Full Circle

My year of healing has passed so quickly. I prepare to walk down the aisle of this tiny ramshackle church tucked away in these majestic mountains; a bouquet of ruby-red flowers clutched in one hand. On this momentous day, I can't help but reflect on all that has happened since that fateful winter day on the mountain and how much my life has changed for the better. Finally, I am at peace.

It turns out that the beanie guy is Gage, Sara-Beth's nephew. He (and his fresh new haircut) wait for me expectantly at the end of the aisle, eager for us to merge our lives together and start anew.

When our paths first crossed, he was finishing his doctoral thesis, the topic of which was the impact of climate change on the plant life along Dead Man's Trail. That brought him here to me. On the day of my breakdown, he, too, was on the trail; he heard every single word of my rant. Concerned, he surreptitiously shadowed me back down the trail to ensure that I made it back safely. But he lost sight of me along the way, so he missed the ankle incident (and thankfully, a whole lot more cursing).

He says that my willful spirit captivated him from the moment he first heard my voice; I'm not sure that I believe it, though it always makes me smile when he relates this part of our story to others. When our paths crossed yet again in the park, he wanted to reach out to me but could sense my fragility, though he didn't know with whom I was so angry. Since I hadn't uttered Bill's name during my meltdown on the mountain, I could have been talking about my husband, mother, boyfriend, girlfriend, or anyone else for all he knew.

When I stopped by Mollie's Diner that night, Sara-Beth noticed that Gage was intently watching me. She sensed that he felt some sort of connection. Over a Sunday dinner of pot roast, she filled him in on what she knew about me and on my breakup. She advised him to allow more time to pass before approaching me, and he trusted her wisdom. Turns out this is why he held back when I saw him on the day of my own new haircut, though he now says with a wry smile that he was "blinded by the lips" and couldn't actually clearly see to whom he was waving at the time.

Our paths finally crossed again at Becky's barbecue, where Sara-Beth advised Gage that the time was right for him to take his place in my life. Somehow, she'd finagled an invitation for him, so determined was she that finally, we would formally meet. And of course, we did. It is all that I hoped it could ever be, and the best is still to come.

At the barbecue, we threw our envelopes into the fire, forever let go of whatever we had each kept pent up inside. Gage tells me that he had written the names of every single girl that he had ever dated before me; that's how sure he was that I was meant for him. He wanted to start with a clean slate. How fortuitous that, unbeknownst to us both, he would sweep into my life on the very same night that I was finally ready to say goodbye to my old way of living, to my old way of thinking, to memories of the man I was once certain I would marry.

Life is funny that way: when you think you've got it all figured out it can pleasantly surprise you, then turn right around and pull the rug out from under your feet. I don't know what's around the corner, but I'm at peace with not knowing. I look forward to a lifetime of surprises with Gage. I treasure him every day, content that he walks beside me no matter what unexpected challenges come our way.

Soon we will move to San Diego, where the weather is beautiful, and I can sit at the beach and write all day long if I wish. Gage has accepted a teaching position there, so it has worked out well for both of us. Still, it is surprisingly bittersweet. We are inextricably bound to this town and to its people, and we will undoubtedly be back to visit from time to time.

Wherever life takes us going forward, I have roots planted that I will leave behind to flourish here in the place where I overcame adversity and grew resilient. The place whose people unconditionally showered me with love and kindness when all I could feel was anger. And finally, the place where I could finally let it all go.