Goodbye • Kwon Soonyoung

Not a day would pass na hindi kami nagaaway. Tipong kahit maliliit lang na bagay pinagtatalunan pa namin. Hindi naman kami ganito before. We were okay and then things started to fall apart.

It all started when we decided to live together under the same roof. We both thought yun yung dapat, na yun yung tama. We've been together for almost 4 years already and since lagi lang din naman kami magkasama and minsan dun din ako umuuwi sa apartment nya, yun na yung pinagkasunduan namin.
That I will live in his apartment permanently.

I don't have any close relatives. Both my parents have their own lives. They separated nung bata pa lang ako. I lived with my mom for sometime pero when she found a new family that's when i decided to go off on my own. Well my dad and mom are not that bad though. Pareho pa naman nila akong kinocontact and nagpapadala sila ng allowance ko. My dad went abroad and dun sya nagstart ng bago nyang family and I'm happy for him. I'm happy for both of them. Kesa naman sa lagi din silang nagaaway at hindi nagkakasundo sa bahay diba. It's enough that they had me and i am the connection between them.

I asked, well no, i told them both about the plan na me and Soonyoung will live together. They're not against it. Sabi nila pareho i'm old enough and they trust whatever decision i make. And that was the go signal. Tiwala din naman kasi talaga si mom sakanya. I let them meet once and he left a good impression on her.

Everything went smoothly. After akong payagan naglipat agad kami ng gamit ko from my apartment to his. For the first half of the year sobrang okay. Pero after a few more months that's when it all started.

"Where were you yesterday night? Hindi ka umuwi"
He looked at me with that annoyed expression on his face.

"You know what. Let's just sleep. I'm tired." Again. What annoys me most is pwedeng pwede naman kasi nyang sagutin. Hindi yung iiwasan nya pa yung tanong. I will listen naman eh. If he went off with his friends it's not like I'll get mad diba? I have always been so nice. Hindi ako naghihigpit sakanya. Ang gusto ko lang alam ko kung nasan sya noon. He never texted me. I waited all night without any calls nor text feel ko I deserve an explanation manlang.

"I was worried. You can't just let it slide like that na parang walang nangyari."

Nagulat ako nung bigla nalang nyang padabog na inisod yung upuan sa harap nya.

"I said I'm tired. I just went off from work and ito ibubungad mo sakin?!" He exclaimed. Nagulat ako. We have never fought once na kinaya nya kong taasan ng boses ng ganito. Kung nagaaway man kami before lagi syang nanunuyo or kung maiinis man sya hindi sya ganito kagalit sakin.
Hindi ko alam anong mararamdaman ko.

"I— i just wanted to know where were you yesterday night." I gulped. Pinipilit kong di umiyak. Ayoko nang tinataasan ako ng boses, natatakot ako.

"Di mo manlang kasi ako tinext. I waited all night. Don't you think I deserve to know?"
"My phone was off. I was with friends. Happy now?" He curtly said.

No. Kasi you could have said so kanina pa kung friends mo nga talaga kasama mo. I don't want to doubt you pero you're giving me a reason to.

Hindi ko na mapigilan sarili ko. Tears rolled down my face kaya tinalikuran ko na lang sya agad and I went straight sa kitchen.

Pinunasan ko nalang yung luha ko. "Kumain ka na ba? I'll cook for you" I asked him na para bang walang nangyari. Kaso i didn't hear him answer. I only heard footsteps and as i turned to look at him he was long gone.

It's always like this, from small matters we end up fighting and sa huli ako lagi yung may kasalanan and manunuyo.

I cleaned up everything and I went inside our room where he was already sleeping. He did not even bother waiting for me. He never apologized. He always never did.