What if I wasn't here

Im Still Dreaming

Ugh!
Waking up in the morning and regretting not closing the blinds when you went to bed is the best way to wake up. Blind I'm blind I tell myself, the end is near, the light I can see it, it's overwhelming, it's ready to take me to a better place. A place where everything is as it should be and most of all there is no rent.
My dramatic farewell message is cut short. My eyes finally adjust to the sunshine coming through my window. I glanced over at my alarm 5:00am on the dot, well that's something you don't see everyday. I groan, take my blanket off my body and make my way over to the window. The streets outside are not that busy in the morning most of the time they look like a ghost town. In twenty minutes a man will jog past my apartment building like he does every Saturday, wearing the same workout gear, a red adidas shirt, black joggers and a pair of wireless silver beats headphones. At 5:30 Nancy the owner of my apartment complex will take her dog petunia for a 30 minuet walk around our suburb. She will return with a salted caramel Frappuccino and a refill bag of gourmet doggy biscuits from an expensive dog cafe.
I like to think of myself as a watcher, I observe people going on with there everyday business. I have an identical memory I don't mean to intrude on other people's personal business but I can't help it I remember everything even when I really don't want to. I see it as no one really notices me in life so I might as well notice them. Some people feel like they are invisible in life and deep down wish people would notice them when the truth is I already have. I just can't tell them as they don't notice me. I'm a stereotypical millennial that is living in a world where everything I do is considered normal. Nothing I do makes me stand out in a crowd. My names Emily a very common name, I'm an orphan that is now living on her own in an apartment in the middle of a busy city with over a million different people around me that all have something to show for there lives something that makes them unique. I've lived among these people my entire life yet no one even knows I'm here. I've taken the meaning of a wallflower to a whole new level.
I reach over to my bedside table to grab out my dream journal. I had the dream again, not just any dream, the dream I have had my entire life. It's never the same though. I dream of people, people I have never met. I dream of peoples lives, everything is so realistic it is as if I'm not even dreaming, it's as if I'm living these peoples lives through there eyes. I write all of my dream life experiences down in my journal. Every night I'm someone new, sometimes I'm a little girl playing in a park with her friends other nights I'm a senior in high school studying for there exams, I have even been an elderly man in the hospital just finding out he has cancer.
The dream I had last night is different for the last month I have been dreaming about this same guy. I would say he is around my age, so in his early twenties and through these dreams I've managed to learn a lot about him. His name is Mason and he has just started working as an apprentice for an architect company called ridges. He has a little sister Sophie who he loves to bits and a loving and caring mother and father, Georgia and Michael. He has a classy yet laid back vibe to him with his brown silky hair and his emerald green eyes and you can tell through all of the business he does at work there is a little kid waiting to get out when he gets back to his apartment. He calls his family every night on face time and plays the guitar singing to his little sister through the screen he has an amazing voice and his sister joins in after the call he does his usual bedtime routine and falls asleep listening to the sounds of the busy city coming through his open window.
That's when I wake up.
I don't know if the people I dream about are real. I doubt it though. I think it's my mind. I watch so many people throughout the day that my mind comes up with lives for people it creates. It's a cruel trick. All I ever wanted was a life like Mason's. But being an orphan never really gave me that option I was sent around from family to family until the foster system said they couldn't afford me anymore and I was getting to old so they gave me a small amount of money and sent me on my way to start a new life. It's weird how my brain has stuck with Mason's life story as I usually only ever see somebody's life once. But I know it's not the exact same every time I see it as he marks the days of his calendar and it's a different day every time and he will eat something different or sing a different song to his sister. He has a beautiful life everything seems perfect. If only that was mine.
My life doesn't exist.
I don't exist.
I've disappeared.