Wolfsbane

Chapter 12

Her mind was elsewhere as Lydia entered school Monday morning. There was too much going on in her head to pinpoint one particular thought, and she felt jostled and confused. Her brain hurt from too much reasoning, and she frowned to herself as she walked to her locker and opened it. The inside was cluttered with pictures of her and her friends, most notably the several images of her and Jackson (one at the bowling alley with Scott and Allison, another in the hallways here at school, and others). Closing her eyes, she sighed heavily and shook her head, opening her eyes to gather the books she needed for her first few classes.

When she slammed her locker shut, she gasped in surprise, jumping slightly, as Jackson's face was right behind the door.

"Did I scare you?" he asked with a grin, grabbing her hips and turning her so her back was against the lockers. She smiled slightly and shrugged, melding back into the person she was with him like it was her job. Always blending in, never standing out or showing how intelligent and strong she really was.

"Just frightened me a little," she admitted. He leaned toward her to kiss her, and her hands went to his shoulders, almost bracing herself as he planted the kiss on her lips. As he pulled away, she sighed a bit, loud enough that he heard it. He frowned slightly at her and smiled, his jovial attitude untarnished despite her reaction.

"Is everything alright?"

Her eyebrows raising, she offered him her sweetest smile and shook her head, her red curls bouncing around her face. "Oh no, I'm fine."

"Good," he commented, releasing her hips and taking her hand to walk with her to her next class. She followed obediently along after him, this routine as familiar to her as brushing her teeth before bedtime. Jackson was happy today, brighter than he'd been in a long time, and she was genuinely glad. But she couldn't deny the gnawing hole in her chest when she looked at him. Still, she had to refuse herself. She couldn't give in to the daydreams she'd been having, and she would stay with Jackson. He was her safety net, and he needed her right now as he recovered from the curse.

Glancing around as they walked to class, her heart leapt anxiously when she caught a brief glimpse of a black trench coat disappearing down one of the hallways. Foreboding rose in her, and she lagged slightly behind Jackson, holding up the traffic in the hallway and getting cursed at by a few students on their way to class. Jackson stopped and frowned questioningly at her, squeezing her hand to remind her to follow. She smiled apologetically at him and continued walking, shaking her head slightly and telling herself the sight had only been her imagination.

Passing the next hallway, she saw it again, only this time it was Peter standing in the middle of the students as if he was visible only to her as they milled around him. He smiled briefly, and then heads passed between them, and she lost sight of him. She dropped Jackson's hand so suddenly he stopped again, raising his eyebrows and gesturing to her, impatiently motioning her to keep up.

"Um... go on without me," she commented distantly, looking at him just long enough to smile slightly to tell him nothing was wrong. "I'll catch up."

Shrugging, he turned and moved off with the rest of the crowd. When Jackson was gone, she darted down the hallway and into the nearest girls' room. Leaning over on one of the sinks to steady herself, she forced herself to take deep breaths. She was only imagining things. Peter wouldn't be here. He wouldn't follow her to school. She was only hallucinating or daydreaming or something.

Behind her, one of the stalls swung open to reveal the very mirage she'd witnessed, and she gripped the sink so hard she would've broken it if she was stronger. Dashing away from him, she ran for the door, but he was too fast for her, grabbing her, locking the door, and pulling her back into the room. He released her, and she was surprised to see him smiling as she turned to face him.

"Good job curing Jackson of the kanima curse, my dear," Peter commended, his sweet tone underlined with poison. "I've always known you were a smart girl. And the kiss! What a wonderful touch. I couldn't have come up with a better idea myself.

My nephew wasn't too pleased about it though, I would imagine."

Without her permission, her heart jumped excitedly in her chest, and she frowned at Peter. He merely stared back at her with that benign smile on his face.

"I won't do what you want me to do," she stated firmly, sounding much stronger than she felt. "I'm with Jackson, and I'm happy." It was a lie, and she knew it.

"But you already have without intending to," he replied casually, his hand going to his pocket and retrieving a purple wolfsbane bloom. She pressed her lips together firmly as he spun the tiny flower between two fingers and his thumb, smiling to himself. "It's the things we accomplish without ever trying that are the most effective, don't you think?"

She sucked in a gulp of air and released it in a huff, her shoulders rising and falling with the action. His words needled her because she knew, deep in her subconscious where she'd been hiding the thought, that he was right. She'd seen it in Derek's eyes before, but especially the night she'd visited him to check on him. He was in love with her despite her best efforts to keep him at arm's distance. But had she really been trying that hard? Hadn't she allowed him through her defenses just as he'd allowed her through his?

"Resisting only makes us want something more," Peter continued, stepping closer to her and holding the flower toward her, "We want most what we can't have."

She wanted to cry. His words cut her to the heart. She'd thrown herself into saving Jackson so she could ignore the chemistry she felt with Derek, and to ignore the task Peter wanted her to accomplish. But that spark had only grown inside of her instead of being extinguished. Ignoring how openly desirous of him she'd been the other night would only be foolish, but she couldn't do what Peter demanded. It would lead to Derek ultimately being killed, and caring about someone - loving them - meant protecting them, not leading them to their death.

Peter was close to her now, the scent of the wolfsbane wafting into her nose as he leaned toward her and his voice lowered until he was almost whispering.

"You will do as I ask, Lydia," he murmured, his eyes flashing dangerously, "Not because I could easily kill your entire family and your friends, but because to not do so would mean you would never get to experience that which is right at your fingertips."

The flower twirled in his fingers, drawing her eyes to his fingers in a symbolic motion, and she swallowed heavily, closing her eyes for a moment.

"You hunger to know what it feels like. You thirst to experience the kind of love you feel for him, deep down inside." His finger gently jabbed her chest, and she lurched with each jab as if he were stabbing her. The words tore into her soul, tearing at her heart with their truth. Her fists clenched as she glared up at the alpha impotently. She couldn't resist. She had already imagined Derek kissing her when he'd been about to and she'd stopped him by blurting out she was dating Jackson. She'd known it would stop him, knew he was jealous when she'd kissed the kanima to break the curse.

"No matter how badly you fight it, you already love him, Lydia. You're just hiding in your safety net: Jackson. He's safe, he's normal, he's routine. You can handle him even if there is no passion there anymore, and the passion you feel when you see my nephew is more than you can handle: more than you want to handle."

She closed her eyes, pressing her lips together and clenching her fists tighter as tears welled into her eyes. The soft petals of the flower caressed her cheek as Peter ran it down her skin, and she tried to turn her face away but couldn't. One tear spilled over onto her cheek, and he dried it with the flower, his presence exacerbating her fear and reminding her that every word out of his mouth tore open the naked truth in her soul.

"So, yes, Lydia, you will do what I want," he finished with a purr, "Because you can't live without knowing, my little wolfsbane."

She heard the bathroom door open and close behind her, and her eyes popped open to see she was alone. On the sink next to her lay the flower, wet with her tears.