Alex's POV
*Trigger warning for this chapter*
The loud, annoying buzz of my alarm clock woke me up. I tried ignore it - to fall back to sleep - but the irritating sounds just kept getting louder. With a groan I finally sat up and turned off the alarm, my room going silent. He would barge in, about now. Shake me until I got out of bed, going on about how he was excited for today. I let out a shaky sigh and hugged my legs to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. I didn't have the energy to get out of bed today - let alone go back to school. I barely slept anymore, and if I did, I had awful nightmares. Walking into his room, and finding him... I shuddered. Not sleeping at all was better than reliving it all again, so vividly.
I looked over at my alarm clock again. 7:03. I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head. Moving back to Baltimore hadn't helped with dealing with his death. At all. My parents seemed like they had completely moved on - which completely pissed me off. I didn't understand how they could carry on like everything was alright so fast. Since everything had happened - I rarely left my room, let alone the house. I'd been writing a ton of music, playing guitar, and doing a lot of crying. I hadn't been eating as much. I was miserable. But the best I could do for now was just put on another fake smile and go on like everything is okay, which it definately isn't. There was no use with bothering other people with that, though.
Finally I convinced myself to get up and go into my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess, and I had bags under my red eyes. I was a mess. I turned the shower on, making sure the water was scorching hot, and stripped down, before getting in the shower, flinching slightly at the temperature of the water. I didn't care, though. It reminded me I could feel. I washed myself off, and turned the water off, stepping out and drying myself off. I wrapped the towel around myself and walked back into my bedroom, bugging through my drawers for something to wear. Usually I would put at least some effort into this stuff for school, especially the first day, but I couldn't be bothered. My brother was gone. Why the fuck would the shirt and jeans I'm wearing matter now?
*Trigger warning*
I pulled on a pair of boxers and was about to slip on a pair of black skinny jeans when I noticed my thighs. I sat down on my bed, and let my fingers trace the old, faded scars, and new, fresher cuts, the skin around them all red and puffy. Tears threatened to come, but I blinked them away. Damnit, Alex. You did this to yourself... It's all your fault. Maybe if you had been there for him more, he'd still be here. I just looked down at the ugly marks covering my thighs, arms and wrists. I regreted starting this whole mess, on one hand. But on the other - it gave me a relief from the shit that's been going on, even if just for a little bit.
*Trigger warning over*
I managed to snap myself from my thoughts, and I got dressed, quickly putting on my pants, a Blink-182 shirt and my black and white Vans. I went back into the bathroom and styled my hair quick, spiking it a bit and using hairspray to keep it in place. I grabbed my grey and black stripped hoodie and slipped it on, and picked up my backpack on my way out of my room. I went downstairs into the kitchen to find my dad sitting at the table reading the newspaper and drinking some coffee, and my mum making breakfast. When I walked in she looked over at me and smiled.
"G'morning, hun." She said sweetly. I had to force myself not to actually cringe. But I plastered a fake smile onto my face.
"Hey, mum." I mumbled, walking over to the counter and grabbing an apple. I was about to go walk out the door when I heard her yell after me.
"Alex - aren't you going to eat anything else?" She asked in a worried tone. I looked down at the red fruit in my hands, which I planned on tossing out on the way to school.
"I'm not really hungry, and I need to head to school, okay?" I yelled back. I didn't hear anything for a second before she responded again.
"Alright, Alex. Have fun - and try to make some friends!" I rolled my eyes and walked out the front door, starting my walk to school. After I was a couple of blocks away from my house, I threw the apple into the road. I wasn't hungry at all. I wanted the day to be over already, and it hadn't even started.
Today was going to be rough.
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Hey, guys! So I've been reading a lot of Jalex fanfiction lately and I decided that I wanted to try and write one too. Please tell me what you think. I'm also working on keeping the chapters around 1,000 words because I tend to make my Wattpad story chapters really long. It would mean a lot if you voted and commented! <3
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Under A Paper Moon
FanfictionAlex and his family move back to Baltimore from the UK after the loss of his brother for a fresh start. But what will happen when he is reunited with his old best friend, Jack, who's life had fallen apart when Alex suddenly left? And will the feelin...
