Luke (sequel to 'Say You'll Remember Me')

Chapter 5 The Present

I took a long drag from the cigarette, my third one since I left the house a little over two hours ago. It was a filthy habit I know, but isn't that what makes it appealing, isn't that why I'm here in the first place? In this dingy apartment in Washington Heights, surrounded by noise and now smoke, why else would I be here, if it wasn't because it was bad for me? I look over at the naked man sleeping next to me, he's cute, a strong athletic build coming from years of playing ball in the street. The man's 22 was far more pleasing than my 28. This wasn't prostitution -though I can't say I haven't resorted to that before- I met him the day before last, took him to a nice dinner yesterday, and tonight, I took him to bed. I suppose maybe one could consider it prostitution, though it would only be one-sided; he thought he was going to see me again, and I, well I never took the time to learn his name. I can't repeat any of these men, it's too risky; if I get too involved, I run the chance of Norman finding out. I can't imagine it would change much if he did.

He has to know by now, I've been doing this for the better part of a decade. Since our engagement. I wouldn't be surprised if he did it to, saw other men. At this point we didn't even have a marriage, we're just in it because neither one of us is brave enough to leave. I suppose that this is my fault, I never really wanted a marriage, but I tried because I thought it would fix the thing inside of me that was long broken, but I never even gave it a chance. That's why I do this isn't it, so I could never be close to him? Why I sleep around. It's because I don't want to be faithful, not to him, not to any goddamn person left in this world. Still, he keeps me clothed and fed, and he is still my son's father, so I keep my infidelity secret. The elephant in the room can't cause any trouble.

The man moans in his sleep before rolling over and wrapping his arm around my waist, his quickly re-developing erection prodding my thigh. I contemplate waking him up and going for another round, but that would just dig me deeper into this hole, make him think he actually had a chance. I just needed to be fucked, and he was the first one there to take the bait, he wasn't of any use to me now.

I unwrap myself from his muscular arms and begin getting dressed. I only wore jeans and a t-shirt, nothing nice, after doing this enough, you learn what's the quickest to slide back on, besides, in this neighborhood, an evening suit is the equivalent of a bright red fucking bullseye.

As I'm about to leave, I take one last look at this boy's shitty apartment, with it's burnt-out lightbulbs, cracked walls, and shitty deadbolt, and sigh. Without Norman's help -especially since he paid for my firm- I probably wouldn't have landed in an apartment much nicer than this one. I take out my wallet and leave two hundred-dollar bills on his counter. Is it still not prostitution?

I leave the building and walk out onto the street. Just my luck, no fucking cabs. Thankfully, the subway station is only a block away, all I have to do is make it there without getting mugged. A task definitely easier said than done considering the man that is right behind me.

As I'm about to turn and face my attacker, he speaks. It's just one word, just my name, but it's enough to make me freeze.

"Luke."

I don't have to turn around to know who it is that's behind me, his voice is forever ingrained in my head. How could I forget the person who told me that he let my boyfriend die?