in the summer of 2013 I was running around in my swimsuit, soaking up the ray's from our little pop up swimming pool, barbqing with friends, and having the time of my life. My kids were older now and more like friends than kids, I had a wonderful husband who I love'd with every ounce in me. One day while I was looking in the mirror I noticed 3 moles that were dark and odd shaped, they took me by surprise and I looked at them often, wondering if this could be what my Aunt had had. But again that couldnt happen to me so I went about my life and soon forgot about the funny looking spots.
We soon moved to a new town, and started a new life, I loved our new home, I loved living where there are tree's and water and things to do.
coming from West Texas where the closest body of water was a bath tub, being here was amazing.
In February of 2014 I made a dermatologist appointment for my kids to have their skin looked at, being teenagers they have break outs and I want them to have all the confidence in the world and I know Dermatologist can help with those adolescent issues. I thought while I am there I might as well discuss some skin issues I had been having also, I tend to get break outs on my back, I am always embarrassed when wearing a tank top or swim suit so maybe she could help me out too.
When we got there the nurse took us in a room, took one look at me and ask if I tan in a tanning bed, and said the Dr would want to do a full body check on me. thats procedure if you tan in a tanning bed. I remembered those ugly little moles I had found the previous summer, but chose not to say anything. When she was checking my skin she pointed those same three moles out and said they would need to be removed and sent for a biopsy. I knew what that meant, it meant that I could have Melanoma skin cancer. ME. my kids looked concerned and I insured them that it was no big deal that it was very routine as I fought back the tears and the reality that I could have Melanoma.. ME! it took 10 days to get the results back and man was that the longest 10 days of my life, I was scared to tell my parents that I could have Melanoma, after seeing the pain my Aunts passing had caused my family and I still chose to tan and lay out, how could I have done this to myself and my family, If I had Melanoma it was 100 percent my fault, and could have been avoided if I had only not been so careless with the only body I am given. I spent that 10 days researching and learning every thing I could get my hands on about Melanoma, I spent that 10 days crying in private and being strong for the kids and my husband, I spent that 10 days waking up and telling myself to breath, I felt like my world was caving in, if it was Melanoma how much time did I have left, would it be advanced or early, would it come back like my aunts had or stay hidden, would I be there when my daughter gets married or when my son graduates high school, we had just moved to my dream house and an amazing little town and now I might have Melanoma. I obsessed over the moles that were still on me, have they changed and the Dr over looked them? what if I have Melanoma? and I grieved for my tan, it made me sad that I would no longer be able to have beautiful brown skin, would my self esteem ever be the same with out a tan? what would I do if I wasnt tanning?
finally after 10 agonizing days the call came, my heart pounding and palms sweaty I said hello, all I heard was the results came back all clear. they are Dysplastic Nevi but NOT Melanoma. NOT MELANOMA! I couldn't believe it, I was on top of the world, I had escaped cancer, I was the lucky one. I knew I had been given the chance of a life time. During that 10 days I had educated myself on the dangers of tanning beds and being in the sun and I vowed to change my ways, to learn to love pale skin, and not abuse my skin anymore. but Dysplastic Nevi? thats not just a normal mole is it? No, Dysplastic Nevi means that I have a greater chance of getting Melanoma or these turning into Melanoma.
Ok, so I would be more careful and smart about how I spend my time outside but it wasn't MELANOMA and I was so happy.
