The Reason To Live

After He Left.

"Why are you still alive?"

"Can't you see that your brother was happy to leave you?"

"Kill yourself."

"Cut deeper next time you whore."

All of the sentences I heard today were ringing in my head as I was dragging the blade across my beautiful flesh.

1. Being so rude to Mikey before he left

2. Letting yourself smoke

3. Not standing up for yourself

4. Believing what they say

Yeah, I'm a pathetic loser.

I'm anorexic.

I'm stupid.

I'm retarded.

That's what they all say.

I believe them though. After I walk out of the bathroom I grab some band aids and bracelets and cover up my new marks. After I do that I get a Skype call

"Michael Clifford"

I answer and wave "Hey Mikey."

I say faking a smile.

"Hey Jai, can I ask you some questions?"

"Um sure Michael."

"Why haven't you been eating lately?"

"I just haven't been hungry."

"Okay... Why do you come home with bruises?"

" I fall a lot."

"Okay... Why do you have band aids and so many bracelets on Jai?"

"The cat scratched me."

"Goddammit Jai! You can't even tell your own brother the truth?!" He yells into the computer.

"I am telling you the truth Michael!"

I yell back.

"Jai. I can tell when you're not and right now, you're not."

"Whatever, bye Mikey." I say before hanging up.

I hope he's not on to something.

"MUM!" I yell for her.

She quickly comes up the stairs

"What Jaime?" she says.

She is the only person that calls me my real name.

"Mum, why is Michael so curious about me?"

"I don't know Jaime. Maybe you should call him." she says.

Maybe I should.

I take out my laptop and Skype call Michael.

He answers after 4 rings.