Sebastian Stan Imagines

Contemplating | James Barnes (Christmas Series) [1/2]

There, at his wooden dinner table, James sat as a bionic and flesh hand crossed into each other, allowing his chin to rest upon them. His right leg bobbed up and down continuously, anxiety coursing through his blood, mind constantly whirring in result of his diamond blue irises staring down his smartphone for the past couple of minutes. Lips pursing, James scrunched his eyebrows after his heart fluttered due to his brain fighting against his initial idea, a sour look then taking over the once concentrated one.

Heaving a very deep sigh, James hands broke their original position, now rubbing over his face as his thoughts racked his mind. What the hell am I doing? He inquired to himself, guffawing and raking a metal hand through his loose and long hair. I'm sitting like a dumbass in my dining room, looking at my god damned phone. Uttering a groan, the super soldier rolled his eyes and humorously chuckled, silently chastising his brain for even getting himself worked up in the first place.

A moment passing in his empty apartment, James' bare heels pushed against the hardwood floors, causing his chair to back out and away from the table, which left a displeasing sound in the process. He hoisted himself up from the chair and entered his living room, pacing back and forth as he allowed his mind to rattle him in the debate yet again. A inquisitive metal hand rubbed the scruff on his cheek and chin as the ping pong match ensued yet again. Fuck.

"Damn it, Bucky. Get your act together, man." He scolded himself for the upteenth time that day.

His head then craned to give the smartphone some attention. Should I dare to even try it?

Of course you should! What's the worst that can happen? This reassuring thought led him to smirk and shrug, a ping of hope erupting in his gut.

No, don't even bother. Move the hell on. The smirk washed away and faltered, a small frown playing his lips as heartache plagued his body.

That was the match, a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. One feeding optimism and assurance, while the other gave guilt and denial. He was unsure as to which one he should trust. It could go well, giving him the relief he needed, but on the other hand it could completely backfire one him, making the trepidation worse.

The super soldier curled his lips, involuntarily scratching the nape of his neck as his ocean orbs locked on the sight of his cellular device once again. A fuck it being muttered, James then found himself eagerly making his way back to the dining table to retrieve his phone.

The screen went from black and dark to bright and illuminating, the image of his lockscreen beholding itself to James. What hid the picture of he and Steve smiling crazily at the camera was a couple of text messages and a couple of notifications from his less important apps.

James unlocked his phone, scrolling through the various messages from a group chat that Steve put together for everyone on the Avengers team. A small smile marked James' tired face, reading through the Merry Christmases and I love you guys texts that burst throughout that chat. At least I still have them, he thought to himself, grateful for the friends he made thanks to his best friend.

Satisfied, James stuffed his phone in his sweatpants pocket and brought himself back to his living room, adorning his little tree before crouching down and plugging the lights in.

Pressing his lips together, James nodded to himself and got up from his previous position, trekking his way to the gray couch that stood feet away from the TV. Plopping himself down on the middle cushion, James sat in sheer silence for a couple more moments, then turning on the TV. A content sigh fleeing from his lips, James glared at the TV apathetically, forcing himself to watch A Christmas Story in attempts to distract his brain from circling back to the idea that confused both his mind and heart.