A Chance At Love (A POTO fanfiction)

Mistakes

I woke up in tears, my body drenched in sweat. I was freezing. All I could see was the darkness around me, reliving the circus in my mind over and over again. I closed my eyes to try to go back to sleep. As soon as I did I watched a whip crack over my limp body. I couldn't take it. I lit a candle and walked into the living area and tried to sleep there. I closed my eyes as I laid on the couch and saw the circus owner, leaning over my naked body, as I wept from the pain of down under. I wasn't the only one either, most of the female circus freaks were used for his enjoyment. I sat up, gasping for breath at the sight and sweating profusely. I didn't want to do it, but I needed sleep and I had no other option.
As I slowly walked through the catacombs that we shared as a home, I hoped that he wasn't sleeping, that he was up and putting his pain into art as he typically did. But as I walked past the organ and piano, their was no Erik. Which meant he was in his room. I sighed and accepted my fate for what it was as I knocked on the door.
"What?!" Erik growled, hair a mess and without a mask, just like every other time I woke him.
"You know what." I snapped and pushed past him into the room, crawling into the bed as I vaguely heard a sigh of annoyance from the doorway before Erik joined me. He barged into my room in the middle of the night just as much  as I did him, and while we both acted exasperated when answering the door we knew that the other couldn't help it, and helped willingly. He climbed in the bed and pulled me into his chest, like an older brother would.
"It's over, he's gone, and they'll never hurt us again, I promise." Erik whispered as I slowly started to fall asleep. This time without any terrifying dreams from my past, only a deformed cheek that I loved pressed against the top of my head, snoring quietly. Gosh in that moment all I wanted was to kiss him. But he was still so hurt over her. I grew furious as I thought of how she had treated him, and I couldn't understand why Erik had even thought she was worthy of him. I knew he thought he was the ugliest person and unworthy of anyone's company, but I knew better than that. Erik was just as human and had just as much worth as any of us. All I wanted to do was show him, but I was afraid. Afraid he wasn't ready, afraid he didn't even like me that way. And so, when I could tell he was in a deep sleep, I kissed him, as gently as I could, more of a brush on the lips. He immediately started to jolt up, and I had just enough time to lay down and pretend to be asleep before he was awake. He was alert, stiff and ready to strike for a long time as he sat straight up in the bed, before finally relaxing and laying back down, almost instantly falling asleep. I relaxed and drifted into a restless sleep.
The next morning Erik kept looking at me funny. I made breakfast and ate, then sat down on the couch to read. He slowly strolled over to the couch and eyed my cautiously.
"I think we need to talk." He stated bluntly. And that's when I knew. Erik Destler was a genius, and he knew that it was me last night. This was about to be bad.
"I didn't mean anything I swe-" I started to say as he held up his hand to silence me.
"I said we need to talk, that doesn't mean you word vomit all over me." He smirked ever so slightly before resuming his expression of emotionless. I sighed and sat up, ready to listen to him rant about how immature I was.
"I'm not sure why you did that last night" He sighed. "But I do know that it was very sudden, and out of the blue. I don't even know how I feel about this yet and I'm trying not to get angry but for God's sake talk don't act! You know this!" He started to fume.
"Erik, you're angry. Just admit it, you didn't appreciate the gesture and don't feel the same way. It's fine, unlike you, I can cope with heartbreak without doing anything stupid." I answered passive aggressively. I stormed into my room and slammed the door. I heard pacing, then frantic slamming of keys on the organ and music, I cried into my pillow as Erik played. Why couldn't I just keep a crush to myself? Why did I have to act on it? Now I could be out of home, and a friend. God how could I be so stupid. I banged my head against the pillow in frustration. Suddenly the music stopped. I quit my temper tantrum so Erik wouldn't hear me. He wasn't trying to be quiet, he aggressively moved across the living as his footsteps echoed around the catacombs of the opera house. The footsteps got closer, and as I quickly wiped away the tears on my face to cover up my heartbreak and threw open the door to the room, a scowl adoring his face.