a compilation of short stories

1. 전하지 못한 진심 • the truth untold

BTS (방탄소년단) - The Truth Untold (전하지 못한 진심)
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sunday night, 12:08:03 am, 02.01.2015

i sat in the driver's seat of my car, feeling the soft, plush black leather beneath me. i looked around at the small street i parked on, so i could have some time to breathe alone. i could just barely make out the song that played, barely a muffle from the radio.

"one of those dumb love songs, huh?" i thought, scoffing to myself.

listening more carefully, i noticed it was a special song; our song; one that i held dear.

"...the song you'd always sing while you made breakfast on weekends..." i murmured aloud, recalling the image of you in your robe, flipping slightly burnt pancakes on the stove—albeit burnt, they were the best pancakes i'd ever tasted.

i sat there for a while, peaceful, back relaxed against the seat. i watched as the soft rain started to drip and smear against my windshield, creating a blur of reddish and yellowish lights through the thick glass. i could hear the pitter patter of the droplets against the cement outside, calming myself a bit after the chaos inside me of remembering your image.

i smiled to myself a bit; i'd always loved the rain, even when the rainwater poured and would make a mess out of my clothes.

"...you...hated rain...and then i took you to the park we always went to...you started smiling instead of scowling on rainy days, just like i did..."

and in that moment, i couldn't help but think—i made you love the rain instead of hating it, but do you hate it again, now that i left?

i brought my hands up and clenched the steering wheel, slowly sitting up and resting my head against its padded material. i felt something warm drip against my wrist.

a tear?

"the person that didn't even cry during our breakup...

"cried hearing some stupid love song on the radio?

"your stupid love song?"

i chuckled to myself bitterly.

"how could you be like this? huh? i thought you could stay strong."

"coward," the voice inside me hissed out, seething with anger and denial.

i struggled to fight back as all the memories came flowing back.

the first time you came to my door to take me on a date, you smiled sheepishly at the door, holding a bunch of fake flowers. you scratched your neck a bit, looking down at the floor, cheeks flushed red.

"i-i was worried you'd be allergic to flower pollen, i guess, a-and i promise i'm not cheap, that's not it; i just, uh, didn't really want your first flowers from me to wilt, you know, because flowers tend to do that, it's just biology and scien-" you babbled on, all while gripping the bouquet so tight i worried that you'd cut off your own hands' blood flow.

i cut you off with a small peck to your lips, and watched as you blushed even harder, flushing a crimson red before muttering a quiet "let's just go, then" to me.

i remembered that bouquet of fake roses, the ones that you said would never wilt, just like your love for me.

i thought so, too, so i kept a vase full of your flowers in the center of my table. that way, i could see it every night at dinner, and think of you.

now, the vase laid shattered on the floor.

the first time you stayed over at my house, i woke up to a cold, empty bed. my heart sank, devastated, thinking that you had left without me, or simply gotten sick of me during the night. the sheets were rumpled on the right side—evidence that you had been there, and that it wasn't my dream.

i got up and dressed myself—albeit a bit bitterly and sadly from thinking that you'd abandoned me.

i walked into the kitchen quietly, hair disheveled and clothes crinkled, yawning and rubbing my eyes along the way. i saw you in your loose band t-shirt and sweatpants, hair equally disheveled, cooking breakfast for two. a dirty cutting board stained with tomato juice laid on the counter, and the smell of home cooked breakfast wafted through the air.

i stared in admiration at the side of your face, watching you as your eyebrows knitted together in confusion and concentration as you tried to flip the omelet.

i stifled a giggle when all the toppings you had put in so meticulously fell out, seeing a mess of mozzarella cheese, bacon bits, and chopped tomatoes in the pan. your omelet looked more like a stir-fry than an omelet, and it was adoring.

you whipped around, meeting my gaze with a smile that barely reached your eyes, still a bit disappointed from the failed omelet.

i walked over and stood behind you, holding your hands as i demonstrated how to make the omelet, failing in the process, too, and we both laughed. we settled for those social-media-craze "loaded scrambled eggs" instead of the supposed omelet.

we sat down at the table and ate our scrambled eggs together quietly, and that was the first time that i realized something; the first time i saw you in a different light, not just as someone-a-bit-more-than-a-friend, but as something else.

i loved you, more than i could ever describe.

i thought you loved me, too, and i'm sure you thought the same thing, each party making the other out to be the bad guy.

now we went our separate ways, you with a new toy replacing my existence, and me in my beat-up car, listening to an old 90s song playing on repeat.

the time you were so excited and said that you were going to take me to a haunted house on halloween, and i rolled my eyes—because, well, i'd never been much of a halloween person. you held me through the whole place, squeezing my hands lightly when the scary parts came, and laughed a bit when i screamed and my hands flew up to cover my eyes. to make it up to me afterwards, you took me to an ice cream parlor. we sat in our stupid-looking, cliché couple's costume, not giving a care in the world, laughing and smearing half-melted ice cream on each other's faces.

the six years we were together, i celebrated halloween just for you, because i knew how much you loved the holiday.

now, i don't celebrate it anymore, just like old times.

you left my life just as quickly as you entered it, stirring up a hurricane in the process and leaving my world grayer than you had found it.

without realizing, my tears started flowing faster and faster, until they trickled down my arms and onto my thighs. the corners of my eyes stung like hell as i cried harder and harder, unable to stop.

i gasped for breath, the memories suffocating me, and i choked out strangled sobs while gripping the steering wheel harder and harder until my knuckles turned white, hitting my head against the backs of my hands, scolding myself for being so stupid, for loving you. giving in, i slumped back against my seat, defeated.

completely defeated by mere recollections of you.

of us.

only one thing ran through my mind then, pounding at the insides of my skull, making its presence known, even though i'd never—not even in a million years—admit it.

"god, i miss you so much."