Take a Shot

If I Was Thinking Back

    Everything would be different now.

    ~*~

    Sometimes I truly feel like I blew it.

    Wait, no. Scratch that.

    I did blow it, it was always me.

    I guess I didn't see it the way he did. As close as we could have been, our views of our world were completely distant, like two ends of a compass (of its four). One connected arrow but with two points, always pointing opposite directions.

    It was a relationship that seemed to constantly walk across thin ice, I suppose. Every step a new crack forming, but we always looked straight rather than down, for the fear of sinking. That the ice that took a whole season to summon it, would shattered, and that'd we'd be responsible for breaking and destroying it, so no one would mention it.

    Oh, there were too many descriptions I could have thought of on how to explain our link. But each way would always end the same. He never said, but I now know it was my fault. I cannot dwell on these past relations of mine with him. He is always one to stand tall and silent, as though every word had some importance that makes me regret not memorizing each last breath that escaped him, no matter how silly or strange or odd it sounded. Or always quiet, like he wasn't daring to tell me something if I did it another way, that he wouldn't say anything to correct me like it would make me loose the motivation.

    To me, his eyes said more than his mouth ever could and the way he treated me had a special touch to it. I would retort with something always, even when no words were ever uttered. When he said nothing, he was still there for me. Simply his presence brought me an aura that is indescribable. His actions were never extreme but they seemed to tell me he was one who had a loving soul of literal "sweep you off your feet".

~*~

    I was the one who ruined it all.

    I was a monster. I just crushed it.

    It is like my glasses were fogged the entire time we were together and I never decide to just grab a napkin and clean it. I pushed at everything, put it off, later, later, later. My vision was never clear.

    We were a pen and paper. Virtually, two opposite things but made to fit the needs of the other. Just two things and yet they could change the world, if not for the Earth, for each other. The small world that was just and only us alone was changed and bigger and better to joining as one. We were words and pictures, to paper from pen.

     Eventually, the paper ripped and the ink dried out. Paper was trashed along with the pen, because to others, they are so easily replaceable. But what we had could not be duplicated. There would be no way to copy it. Even if now we decided to join in a relationship again, what we had before could not happen once more. Our connection was a once time thing, and I completely let it fall apart.

    It was clear that I never spoke much but for each time I did, I now regret every sound that came from my voice. I can't even remember anything of only few phrases I had ever said out loud to him, half of them just me saying, "M' wife". My words were worthless. I went against his wishes constantly and named him my spouse in that manner always. I was idiotic.

    Too quiet, that's what I was, I don't know how he ever could stand me. He is bubbly and lights everything up, though he stands determined and willing. I, silent, sat and gave no communication, like I was not there. I won't know how he handled feeling alone in the dark as I gave him nothing, worthless silence.

~*~

But for me, that would be considered as though I were thinking. Thinking back.

To us.

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Idea: No

*Which?:

Pairing: Yes

*Which?: SuFin