requited

-3-

|love follows a soul as a shadow does a body; ever present and ever shifting in the day, all consuming and inescapable at night|

I woke up sprawled across my mattress in the grayish sunlight, which wasn't an unpleasant way to wake up. I rather liked it until I remembered everything, then came the sudden regret of acting the way I had in front of Alexander hit me like a brick. Now he'd think there was something wrong with me.

And maybe there was, but he didn't need to know that.

Alexander caught my eye from the other room and care up to my door, which was half open. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hi."

"Do you want to talk?"

"About what?" I knew I was coming off as bitter but I didn't know how to stop it. It was my natural defense.

"What happened last night?"

"Just a rough day. No big deal."

"It seemed like a pretty big deal from where I was sitting."

"You must've been sitting in the wrong place."

Alexander sighed. "Okay, Fine. I'll let it go this time because I want to trust you. You know you're my best friend, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Xander."

He slipped out and I wasn't sure that I wanted him to come back. But somewhere in the back of my brain I felt sprawled out upon an operating table with my arms tied down, my breathing slowing, my heart beating agonizingly between every movement of the earth. And I knew I loved him despite myself.

Despite my wishes and despite his wishes and despite Eliza's wishes, Eliza who loved him, he who loved Eliza.

I didn't want it to be that way because from the start I knew that I didn't have a chance. Which sucked. Though, I guess everything sucked.

I went back to sleep.