Feelings

Chapter 1: Introduction

Feelings. What are those.

I had a crush on my best friend.

  Yes, I'm messed up. I had a crush on the before we were best friends. I guess we were best friends because we had a lot in common and we talked to each other a lot in class. (Got me in trouble for talking too much smh) She asked me to be best friends before but I 'rejected' it, let's just say that I had another best friend who hated her at first. At the end of the year, we all got along with each other. No complaints and fights. Another reason why was because I didn't want to know more of her, I had a crush on her and she was like so popular and pretty. She had many friends and only talked to me in class. Even though she's popular, she still had a hard time at home. Her parents (stepdad) abused her.
  
  She acts really happy in school, but i really can't tell if she is really happy. She hides her emotions really well and I knew that her stepdad abused her last year when she told me. I know, I'm stupid. I should've taken action when she told me it. Although I didn't have permission to tell the principal, it's fucked up in many ways. I don't like seeing her hiding her scars and injuries with a jacket she sustained from her stepdad. No it's not that I don't like it, I hate it.

  You can say that I know her well but she usually dodges the questions I ask. She changes her topic and asks about other things. A lot of boys have a crush on her because of her looks, I mean she is pretty and her jawline can cut my face (sksksksksksksksk) but I only liked her because of her personality, she laughs at my awful jokes and I'm very clumsy.

  She's in a gossip "gang" which I think is stupid, she told me that she's only in the group because she wants to expose the people's secrets and tell the teacher about their mischief. I really don't know if that's true because she's always laughing and smiling when they talk. I mean...not trusting your crush is pointless, she's my crush after all, but I decided to put it as the best friend perspective. 

  She asked me to be her best friend because I was understanding and helpful, I was there for her even though I wasn't in the mood. I felt like our friendship meant a lot and I wish we were best friends in the beginning, it could have made me understand that she has alot of troubles and struggles.

  We're changing classes next year unfortunately, we won't be able to see each other and talk to each other anymore, I got into a higher class while she's in a lower one.  There's this boy in our class that had a big crush on her, let's just say that I didn't like him because he was dumb asf.

  We were teamed in the same science group for our experiment, him, my best friend/crush, my crush's best friend (the bossy, gossip girl who literally talks about everyone behind their backs), another one from the gossip groul who's also my crush's best friend. No offense to them but they really did nothing except for gossiping and making that boy try and confess to my crush saying all sorts of stupid things, so I had to take the apparatus and other materials. The teacher was lazy, he didn't teach us and explained properly because he wasted half of the lesson (as always) scolding us and saying those smart people will still be able to pass even though they haven't learnt everything, all we did was copy the answers on the board if our experiment wasn't accurate. I always felt being used by those girls, because I was interested in studying while they copied the answers and talked about boys. Let's just say that my crush also used me.

Umm hi, well I wrote this in 2018 and edited it in 2019. So I decided to publish this and I'll probably update you with chapter 2 soon :))

- emily