I think it's something mentally frustrating that forces us to love someone. I think it's because we care I don't know. I've always wanted to be loved but never really wanted to receive it because it was too much work and people always made me think that they don't deserve it. You know how there's a saying, "a father is a girl's first love". I'm not saying I don't have one or he's never been there, I'm speaking about the connection. There are no arguments but are emotional connection is poor. We can never move flexibly with out being interrupted by something that throws us off. He thinks I only love him when I receive from him, but receiving items only pushes me father away from him. I hate when he kisses me sometimes or hugs me. It's like, hugging someone I know but I don't know. I never got the experience to live around him so, being able to fully care about him, is seeming impossible. Time's running out and I'm scared that speaking to him is never going to run with comfortability. Even though he's a split image of me, I don't know him by himself with the parts of me that I see through him. I don't think of it as, I have daddy issues. Though, the issues I have with my father, makes me care about my male figures wholely, which is what I can't but can do for him at this time and point right now.
