was your night?"
i let out a huff. "i pussied out", i shrugged, "we ended up going to mcdonald's and talking for the rest of the night in the parking lot." and that was the honest truth.
"star, i'm not a fucking idiot", he let out a dry laugh.
"i swear on everything i wish it would've gone differently. i really do question why i still love you, every single fucking day", i was angry at myself. "i really thought you had changed, over night", i was now laughing, "you shouldn't have asked me why i still love you, you should've asked me why i will forever choose to see the best in everyone. even if they've been cheating on me for three years, i'd still find a reason to keep them in my life."
his head shifted to look at me, reaching for my hand, "st--"
"fucking stop", i pulled my hand away, "i'm seriously fucked up, shawn. it's not even you toying with my heart anymore, you're toying with my mind. because of you, i'd look a murderer in the eye and ask them to join me for a cup of coffee. because of you, i give out chances like halloween candy and you've well beyond taken advantage of it", a tear fell down my face, "and the worst part is, i don't know when i'll grow tired of it."
